Sunday, April 20, 2014

G - The Enchanted Cave

G – THE ENCHANTED CAVE

Back in my early days on Deadwhale and Kongregate, I found this game in their RPG/Adventure sections. I almost passed over it, too. I didn't know what I was looking at, being unused to terms like “Rogue-Like”, and the idea of learning a new play-style just for a game I was sure I'd play for 40 minutes while waiting for my shift babysitting the university computer room to end and then forget about forever. I clicked the link and a hideous dark olive-drab colored screen popped up with an adorable little pixel-knight hacking away at an adorable little red pixel-slime to distract from the loading bar. I haven't stopped playing it since, much like Bunni.

One final note – I'm not really happy with how my graded reviews came out, so I'm just not gonna grade this one. Besides: I already gave it a score on Kongregate. See if you can guess by the end how many stars this puppy got.

TITLE: The Enchanted Cave
DEVELOPERS: Dustin Auxier (with music by Alonso Rojas), sponsored by Bored.com
LOCATIONS: Kongregate, Deadwhale, Bored.com, Android, and iOS
DESCRIPTIONS: Dungeon, RPG, Adventure, Fantasy, Rogue-Like
INTERFACE: Keyboard (arrow keys only), mouse (click and drag items)

STORY:
There's not really a story in this game. You are a tiny blue-suited man with a sword. There is a 100 floor dungeon ahead of you and you cannot go backwards. Go forth and slay everything with your trusty blade. There is a twist, however, at the end. I refuse to spoil this for anyone who wants to play it. Just know that when I got to the end and faced the final boss, there was a sudden moment of Dungeon Master's jealousy. I wish I had thought of this idea in some of the games I've run.

ART:
This game was entirely created by one man: Dustin Auxier. I don't know this man. I have only ever seen him in his Kickstarter video for the sequel (funded!). All I know about him is that he is a pixel-art genius. This game has some of the nicest simple pixel-art I've ever seen, and to know that one person apparently did all of the hard work to make this game blows my mind. I've seen games created by professional game companies that looked much, much worse. The backgrounds are usually believable shades of earth tones or aqua-gray that give a sense of depth to the randomly-selected dungeon floors, the enemies look different from one another with only a couple of pallet-swaps (skeletons and bloody bones, wizards and druids, zombies and rotting corpses, etc).

Every single item looks like what it is. The gauntlets look like gauntlets, the boots are boots, and the necklaces look like pendants on chains. I especially appreciate the time it must have taken to make the Eyes (special items acquired throughout the game) each look different. All in all, I love the art and think that Mr. Auxier did a fan-freaking-tastic job.

MUSIC:
I don't know who Alonso Rojas is, really. I can't find much about him, so unless he's a DJ or a football player, I don't know who he is. All I can tell you is this: he's talented. Like whoa. From the first keened notes of what sounds like a synthesized oboe and clarinets backed by an electric orchestra, you can feel the adventure and mystery in the soundtrack for this game (downloadable at http://dustinauxier.com/download-music). It's simple, enjoyable, and it doesn't get too grating when it loops. It's just long enough that every loop doesn't sink into the last as it plays over and over. And every piece will replay. A lot. There are only a few tracks – the one for outside the cave, the one for the shops, and one every couple dozen levels (floors 40+ remind me of the first Star Trek episode with Khan). Whenever the background changes, the music changes, and the last level has its own theme, if I remember correctly. Also: Dig the shit outta his use of creative percussion.

GAMEPLAY:
You move by pressing the arrow keys (or WASD), and you equip, sell, or use items and spells by clicking and dragging items around. This can be annoying on a touchpad. Enemies are fought by running into them, which engages your character in inescapable combat. Make sure to use potions and healing spells, which are found in chests. Potions and Ether can be purchased every ten levels in the stores, which also sell weapons, armor, and other equipment. You can sell things you've found there, too.

