Wednesdaymania 234: G1 Climax 29 Finals

G1 Climax 29 Final
August 12, 2019
The Budokan
3:32:05 for the whole show

Guys, this was maybe one of the best G1s in history. They've been throwing these shindigs for about as long as I've been alive, and they only get better!

Now, certainly, I have issues with how they booked Taichi over Naito, but my whining aside, this was an insane tournament, and if you want your mind blown with good wrestling, you go watch the whole thing. Every day. That's about... 33 hours, 40 minutes of just the wrestling. There's probably close to an hour and a half each day of just the interim stuff! At least!

Good god.

SO: here's just the matches all for you.


Match 1: Karl Fredericks and Clark Connors vs Ren Narita and Yota Tsuji (9:53)

I've gushed about Young Lions before, and this match is basically a clinic. They really show their stuff here, and when Yota Tsuji is your "weak link" you're doing pretty freakin well. Because Yota Tsuji is already as good as most guys in the WWE. Not joking.

Rocky Romero, on commentary, talked about his time in the New Japan Dojo, explaining that the LA boys get more of a focus on actual wrestling, whereas (at least when he was in the Japanese Dojo) the boys from Japan end up getting mostly MMA training.

Meanwhile, all four of these men were having a heck of a match, selling everything like they were actually in a real fight, culminating in (I'm pretty sure) Clark Connors laying in such a deep Boston Crab on Yota Tsuji that I feared for the man. It was a fantastic way to finish a marvelous match.


Match 2: Taguchi Japan (Jeff Cobb and Jushin Thunder Liger) with Tiger Mask IV vs Suzuki-gun (Lance Archer, Taichi, and Yoshinobu Kanemaru) (7:36)

Miho Abe, Taichi's valet, showed up in... a t-shirt? Huh. Odd. I think that was their way of signalling their loss to the crowd, because she's always in her gear. Also, they rarely have her up on the turnbuckles with everyone else.

Suddenly, Liger's music hit, and Kevin Kelly gave out a boyish "Yayyyyy!" that had me cackling. The match started with a brawl (and Miho running outside as quickly as she could, poor dear), and then they settled into a great match. In spite of Taichi. At least he kept his stupid pants on.

Jeff Cobb and Lance Archer were perfect for each other in this match, and I was surprised that they weren't a bigger part of the G1 Final - they're awesome.

In the end, Taguchi Japan were victorious and performed Liger's pose in the ring all together. It was adorable. This was probably Liger's final G1 Match in his life, and that makes me very sad.


Match 3: Bullet Club (Chase Owens, Taiji Ishimori, and Yujiro Takahashi with the lovely Pieter) vs Chaos (Sho, Yoh, and Will Ospreay) (7:57)

Not gonna lie, when Pieter came out with very little on her lower half besides some ridiculously wide fishnets and a practically painted-on g-string, I kind of had a brain break. She's insanely beautiful, and she's currently the best part of the Tokyo Pimps. I mean, come on. She's gorgeous!

As for the wrestling in this match, it was, of course, phenomenal. I'm not even joking. Yes, Chase Owens is a student of Ricky Morton and he kind of is the Ricky to Taiji's Robert. Yes, Yujiro is still a half-baked worker 90% of the time. But Taiji is so. good.

I'm digging Ospreay's slightly safer working style - heavy on selling his slowly collapsing body, lighter on the crazy moves.

Except for doing one of those crazy "hey, let me run up your chest, do a back flip, then flip again and kick you in the face" moves on Ishimori. Yikes. In a good way, but yikes all the same.

It's also Tiger Hatori's last match in the Budokan (the elderly referee). He's awesome and we'll miss him.

In the end, Ospreay performed a gravity-defying Stormbreaker on Yujiro and pinned him after playing airtraffic control for Roppongi 3K, who leaped from the ring in a duet of perfectly executed Topes con Hilos to keep any interference from the ring.

Fabulous match.


Match 4: Taguchi Japan (Juice Robinson and Toa Henare) vs Jon Moxley and Shota "Shooter" Umino (6:19)

Talk about your brutal matches! These guys beat each other nearly to death, and it was awesome to watch. I love that Shota was wearing Mox's jacket and carrying his belt, but still looked like he was choosing to do it! The commentary team are a bit worried for Shota, saying he should take some time to "decompress" and absorb Moxley's teachings so as not to become too violent early in his career. They only had 10 days until the Super J Cup tournament, so I don't know how much "decompression" he'll get.

Umino still lost the match, but his energy was phenomenal in his fight against Henare! While Henare did pin him, the last laugh belonged to Moxley, who had none of that losing nonsense and chucked Juice straight through a spare table and walked out with the belt, letting Shota follow under his own power.

