Filmic Friday 250: A Public Service Announcement

In Which I Must Warn You

I love bad movies. I really love them - not just in a sarcastic way, either. I love that people came together and made something, no matter how bad it is. I love The Room. I love Troll 2. I love Shakma, and Birdemic, and Giant Gila Monster...

But this movie.

This freakin movie.

Yes, this is the original poster.
It's not... really lying? These are things that exist in the film.
But do not believe its beautiful lies.

Once upon a time, Peter Akroyd decided to write a script based on the time he was pulled over and had a middling-to-negative experience with a cop. Dan Akroyd decided to film it. It went by Git at first. Then Valkenvania.

Now, we know Dan's a funny guy. He is a really good comedian. So how could he have failed so completely?!

The movie is exactly what the title says: Nothing But Trouble.

You'd think that the cast - Dan Akroyd, Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John Candy - would be enough to carry any script, but... it's just trash.

From the first scene, following rich banker Chevy Chase around, you know something is wrong, because this is about as unfunny as a movie can be.

The whole movie is supposed to play like a farce, and everyone is actually trying to do their best (except for Chevy Chase, who's just being Chevy Chase), but... it's trash.

It's a waste of celluloid.

I feel sorry for everyone involved.

Now, John Candy kinda... checks out of this film pretty early on. While he starts off as a cop named Dennis, that character runs off with two of the ancillary characters - Brazillian siblings played by Taylor Negron and Bertila Damas. Then Candy spends the rest of the film in drag as the granddaughter of Dan Akroyd's wretched character. It's bizarre and bad.

The worst part is that every single part of this movie that isn't a person or the script is great. There's some fun camera work, the lighting is fantastic, and if you're ever looking for set designers, definitely hire every single person who worked on this movie. The world is meticulously put-together, and if you mute the damn thing and just look at the special effects and scenery, you'll wonder why this is so bad.

The score is pretty okay, which is damning, because Michael Kaman is a brilliant composer, and this lacks his usual polish.

The only redeeming part worth watching in its entirety is the scene where the Digital Underground appear.

Yes.

That Digital Underground.

The one with Humpty Hump.

For some stupid reason, they end up being dragged into the movie and perform a 100% out-of-place musical number that is an oasis in the sea of disgusting gross-out humor and wretched nonsense that the movie throws at you constantly.

There's another reason besides Humpty that I want you to watch this scene (I'll put a link under my "Enjoy Something" at the end).

They have a guest star.

Why, yes.
The nice young man in the Yankees jersey is 2Pac Shakur.
What the heck.

This is 2Pac's film debut, and you know something? He and the rest of the Digital Underground are the only people who look like they're having fun.

So, don't watch this movie.

It's stupid, borderline racist at times (especially the stuff with the Brazilians), and there are basically no redeeming qualities.

But that Digital Underground scene...

Man.

...

One final note: I started trying to write this review at 10AM today. I've been having to take frequent breaks because I'm having flashbacks to how unenjoyable this crap movie was. It's almost 6PM now.

Ugh.

Anyway, please, please, please

DON'T WATCH NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.

And Go Enjoy Something.
FC

Thursday Art Walk 250: 1940s Red

In Which I Draw Another Line Sketch!

Today's theme was "1940s. Red." So I looked up some 1940s decorations and the like and... It was all way more complicated than I could draw. So instead, I gave myself a break and simplified things significantly. Today, we have Dedbert sitting atop a 1940s radio with his tinsel-and-garland strewn tree beside him. It being the 1940s, things are tight. Rationing and the war effort take up a lot of his time, so instead of him having a big tree surrounded by tons of gifts, he's using the top off of someone else's tree and has decorated it to the best of his ability. String tinsel seems to have been a favorite for these trees, and apparently little round baubles have been a mainstay for ornamentation for practically a century (or more?), so he's got a bunch of red ones. They may have been another color that he's painted, to be honest, but he's a frugal guy, so who knows? A red beaded garland and a handmade crocheted tree skirt complete the scene.