Regular items and spells are found in red chests, gold is found in sacks, and golden chests contain relics or legendary items which are more powerful than other items. Escape Wings, which act like an Escape Rope in Pokémon, are also found in red chests, but only after level 5. Occasionally, instead of a bag of coins or a chest of either color, a gem will appear. These gems will permanently raise the stats of your character – red for health, orange for attack, dark blue for defense, light blue for intellect, and white for agility (I'm not sure about the last two, I may have that reversed).

That's about all there is to gameplay, really. Simple, simple game.

DIFFICULTY:
Nonexistant. The trick is paying attention to your HP as you ram full-speed into enemies and auto-combat them. There are health and mana potions to buy or find, and as soon as you beat the game once, it becomes ridiculously easy. You can one-hit-kill most enemies up until about the 70th floor, and then you run a real risk of dying in floors 80+.

LENGTH:
Depending on your luck and dedication, this may not be a very long game for you. There are 100 randomly selected floors, each stocked with random monsters, chests, and coin bags in specific places. Sometimes it takes longer because there are more of a specific type of enemy or you're just having bad items come out of the chests. That being said, you still have to walk through 100 different dungeons before the end (well, 89 or so when you subtract the stores). It can take anywhere from 1 hour to 100 hours to complete this game.

REPLAYABILITY:
Super-high. As you delve into levels again and again, the game gives you different items. You keep your relics – high-powered weapons and items that are only found in golden chests – every time you use the “Escape Wings” to leave the dungeon. All non-relics are lost forever. Some goals for after you've beaten the 100th floor, is to have all the achievements (viewable in the title screen by clicking on the chalice on the rocks), all of the gold-chest items, and to be able to take down the final boss in a single hit. I have only achieved one of these goals. I'm working on the last two.

SEQUEL!
There is a sequel in the works for The Enchanted Cave, and it's something special. Instead of just being a 100 floor dungeon that you just sort of appear in, there's an actual story, there's a town, and there's a crafting system! Just as exciting as the obvious and amazing leap in Mr. Auxier's spriting (or pixel art) skills is the news regarding a new composer. As amazing as Alonso Rojas is, the idea that Grant Kirkhope (BAFTA nominated composer of Perfect Dark, Goldeneye, and Donkey Kong 64, among many others) will be composing the music sends me into swirls of joy and aural ecstasy. Seriously – This guy is freaking amazing, and the idea that I'll be getting the album (I was a backer on the Kickstarter), is exciting. Auxier himself has a blog at http://dustinauxier.com/

I can't wait to see what else this awesome fellow comes up with.

That's all I have to say on this matter, so go enjoy something!

– FC





The Enchanted Cave is (c) Dustin Auxier. Play it here: http://www.kongregate.com/games/DustinAux/the-enchanted-cave

Seriously!

Monday, April 7, 2014

W - Wrestlemania 30! (SPOILERS)

WRESTLEMANIA 30 SPOILERS:

I know, you're expecting a game review, but this is important to me. If you're not into pro-wrestling, wait for my upcoming Enchanted Cave review. Also: TONS of F-bombs here. Enjoy?

***

I got so freaking sick of the storyline leading to the HHH vs Bryan match that I was utterly cynical about the whole Mania, leading to much amusement from the Thai-Bringer. I am pleased to announce that the cynicism appears to have been largely unfounded.

The opening notes of the Mania, despite being tainted by more shitty Kid Rock music, were amazing. Hulk Hogan coming out to some interest, his lemon yellow and wild-cherry red boa concealing his sagging, sun-afflicted skin was... uninspiring, really, but then a miracle: shattering glass and crunchy guitars - The Texas Rattlesnake himself! STONE COLD! MA GAWD! And then!!! FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK! I was well pleased.

While I was surprised by the Streak breaking, it seemed to break the Thai-Bringer's brain - he had a "does not compute" look on his face for a good 20 seconds. Still, it's truly the end of an era - Paul Bearer is gone, Kane is unmasked, and Undertaker is no longer undefeated. It was an amazing moment to be a part of. The match itself? Kinda... bad, really. I am anything but a Lesnar fan, so... watching him land so many weird-looking (read “visibly botched, even to an amateur viewer like me”) suplexes on Undertaker's hip and side, which I know are fucked beyond belief, was not fun. At all. Taker was surprisingly good, considering that he debuted around the time I was born. Christ. What a career!