Straight up, you need to see this match if you want to know why people wanted to push Dean Ambrose back in the day. This match will teach you what Vince refused to see.


Match 5: Taguchi Japan (Ryusuke Taguchi, Togi Makabe, Tomoaki Honma, Toru Yano) with Hirooki Goto vs Los Ingobernables de Japon (EVIL, Sanada, Bushi, Shingo Takagi, and Tetsuya Naito) (8:56)

Let me just say I'm not a huge fan of multi-man tag matches. They're not long enough for everyone to shine and they're hard to keep track of.

That being said, this was one of the good ones!

First off, we had Kevin Kelly's hilarious running "Hey, it's Honma!" gag every time Honma has come to the ring with his weird hood and taken it off in-ring. Then we had BUSHI coming out with a mask that I couldn't decide if it was supposed to be Flowey from Undertale or the Demogorgon from Stranger Things... probably Flowey? Not sure. Neither was Rocky Romero, who insisted with every mask that each mask was totes BUSHI's for real face, guys. Sanada still has the absolute best skull masks on Earth.

The match itself is shockingly brutal, with Taguchi, a comedy guy, getting his face plowed into the ring so hard I worried he'd end up like Yoshi-Hashi. Then again, there was still the laughable moment of Goto having to jog across the arena and back up the entrance ramp to free Yano from the Paradise Lock, which he was abandoned in. That was funny!

You know what's not funny? Head trauma.

Which is why I hate the Kokeshi Drop. It's already nearly ended Honma's career once. It can be retired before he's forced to be.

Speaking of Honma, Chris Charleton was with us this evening at the G1 and informed viewers that Honma's distinctive, growly voice is the result of a crushed larynx. Don't try this at home, kids.

Sanada ended the match by utterly wrecking Honma and pinning him. All in all, a fun ten-man tag match!


Match 6: Bullet Club GoD (Bad Luck Fale, Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa) vs Chaos (Tomohiro Ishii, Yoshi-Hashi, and KENTA) (8:35)

By now you'll have probably heard the news about KENTA and the result of this match.

I don't really have the words for this, so I'll just copy-paste my notes.

• Oh boy. I do not know how to feel about this. I know how it ended, and what happened after, but here’s the match itself.
• Before the intros, Kevin Kelly talks about how he can’t wait to go home and celebrate his wife’s birthday, stick around with his kids. Chris Charleton is going to be… vaguely busy? Rocky will be training in the Caribbean.
• Ain’t nobody realer than Gorillas.
• Dude, the Tongans are insanely perfect. I love them and fear them and respect them. They are, in fact, GoD.
• Wait… is their theme over the beat to that one song where the guy is rapping about putting white girls in his trunk and not wanting to kill people but he does it anyway?
• Good guys all come out to their own themes. Lack of cohesion among the Faces could lead to their downfall overall (opinion).
• It’s a gooooood match, right up til the end. And boy, the end.
• So, basically, about ¾ of the way through, KENTA stops accepting tags. In fact, he has no interest in fighting.
• Because KENTA has joined Bullet Club.
• This is a problem, because KENTA is best pals (or so we thought) with Mr New Japan himself, Katsuyori Shibata.
• Who shows up.
• And has a minimatch vs KENTA and the Bullet Club where they mock him after beating him nearly to death.
• On the one hand, Shibata looks like a million Yen
• On the other hand, Shibata broke his goddamn neck. Stop testing it, bro, it’s not a good idea.
• But I also really miss having Shibata in the ring…

Match 7: Suzuki-gun (Minoru Suzuki and Zack Sabre Jr) vs Hiroshi Tanahashi and Kazuchika Okada (15:27)

Thank god, a non-controversial match!

Seriously, this match is amazing! I loved it. It is a close contender for match of the night! Two Submission Gods vs two men who look great taking submissions? Sign me the heck up!

Oh look, controversy - Suzuki has cupping bruises. If you don't know what cupping is, it's a pseudoscientific nonsensical "treatment" athletes are raving about where your sore parts are suction cupped so that the blood flows to the area faster and you heal faster. There is no real science to back this up (just like the claims of chiropractors and acupuncturists, which are also pseudoscience). And just like with acupuncture and chiropractic nonsense, it can kill you. Easily. Because when you pull blood to the skin? And you intentionally bruise yourself? It can form really nasty clots and kill you. What's worse? A sore shoulder? OR DEATH?!

Okay, now I'm done with controversy, because this match. Oh man, this match was so flipping cool!