What do you guys think is in that gift box?

"1940s Red"; permanent marker on printer paper; 2019

I'm really enjoying this series of images, and I look forward to sharing more with you.

Also, I've mentioned it on the blog here before, but I do, indeed, have a Redbubble shop now! If you've ever wanted to wear my art before, now's your chance without typing out those fateful comments that, unfortunately lead to art theft...

Alright, that's all from me today!

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Wednesdaymania 250: Wintermania week 2

In Which I Discuss Silly Winter Wrestling

Once upon a time, there was a gentleman by the name of Glenn Jacobs. Glenn wanted to be a professional wrestler, so he got trained and tried out and got hired. All normal stuff so far. He had it all - immense height, strong shoulders, and that All-American Meathead look, so the world should've been his oyster.

He struggled to find his gimmick, however. It's hard to stand out in a world of Macho Men and Hulks Hogan and the like. Eventually, he wrestled as a sadistic dentist, but early on, he went by the same name as one of my state's Senators, and then Christmas rolled around...

It was 1992. Glenn was working for the USWA at the time, and they had a Christmas show to run, but they needed a wrestler to wear a costume. Thus, Glenn Jacobs, sometimes called Unabomb (yikes) and sometimes known as Doomsday (much cooler), donned a colorful suit and became known, for a very short moment, as The Christmas Creature!

Yes. This is actually him.
Yes, this is actually what he wore.
Yes. He wrestled in this.

Now, if something about the name Glenn Jacobs has been bothering you this whole time, perhaps you know him as the mayor of Knox County, TN.

Or maybe you know him as his much more successful in-ring gimmick, which he wrestles in to this day...

You might just know him as...

KANE!

So there you are, kids - the story of how a man fought and scrabbled his way in to almost accidental fame despite horrible gimmicks to become a world famous pro-wrestler and a politician. Do I quite understand how one goes from a Unabomber gimmick to the beast which slew Superman to a Hobby Lobby Monster to a generic tough guy to a sadistic dentist before ending up as a literal Demon? Not in the least, but it's amazing.

Never give up kids.

You may be the Christmas Creature today, but tomorrow, you may be world famous.

Keep crackin!

Go Enjoy Something
FC

Talk About Tuesday 250

In Which I Blather

It's December 10th up north in the USA. I used to have a yard full of snow.

It's been raining for the last 20 hours or so.

It's 52℉ (11℃) and super cloudy right now.

All of these factors have combine to make me a very grumpy muffin...

Whiiiiiiiiiiiiich brings me to my big news! I have my own Redbubble Store now! There's only two designs so far, but I hope to have more and more varied images by Christmas, so if you're looking for a weird and quirky item for yourself or someone else, feel free to give it a looksee and check back every now and then!

But ah, that's not the only thing I wanted to talk about today. I wanted to talk to you about the coming week on this blog!

• Tomorrow I'll talk about wrestling, wrestling theories, etc, because I love me some wrasslin
• Thursday I'll make more art! And mayyyyybe Thursdays would be a good day to check back on Redbubble to see what I have available?
• Friday will be either Disco Godfather or Mars Attacks or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas... not sure which...
• Saturday is a bit up in the air, since I haven't found my new game for this week yet :| I'll get on that.
• Sunday is also a bit up in the air, since I've been a bit lax in food prep. It's been a lot of sandwiches. If I have nothing made by Sunday, though, I do have a backup plan. Actually, why don't I just do that... yeah. I think I know what I'll do ;)
• Monday will be more Purrmaid and maybe some other projects I've been working on!
• Next Tuesday I'll curl up and give you more updates from the Blanket Fort... including (possibly) a book review!

Right now, the sun is trying (bless its heart) to burn through the gross, grey/beige clouds, there are Mallard ducks in my back yard eating mealworms my mother threw out for them, my cat is curled up in her carrier because she went for a vet checkup yesterday and she basically holds the carrier hostage when she comes home (she's gained weight and is doing great, though I suspect a slight upper respiratory infection), and my home is filled with Christmas cheer despite us not having our tree yet. It's not a bad day, all told. I'm ... hold on, update!