As for the rest of the card? The Andre Invitational had to end with a Giant vs Giant-Killer finish. The Divas match was... really hard to watch. I despise the fake-looking belt, the boring, poorly-trained "Divas" (with notable exceptions being Natalya, Emma, and of course, the incomparable AJ Lee), and the fact that there aren't enough real challengers to Lee or Natalya or Emma to make any match really tough to call/enjoyable to watch. Can we please get Aksana out of the damn ring before she causes a fatality?

Divas rant concluded, I still think that the Kofi spot was one of my favorite moments of the Andre Invitational. And that the Slam City Promo is one of my favorite things ever (Hacksaw vs Slaughter, Steamboat, and the Million Dollar Man himself!).

Cena vs Wyatt kept me guessing. Cena had energy, which was a shock to someone like me, who has only seen Captain Thuganomics in gassy, chest-heaving "action" (with few exceptions). Tonight, he was on fire. Not literally, that would have ended the match much earlier. Instead, he and Bray Wyatt had an absolutely riveting match that I think will stick in my mind. I never, ever thought I could say that about a match featuring John Cena.

HHH vs Bryan - oh my fuck. I was half-convinced that HHH would make WM 30 his comeback. He'd fuck Bryan out of the belt and the headlines tomorrow would read "75'000 Indicted on Murder Charge as Wrestlemania Crowd Storms Ring in Protest". Instead, we got a match where Bryan carries an exhausted HHH to a finish that is quickly muddled with bitchy, whiny HHH and screechy, whiny Steph (both of whom I despise as characters, as I'm supposed to, but it's still “Shut Up and Go Home” Heat, as the Thai-Bringer would say) attacking Bryan. Fuck you guys, you've already done this and it was stupid and predictable on RAW. At Wrestlemania, it just makes me question whether you have a fucking death wish.

(EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to mention the triumphant return of Bootleg Conan HHH!  Holy fuck was I shocked to see that elaborate throne, complete with scantily clad women and skull-crown!  I was simultaneously awed and appalled by this - it seemed to me to be a harbinger of HHH's return to the ring.  Never have I been happier to be wrong.  Now, if only he came out to belly-dancers and pyro every time he got up to make a speech on RAW...)

The main event had me gritting my teeth long before I even knew I'd be watching Wrestlemania. I don't care about Batista. He is, in my opinion, an unenjoyable performer. Outside the ring? Oh, I love him. He's hilarious, and he was made to be a Heel. Orton is a wrestler I have issues with. He's often put up against people who can't or won't work with him, he's made to seem weak or cowardly at every opportunity, spending much of this year's storyline basically being HHH's pet. Also, I hate that he continues the horrific trend of NOT WEARING PANTS. Put some pants on, wrestlers. You look like morons in your undies. Yes, even you, Daniel Bryan. Even you.

My fuck, the sheer volume and energy of the crowd for everything relating to Daniel Bryan carried much of that main event. As I've said, I don't like Batista as a wrestler at all, and when he's “working” with Orton? Snore. Adding in Daniel Bryan was the only way WWE could have saved that match from becoming a piss-break match. When the GOAT (one of Bryan's nicknames) came into the ring, still exhausted and injured from his bout with HHH, I could tell the match would be bloody. And it was. By accident.

I'm just gonna say this: Monitors, guys. Fucking monitors. Ouch.

So, I'm gonna say that the end, with Daniel Bryan finally coming out on top, victorious and beaming and overcome with emotion while the air fills with confetti and smoke and pyro and the deafening “YES! YES! YES!” of 75'000+ people in the New Orleans Superdome? That's gonna stay with me forever.

YES! YES! YES! YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES! YES! YES! YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!