My favorite part might have been Suzuki and ZSJ both latching on submissions on the same guy, then getting bored with their limbs and swapping places so they could crush the other limb!!!

In the end, Suzuki got hold of Okada and tried to crush his throat for a while before pinning his lifeless body for the win. Watch the match. It's incredible.


Match 8: Kota Ibushi vs Jay White (31:01)

This match is 100% pure violence and wickedness. I love it. Seriously.

From the moment Jay arrived with the entire Bullet Club (including the treacherous KENTA), to the moment Red Shoes shooed them all backstage, leaving only Gedo, I knew this match would be amazing. And it was.

There is no way I can describe this match with anything approaching justice. I can only say this: it's one of the most fantastic half hours in Japanese wrestling in the last year. Looking for a match where two masters of their craft out think, outrun, out wrestle, and outdo one another for a full half hour plus? Here you go. It's giftwrapped and everything.

Also, watching Red Shoes eject specifically Gedo is life, and I love it.

Go watch Kota Ibushi vs Jay White. I don't care how you have to do it. Just do it.


Go Enjoy Something!!!
FC

Wednesdaymania 233: G1 Climax 29 in Sapporo

The main matches of B-Block Night 2/Night 4 overall

I didn't watch this whole card, sadly - though I'm actually going to go back and watch the matches I skipped! I just didn't have the hours to spend and watch it at the time.

So, this was the second night of B-Block matches, the fourth night of the G1 Climax tournament, and it took place at the Hokkaido Prefectural Sports Center in Sapporo. It's a beautiful arena, and our commentary team were Kevin Kelley and Rocky Romero, who are just fantastic the whole night through (or at least, throughout the matches I watched!). These matches took place on July 15, 2019.


Toru Yano vs Shingo Takagi

People give Yano a lot of guff for being a comedy character surrounded by tough guys, but I kinda dig him. Last year, he was all about fair play, but this year, he's completely insane. I mean, he's named all the turnbuckles and he uses them all as weapons whenever he can. I find it hilarious that a bunch of muscle-bound dudes are selling so hardcore against a bunch of vinyl upholstered pillows, but hey, I'm not a wrestler.

Shingo Takagi is a beast, but he's a beast with a bone to pick with Yano. Shingo is from Hokkaido/Sapporo. Yano is from Tokyo. Somehow, Yano is the goodwill ambassador to Hokkaido instead of Shingo Takagi. As one might expect, the Dragon is somewhat bitter about this and uses that rage to his advangtage throughout the match.

Early in the match, Yano grabbed a turnbuckle that Rocky told us was named "Mary" and bludgeoned Shingo with it. Later on, Yano even knocked a ref down and tried to get Shingo Takagi caught with a chair that Yano had introduced to the ring - thankfully, Bushi was a bro and showed up to distract the ref juuuuuuuuust long enough for justice to be done and Shingo Takagi pinned Toru Yano at 6:16.

This is a fun, painless match with just enough comedy to be funny and just enough wrestling to still feel legitimate. Definitely give it a watch!


Juice Robinson vs Hirooki Goto

So, Juice is much more intense this year than he has ever been. He's much quieter, verbally, but he's just as flamboyant as ever in his entrances and in-ring action. Goto, on the other hand, mostly gets teased by the commentary team telling him he should get a smaller LA Dojo t-shirt to "show off his guns".

Don't let that fool you about this match, however. This one was awesome!

Goto has learned how to kick so well that I can actually forgive him for being the wrestling equivalent of bran cereal, and he absolutely punishes Juice for most of this match. Juice sells like a starfish at one point, laying completely splayed in the middle of the ring after a particularly brutal exchange with Goto, who got so exhausted trying to beat down the indomitable spirit of Juice Robinson that he could not capitalize on the moment. Punches were exchanged to the tops of each other's heads (stop that) and headbutts were landed (STOP THAT) until Juice finally managed to land a blow from the Right Hand of God (his left hand) and deliver a Pump Friction to Goto to win in 12:23.

This match felt like it was the absolute perfect length, and I would watch it again in a heartbeat! It's an absolute contender for Match of the Night!


Jeff Cobb vs Jon Moxley

What a pair of literal beasts. Moxley came in through the crowd with Shota Umino carrying his title. He's apparently nicknamed Shota "Shooter", and I hope he takes that and runs with it when he goes on Excursion (when the Young Lions go out into the world to hone their craft), because "Shooter Umino" sounds awesome.

The match devolved into a brawl pretty quickly, ending up with Jon and Jeff out on the ramp doing terrifying spots and generally looking incredible. The ref mainly looked annoyed that they didn't care what he was telling them to do. When they eventually did get back into the ring, the match became a big beefy power move match! They would interrupt each other's strikes and power moves with more strikes and power moves and it was a joy to watch!