The sun is nearly through! I have sun spots in my eyes ow!

Yay! Come on sun!

Anywho, I'm excited for the rest of this month, and I'm pretty proud of how productive I've been in the last 24 hours :)

I might have to grab a third cup of coffee after I post this... I was up until 3 or 4AM playing around with yarn. Oh, and, uh, I'm still trying to detangle that pound of blue yarn and it's... not going well. I untangle a bit and then it retangles immediately. Ugh.

Regardless, I'm having a pretty decent day in spite of the peekaboo sunlight (please fight the clouds, Mr Sun) and I hope you're all having a fairly decent day today, too!

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Fiber Monday 250: Purrmaid Week 1

In Which I Attempt a Purrmaid!

I've been following Hooked By Robin on YouTube for a while now, and I just found her pattern for an amigurumi doll called a "Purrmaid". It's exactly what it sounds like - an adorable mer-kitten batting at its own tail, and I was so charmed that I had to start my own!

Now, I didn't know what yarn to use for this, so I used the first two skeins I could easily detangle from my Horde (a Gordian knot of yarns that somehow got mishmashed together during my last [failed] attempt at cleaning up). Those happened to be sock yarn, so we're making a teeny, tiny Purrmaid, and I'm all about the smol.

Here's about half of the head finished

This purrmaid will be made on, as I mentioned, two different random sock yarns I found in my stash and a 2.75mm hook (US size C/2, I believe). I only went as far as the end of the second video (Rounds 1-31), but it's already about half as long as my hook! Adorable!

And the self-striping is kinda cute, too!

I don't know how well these two yarns will actually go together, so I'm reserving the right to dive back into my Horde to find a more appropriate sock yarn to put on here instead of the green/blue/cream concoction I'm using for the tail. It's a pity I didn't have any white sock yarn...

Regardless, this is gonna be heckin cute and I look forward to finishing it as a proof of concept.

The terms/stitches I've needed so far are:

• Single crochet
• Single crochet (increase)
• Single crochet invisible decrease
• Magic ring
• color change

And Robin explains everything so concisely that even I, with my severely limited attention span and ear-to-brain learning capabilities, understood completely.

Definitely hop onto YouTube with some yarn, hooks, stuffing, and a cup of coffee or three, because this is a fun lil project to be sure!

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Survival Sunday 249: Bibim Men!

In Which I Try Some Instant Bibim-Men!

Some friends dropped off a package of Instant Bibim Men, and I was eager to try it. What's Bibim Men? Well, imagine if you took Bibimbap and Ramen and made them have a baby.

What's Bibimbap?

IT'S HEAVEN IN A BOWL!

This is Bibimbap

Korean cooking has mastered the art of "I have it, so I'll eat it" in a way few cultures have quite approached. Bibimbap is basically several veggies and/or meats, stir-fried, and placed in a bowl. A runny fried egg is placed on top. There might be rice or noodles on the bottom. And then there's the sauce.

Korean sauces are notoriously delicious. Korean barbecue is some of the best on earth, so of course I'm going to love a Korean breakfast with a barbecue-style sauce that you pour on top!

And then there's Bibim Men.

See, Bibim Men takes that sauce and pours it onto ramen. Perfection!

But perhaps not enough for a single meal.
We had some yuzu soba left over from an Umai Crate, and had that as well!

Unfortunately, it being winter, veggies are harder to get hold of (plus, I was feeling lazy), so I had some leftover chicken that I added to the mix.

The Chicken.

I boiled the chicken and noodles together - can't remember if I did an egg, but I don't think I did? I should've. Regardless, I boiled the precooked chicken to heat it up.

It smelled great!

I also used the chicken noodle water to reconstitute the soba, but that's not really important right now.

The Bibim Men Sauce.

Once the noodles were cooked, I drained all the water and put all of the noodles and chicken in a bowl, where I eagerly snipped open the sauce packet and began to pour it out.