Jeff Cobb, by the way, has possibly the most beautiful standing moonsault in the business.

And Jon Moxley sells like he's got a trunk full of vacuums - that is to say, he sells really nicely!

In the end, Moxley hits a Draping Deathrider DDT off the center rope on Cobb and pins him for the win at 8:54.

I could've used another five minutes of these two, but that might be unfair to them both, since they looked gleefully spent by the end. They knew they'd had a fantastic match.


Tomohiro Ishii vs Jay White

Sometimes you just want to see a Stone Pitbull beat a Switchblade like a piñata. If that's the case with you, then watch this match. It's all about Ishii proving that he's not all brawn and out thinking both Gedo (who Rocky continuously refers to as "Fredo") and Jay White. The match is brutal, exciting, and really, really well executed.

I both love and hate Jay White’s beard – on the one hand, it makes him look less like a kid – on the other hand, I kinda liked that he was a megaheel with a baby face.

Ishii gave Jay a grand tour of all of his most devastating moves, which just made me appreciate even more what a generous salesman Jay is. He made it look like Ishii was actually killing him.

In a shocking turn of events, it was Ishii and not a Bullet Club member who wound up stealing the timekeeper's chair and hurling it at Jay, who was collapsed against the barricade and barely got away in time. This match was full of terrifying moments like that.

Jay, despite being pummeled within an inch of his life, still managed to be a cocky little dork by refusing to pin Ishii properly, which meant that Ishii was always able to easily kick out and continue to punish the young man.

In spit of a horrifyingly vicious DDT that saw Ishii balanced on the top of his head for a full two seconds or more, the Stone Pitbull managed to get back up and have a blistering exchange of half-formed finishers with Jay White until he threw the Switchblade down in a truly brutal Brainbuster for the win at 19:13.

This was another match that could have been Match of the Night, and if you're going to watch it, make sure you are prepared for a true battering of both men!

Final Match:
Taichi vs Naito

You read that right.

It was about what you'd expect, but horribly long. This match took 21:01 to finish, and it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

What the heck did Naito do?

Why did Taichi win?

Ugh.

Bleh.


Go Enjoy Something (especially after ending on that note :| )
FC

Wednesdaymania 231: G1 29 in Ota City Tokyo

G1 Climax 29; Night 2, Ota City General Gymnasium, Tokyo

I don't know that I'll do every day of the G1 tournament, but I felt like running down just the Ota City Gymnasium matches, which should be fun :)

The first thing I'd like to note is that this G1 seems to be commentated in English by the most excellent threesome of Kevin Kelly, Rocky Romero, and Chris Charleton. Kevin Kelly is, of course a veteran of the announcing/commentary scene, and Rocky Romero has been calling spots for years both as a wrestler and as a really funny manager. Chris Charleton was a nerd on Twitter translating as much of New Japan's content as he could just for funsies.

This is the kind of commentary team I love most, I must admit: The Straight Man, The Comedian, and The Nerd. It's why I liked the team of  Schiavone, Heenan, and Tenay on WCW matches. Sciavone was the whitebread middle man who may not have been the most knowledgeable about wrestling, but he maintained as much decorum as he could. Heenan would mercilessly taunt the Faces (good guys) and tout the Heels (bad guys) and make as many jokes as he could (though in his case, that was just to keep his interest up...). And then you had Mike Tenay. Mike Tenay was an absolute pocket protector nerd when it came to wrestling - he knew all of the Luchadores and their backgrounds, he knew a spinning heel kick from a moonsault, and he could explain what you were seeing in the ring.

In the case of the G1-29 commentary ring, the roles are a little muddied, but that's kind of how things are these days, where we understand that the world is not a dichotomy of good vs evil, but instead has many qualities native to all people. I mean, good and evil still exist, don't get me wrong - some things (like rescuing people who need rescuing or caring for the sick for instance) are inherently good, and some things (like being abusive or the overaccumulation of wealth for the purpose of keeping it away from those who have nothing, for instance) are inherently evil, but that's not germane to this particular instance.

The G1-29 commentary trio has Kevin Kelly's experience backing up his announcing, and he knows the moves and the wrestlers, so he's not as reliant on the expertise of others. Rocky Romero knows more than just how to throw or take a punch, since he's been as much a behind-the-scenes man as he has been a wrestler or manager, so he's not as reliant on Kevin or Chris to tell what's what. Chris, however, lacks the experience of either man, but he's a far more reliable translator than either for word and intent. Instead of being three absolute archetypes, we have a group of men who feel like they're friends with one another, talking about the sporting event they see in front of them, each bringing their own unique perspective and nerding out about the things that make them happy.

But you're not here to listen to me espouse the glory that is the New Japan English Commentary Team. You're here for the G1. I'm going to have to apologize for the lack of photos here - it was pretty hard to pin down all but the singles matches.


MATCH 1: A six-man tag between Los Ingobernables de Japon (EVIL, Sanada, BUSHI) and the team of Kota Ibushi, Will Ospreay and young lion Yuya Uemura

I think I may have mentioned before that "young lions" are the young men who are training to become wrestlers. Yuya Uemura is one of these young lions, and he's been placed on a team with Ibushi and Ospreay, which I think says a lot about how well New Japan feels he's doing! Yes, when young lions are part of these matches, they're usually there to lose so that the team they're a part of doesn't lose any respect, but it is a clear indicator that the company believes the young man is worthy of a match with not just three other great wrestlers, but five! It does, however, mean that they still have questions about his stamina, since six-man tag matches rarely have two of the same people in the ring for more than a few minutes at a time.

This match is great - EVIL starts off by trying to destroy Ibushi's pre-injured ankle, and Ibushi sells the injury like Flo sells Progressive - aggressively and loudly. The match then proceeds to behave like a six man tag usually does - with multiple tags in and out on both parties. Ospreay gets some good offense in, and everyone teases their best moves on each other. I like Yuya Uemura's Boston Crab - it's got some oomph and he really lays it in. My only complaint about the Crab is that he lets it loose too easily. That's likely because it would signal disrespect to the more experienced BUSHI (who he laid it onto) if he really fought him on it? I don't know.

Regardless, within a few more moves, BUSHI pins Uemura at 7:59, and it was a pretty fun nearly eight minutes of my life! I think that this match really showed that EVIL is a legitimate contender in this G1, which is really cool for Z, who is possibly EVIL's biggest fan.


MATCH 2: A tag match between the Bullet Club (Chase Owens and Bad Luck Fale) and Suzuki-Gun (Lance Archer and Yoshinobu Kanemaru)

This match begins with the best flub of the G1. Bless Kevin Kelly, it's hard to say as much as he says as clearly as he says it as quickly as he speaks, so while I knew he was trying to say "The Rogue General" when talking about how long it's been since Fale had been submitted in the G1, he did not sound like he said "general".

I promise you, he said "The Rogue Genital". And I had to pause the match while I howled. Thankfully, it was only during the entrance!

As always with the Bullet Club, I groan whenever I see Chase Owens, whose chief importance to the Bullet Club seems to be a willingness to lie down when necessary. To be certain, this is a vital function, but please, do not push someone as a jobber in the ring and then tell the announcers to tell us that said Jobber is just as dynamic and incredible as everyone else on the team...

There's some good storytelling in this match. Archer wants Fale, Fale wants Archer, Kanemaru wants alcohol, and Owens just wants to keep Fale safe. I do respect that about his character. He'll tag in to take any beating for anyone from anyone. At one point, he's trying to batter Archer, who has none of it and just... punishes him. Eventually, Kanemaru tags in and he and Owens do a little mat wrestling, which, I'll admit, was pretty impressive, especially considering how little I usually enjoy watching Owens work. He's improved!

Of course, no way is Owens going to take down Kanemaru, even though Kanemaru is kind of the Owens of Suzuki-Gun (with Tai Chi being a garbage off-brand cosplay Yano), so both Archer and Fale get back in the ring. They both perform enormous chokeslams on their smaller opponents (Fale throttling Kanemaru while Archer manhandles Owens) and the resulting impact is so severe that the poor ref tumbles to the mat, protesting the whole time. It's great.

Archer and Fale wound up brawling into the arena, which muddied the in-ring match for a while, and then my heart stopped.

What. The. Heck.

Chase

Owens

pinned

Kanemaru.

Chase Owens has a win. What is happening?!

Now, to be completely fair, Owens beat Kanemaru with possibly the prettiest Package Pile Driver I've ever seen from him. It was just a really well-executed pile driver, and I'm in shock.

If you want to spend 5:59 in utter confusion but still enjoy yourself, this is a good match!


MATCH 3: Another six-man tag match. Team 1 is lead by KENTA and has young lions Clark Connors and Karl Fredericks. Team 2 is lead by Hiroshi Tanahashi and has young lions Shota Umino and Ren Narita

I... was not expecting this match either. I like the idea of KENTA vs Tanahashi. I've never seen Connors or Fredericks before. I love both Umino and Narita, who I feel are going to be the next Roppongi 3K, but much more technical. Very cool!