Apologies for the autopsy photo quality, but it was dark in the kitchen...

Thick, dark, fragrant sauce spiraled down onto the bed of noodles and chicken and my eyes widened significantly as I took it all in. Oh. My. God.

This is an amazing dish.

It's so amazing that, yeah, it didn't even quite make it to the table to get photographed before we dove in!

The sauce is sweet, spicy, savory - delicious. It buoys the noodles from bland to grad and pairs so perfectly with chicken that it was as though it was preordained! Honestly, I'd pay money to eat this at a restaurant, it's that good. I can only imagine what a 100% home-made version would taste like, and that's without veggies. Ideally, I'll get more and make it with bean sprouts, some stir-fried spinach or collards, carrots, mushrooms, peppers, etc. And I'll put the over easy egg on top and let the yolk soak through.

Just thinking about it is torture.

And yes, the soba was never more than an afterthought, which is a pity.

Because yuzu soba is always good.

If you've been wondering what yuzu tastes like, it's basically what happens when all the citrus fruits get together and create a Frankenflavor. It's... citrus. There's not really any other way to describe it. It has the freshness of grapefruit, the zing of lemon, and the mellow juiciness of oranges, and it's delicious. It pairs so well with the earthy flavors of a chicken-tinged soba broth and the thin-but-firm noodles. Definitely worth making up, but it does pale by comparison to the Bibim Men, which was the absolute star of the show.

I think that'll do it for me today.

I've made myself hungry :P

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Saturday Casual Gaming 249: Soda Dungeon

In Which I Play A Fun Free Steam Game

I love me some Roguelike Dungeon Crawlers, guys, and Soda Dungeon has been suggested to me pretty much ever since it came out. Since it was free on Steam, I couldn't resist and downloaded it.

It's addicting as heck.

Which is funny, because addiction is kinda a big theme in this game.

Addiction, money, fame, and big scary monsters

You are a hapless, impoverished person with big dreams of bigger wealth, but the best way to get money where you are is to venture into a dungeon of certain death... which you're super not into. Fortunately, while hanging out at the local soda bar, you end up with a grand scheme: con a bunch of soda-addicted crazies into going into the dungeon of death for you.

And thus, your journey as a very messed up kind of adventure pimp begins.

But... money!

Ethical complications aside, this game is fantastic. From the peppy, bullet-hell-style music to the awesome arcade-like graphics to the hilarious story (so far), this game has had me hooked from my first run with a mostly naked Soda Junkie.

You have different choices you can make while your party ventures through the dungeon. Do you choose each move yourself, or do you let the game automatically run your guys through? Which of the three boss chests do you open? Do you take one of the alternate paths that occasionally appear, or do you ignore all possible distractions?

Speaking of bosses...

They can be pretty epic...

Look how tiny you are compared to that behemoth! Your party, which can contain up to five adventurers of varying skills and abilities, is always dwarfed by the bosses (and minibosses) of each section. So far, I've only made it to the fourth zone, the ice levels. I'm sure I'll eventually get further, but I'm having a good time, regardless, and earning tons of money.

But what can you spend that money on?

One of the main features of Soda Dungeon is the Soda Bar, where you hire your adventurers to go make you money. You spend that sweet gold on upgrades to the Soda Bar, which let you buy and sell gear, earn money while offline, invite more and stronger adventurers who get buffs depending on the decor and food qualities, and you even end up with a wizard who can warp you to later levels you've beaten so you don't always have to run the dungeon from level 1! At one point, a faintly creepy gladiator guy shows up to let you know you can send a trio of adventurers to die for you in the arena for money. If you want to see how far your loot can take you, that's a fun challenge!

All in all, Soda Dungeon, from AN Productions and Pox Power via Armor Games is a great game, both on Steam and on Mobile, so if you're looking for a free game fix, this is definitely a fun one to play.

And I'm serious about that music being awesome. It really gets you pumped!

Go Enjoy Something!
FC