It starts as a bit of a cluster, with everyone trying to kill each other at first before settling down and having Connors start with Narita. They're so, so good. The LA Dojo guys seem pretty polished, especially considering the LA Dojo has only been open since March of last year. The mat wrestling between Connors and Narita is crisp and realistic (there's a struggle for control against each other that I don't see in a lot of US wrestlers here in the states). They act like this is a real fight where they don't know the ending and might not eat tonight if they don't win. I like that.

Shota Umino really wants Fredericks, much to Connors' disdain. Still, he obliges and lets his partner in when Narita tags Umino in. Why are young lions so darn good when they're so darn young and new to the business? Seriously, it's almost like the Dojos in Japan and LA are these weird mad science labs where regular people walk in and fully formed wrestlers walk out within a few short years of training. A lot of the guys I've been seeing, (Fredericks, Connors, Umino, and Narita included) show up in New Japan matches wrestling better than people who've been on NXT for twice as long. It's... incredible.

Umino and Fredericks are power guys. They muscle each other around, they trash talk each other, they even test each other's strength, and the overall result is that I desperately want their post-excursion personas to show up tomorrow, even though I know that's not how it works. They're going to be amazing. They're going to make their trainers so proud. They're going to impress the heck outta you.

I'm a little confused, though. KENTA is being set up as something of a Heel - which I understand since he wandered around with other, competing companies before coming to New Japan (remember, he was Hideo Itami in the WWE, but he also used to work for Pro-Wrestling Noah), and he also trained Taichi, which... uh, total heel move, bro - but the young lions working with Babyface Extraordinaire (super mega good guy) Tanahashi double-team Fredericks after knocking the shockingly well-behaved Connors and Kenta off of the apron? What is going on here? That's not a good-guy move, especially as unprovoked as it is...

Now, KENTA does not take this lying down, of course, so when he eventually gets tagged into the ring with Umino, he just wallops him until he lays down like a sack of damp towels. Eventually, after a lot of beating up on Shota Umino, tagging the LA boys (Connors and Fredericks) in and out, KENTA gets what he's wanted this whole match - the man he faces the next day in a singles match.

Hiroshi Tanahashi.

The two absolutely pummel each other with some really stiff forearms, acting like they get paid by the elbow strike. After beating up on one another, Tanahashi gets KENTA into a truly uncomfortable-looking Cloverleaf. The only thing that saves KENTA is the timely interference of Connors. Eventually, Fredericks is tagged back in and goes to town with Narita, chopping away like proper lumberjacks. I don't really like Narita's Boston Crab, I'll admit, but he's a suplex machine. Two really brutal suplexes fail to put Federicks away, however, and he launches a truly amazing standing dropkick that looked like a shotgun blast to Narita's face.

Fredericks, apparently being the bizarre love child of Eddie Guerrero and Scott Hall, deploys his exaggerated limbs with incredible accuracy. He lays in a vicious half-crab on Narita, bending the man in half backwards. There is no escape for Narita, who collapses to the floor, balanced only on his pectorals and screaming in pain. He submits at the 11:13 mark.

Somehow, that was only the third match on the card. I was nearly exhausted at this point.


MATCH 4: A tag match between Suzuki-Gun (Zack Sabre Jr and Minoru Suzuki) and CHAOS (Kazuchika Okada and Yoshi-Hashi)

This match starts with a gift to the fans - the opening pair is Zach Sabre Jr vs Kazuhcika Okada, two men who hate each other's guts, and who seem to be allergic to having bad matches. They tangle immediately and I'm not entirely sure whether Okada was just yelling ZSJ's name or if he was cursing in very rude English as he made his attack...

After the tags, Suzuki drags Yoshi-Hashi into the arena and batters him with a barricade, but Yoshi-Hashi gets back into the ring before the countout. Suzuki, it seems, is pretty unhappy with being left out of the G1 proper, but Yoshi-Hashi is pretty used to it at this point, so Suzuki is much more angry than Yoshi-Hashi. Suzuki sends ZSJ in for the kill after trying to submit Yoshi-Hashi, quickly followed by multiple tags in and out between Suzuki and ZSJ, who take turns twisting Yoshi-Hashi's arm around as cruelly as they can. It's great.

Having his face rearranged by the ring apron last year really sparked something in Yoshi-Hashi, I think, since he's suddenly much better able to go toe-to-toe with Minoru Suzuki now. He delivers some truly vicious chops to Suzuki, who responds with equally vicious forearms, but Yoshi will not fall, delivering a horrifying chop and a really painful-looking clothesline. Then we return to Okada vs ZSJ.

ZSJ just immediately starts wrapping Okada into knots, with Okada fighting every step of the way. Once that Octopus Stretch is locked, though, there's only so much you can do. At least, that's true if you're alone, but Yoshi-Hashi escapes from Suzuki's clutches off camera and runs in to break up the submission, followed by a furious Suzuki. When ZSJ eventually tries to Octopus Okada again, he responds by turning the initial hold into an Armdrag to throw ZSJ off!

Eventually, Yoshi-Hashi is tagged back in, however, to do his job, which is, of course, the job - he is submitted by one of  ZSJ's cruelest armbars at the 11:16 mark. If you're into submissions and watching people hate each other, this is a great match for that. If you're into great wrestling, this is a great match for that, too.


MATCH 5: Juice Robinson vs Shingo Takagi

Shingo Takagi is amazing, and he's a truly worthy opponent for Juice Robinson. I remember when Juice was just CJ Parker, some dweeb with dreds and a sign in WWE. It was a garbage gimmick that he did his best to get over (popular), and the best things it did were a) give a basis for the new Daniel Bryan gimmick they're doing, and b) get New Japan's attention so they hired Juice.

This match is brutal. I love that these two are really feeling each other out and learning how to fight one another. It's a very American-feeling match at first, two, with several tests of strength where they run into one another, and then ending up going outside with a DDT from Shingo to Juice on the floor. Ouch. The crowd cannot decide who they love more, the charismatic and fun-to-watch Juice Robinson, or the hard-hitting and dangerous Dragon, Shingo Takagi. Watching both men realize that the crowd is in love with them is wonderful. Juice seems a little disappointed to lose some fans, but he also seems pleased to have helped get Takagi more love.

Juice takes a horrifying lariat and intentionally lands on his head, crawling to a turnbuckle to help him get up. He replies by trying to Cannonball Takagi, but Shingo moves. Shingo deadlifts Juice legs-first over his head with a dreadful slam, and it's gorgeous.

Robinson eventually no-sells (shows no pain from) a brutal suplex, sweat blistering off of both men's bodies, and the two have been so dynamite that the referee is freaking out with every move. Shingo nearly pins Juice with a truly explosive lariat, but Juice kicks out. The crowd are going nuts by the end of this match. Juice is pouring sweat when he finally lands Pulp Friction on Takagi for the win at 14:41.


MATCH 6: Jon Moxley vs Taichi

I wish Taichi would retire.

Moxley enters through the crows, only to be assaulted by Taichi in the crowd. The match has not begun yet, and the men are already brutalizing each other. When they finally do get to the ring, Moxley grabs a table from underneath. Why the referee doesn't disqualify both men for various reasons is anyone's guess. Poor Miho is screaming on the outside the whole time, which, to be honest, is some of the coolest work she's ever done. She's really come into her own as a valet in this match. Moxley blasts Taichi through the table, flipping Miho off and saying "Sucks, don't it?" to her and blowing her a kiss as he runs back into the ring where he tries to pin Taichi. This match is already too long. At one point, they involve the chair, and I laughed when the ref was just as upset by Jon removing the chair as he was when the chair was introduced. Moxley then proceeds to give Taichi a murderous Death Rider for a victory in an eternal 7:36.


MATCH 6: Toru Yano vs Tetsuya Naito

What did Naito do? Seriously. Who has he ticked off backstage to be put up against Toru Yano? Honestly, though, the best part of this match is when Rocky Romero tells Kevin Kelly that the turnbuckles have names - Tom and Steve, specifically. Is Naito injured? Why else would this match be so short and end with an upset victory of Yano pulling Naito's shirt over his head, spearing him, and rolling him up in a pitiful 3:42. Ugh.


MATCH 8: Tomohiro Ishii vs Jeff Cobb

You remember that scene in the Godzilla movie with Bryan Cranston when Ken Watanabe said "Let Them Fight"?

Yeah, that's basically this match. These are two monsters you really want to see fight each other and they do not disappoint. It's two huge guys who don't feel pain just... beating each other to a pulp. It's not just some slobberknocker, though. It's a match built on momentum and selling (or not selling) the strength of each other's moves. It's clear that they feel pain, but each man wants to pretend that they are immune to knife-edge chops and brutal forearms. Jeff Cobb lands a stalling superplex on Ishii at one point from the second rope, but Ishii refuses to lay down. It's insane. There's more deadlifting in this match than in the last six Olympic games and more headbutts than most whole pay-per-views contain. This is insane. How both men aren't dead, I don't think I'll ever understand. It takes a Vertical Drop Brainbuster from Ishii for him to pin Cobb after a horrifyingly, amazingly brutal 18:33.

This is a nearly twenty minute match that I will happily watch again, especially if I have to convince someone that very big men can still really get their move on in the ring.


FINAL MATCH (9): Hirooki Goto vs Jay White

I'm not a huge fan of Goto. Or at least, I haven't been. According to Rocky and Kevin Kelly, Goto has been training with my guy Katsuyori Shibata, and after this totally bananas match, I absolutely believe it. Is Goto my new favorite? Absolutely not. He's still pretty blandsauce, but he has improved by leaps and bounds since the last match of his I saw. I'm almost certain, however, that about 33 1/3% of the improvement he's showing here is the result of having a fantastic opponent like Jay White. I don't know that he could have this match with anyone else.

I will not give you a blow-by-blow on this, because it's too crazy to tell you much. I'll tell you that I loved Rocky giving out about how much he hates "that traitor" Gedo, and I can say that I've never seen Goto move this smoothly, but he absolutely earns the finish.

If you don't want to be spoiled, stop reading and go watch the match on the New Japan site.

...

You ready?

Goto actually does it. He defeats Jay White legitimately, he does it well, and he does it in a way where I want to see his next match. It takes him a very fulfilling 21:06 to do it, and there is plenty of down-time where one man or another or both are taking a breather on the mat or on the floor or whatever, but it's a match that flows and makes sense and... I don't mind watching it again?

2019 is the year of the Upset, and I'm not entirely sure how to feel about it...

Goto being more than just competent, but being enjoyable to watch...

Wow.

I think that about does it for me. This was a nearly three hour long pay-per-view and over 57% of it was just wrestling. The rest was waiting for the show to start, waiting for the matches to start, and a few breaks here and there. It's a really easy watch if you're looking for something to fill a few hours - and it's incredible!

10/10 would watch again. Even if there is a Taichi match...

Go Enjoy Something!
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Wednesdaymania 230: Sumo, AEW, and More!

Well, this has been a fairly quiet week on the me-watching-pro-wrestling end of things, but it hasn't been too quiet!

Spoilers: Kakuryuu won!

First up, let me offer my congratulations to Kakuryuu for kicking butt in this season's Sumo tournament. The Nagoya Basho of 2019 was a whirlwind of emotion. Hakuho very nearly got the Yusho (which means that he nearly won the tournament overall), but he could not put down older Yokozuna Kakuryuu, who he struggled against in the final bout. The two make excellent rivals, and I hope they can keep up the pace next Basho (tournament)!

Sadly, my favorite, Takayasu, had to bow out late in the game due to what seemed like a very bad bicep/elbow injury, but there were some stunning bouts early on, and he wasn't alone in the "very good work" department. Several newcomers and youngsters were able to wow Z and I as we watched, and if you're looking to access sumo for the first time, this is probably the basho to do it on.

If you'd like to watch the two-week extravaganza, I suggest checking out Kintamayama, as he does some great coverage!

These three go together like three plaits on a braid. It's like they were always meant to be!

In AEW news, they're going full steam ahead towards the next PPV, and I'm loving the interplay we're seeing with Marko Stunt, Luchasaurus, and Jungle Boy. Stunt has been hanging around backstage at AEW shows (in storyline) and getting picked on and derided by wrestlers and nonwrestlers alike (Billy Gunn even tells him to "grow up a little" in one sketch) until Luchasaurus voices that he and Jungle Boy have his back. Jungle Boy just about killed me with his great Tarzan spot with Stunt - I was laughing too hard to breathe!

As I was typing all of this up, however, we wound up with some amazing news:

AEW will premier on TNT on October 2nd! We now only have 70 days until AEW is on television! I know I'll be doing my best to watch - will you?

You will never hear the word "tiddlywinks" the same way again...

In other Wrestling talk, Z and I watched a Christmas episode of RAW that... well, it was awful and I loved it. If you were an Attitude Era fan, you probably know what episode I'm eluding to when I say that the reindeer costume Sable was wearing perfectly conveyed the utter depression that storyline caused, and also: wtf Gold Dust? Or rather, the Artist Formerly Known As Gold Dust... lol.

I'm more excited about this episode, though, in a New Japan way, because this RAW took place in Lowell, Massachusetts. It, in fact, takes place in one of the venues New Japan is coming to! If you have the WWE Network and you want to see what the Lowell location looks like before deciding whether or not to go to the New Japan show, give it a gander. It's 12/22/1997, if you need to go by date.

I think that'll about do it for me - Z and I are planning on catching up with New Japan's G1 Tournament today, so you may hear more about it from me next week.

Until then...

Go Enjoy Something!
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