Showing posts with label horror. Show all posts
Showing posts with label horror. Show all posts

Friday, February 7, 2020

Filmic Friday 306: Hereditary

In Which I Have Withstood The Spooks

A couple weeks ago, I watched a real-deal, actual-factual Horror Movie - Hereditary.

Yes, everyone already reviewed this movie.

Yes, everyone mispronounces it as "Heredity".

No, I don't care.

We had a choice between Hereditary and Midsommer, but at the last second, we chose Hereditary, and I'm glad we did.

This is a movie where you really do have to sit through the whole thing to even begin to understand it, because every part of the movie is interdependent, and nothing is random (though a lot is left to chance in the plot, but I'll get to that later...). So yeah, if you're gonna watch this movie, you really do need to watch it, or you run the risk of being confused. You're not stupid - it's a complex film. Maybe a little too complex for its own good...

Hereditary starts off as a movie about mourning and coping with loss. A mother of two has lost her own mother, and she tries burying herself in her work (she's an artist who makes miniatures) to cope with her complicated feelings. Her daughter is a bit odd, but she seems like a weird kid who just does stuff her own way. Her husband is supportive and loving and tries to take care of her and their son, who seems, like most teenagers, wrapped up in his own teenage troubles.

Then things start getting weird.

A desecrated grave, an ill-advised party, a tragedy, and an ill-advised support-group friendship drive this story from the grounded-but-strange to the downright bizarre, and, to be honest, if it weren't for the director informing us of his intentions, I would have no idea whether it was a story of a family becoming horrifically unmoored or a straight-up supernatural thriller, which is a nice headspace to be in, to be honest.

Unfortunately, the director has a very set way you're supposed to interpret the film, which I feel kinda... lessens the impact.

It also feels like two almost completely separate movies that got married halfway through, though that doesn't feel too ungainly. It feels like discovery more than disappointment. See, in the first half there's this rich family drama of people who are bad at coping trying to cope with bad stuff, but then it becomes a really well-shot, unsettling horror movie with some spectacular special effects.

I like that the effects, while gory and well-crafted, aren't used to simply shock everyone. The grisly nature of some effects is upsetting enough that they don't have to linger on the effect itself. The knowledge of what has happened is too dire to ignore.

Really, every part of the movie works well together - the sound design is eerie without being exploitative, the lighting gives the feel of the despair a family would feel on the loss of loved ones, warming only when in the presence of fire, fear, or friends, and the music is effective without being overbearing. When the music is loud, it's behaving as the audience's heartbeat, rising with the tension and action before pulling back. It's nice to have a movie where, even though everyone tends to speak quietly, you can still hear what they're saying.

And then there's the plot.

I'm about to get super spoilery, so if you want to watch the movie, stop reading this review and go watch it, then come back so I can complain about walnuts.

Did you watch it? Do you not care about spoilers? Okay, here we go.

After the grandma has been buried, someone desecrates her grave, which we learn about via a phone call to the dad. The daughter character, Charlie, has a nut allergy and may or may not (absolutely is, according to the director) be the temporary earthly vessel for grandma and her secret cult's favorite demon, Paimon. Yes. This is a secret demon cult movie. No, you don't find out for sure until the last act.

Well, in order to get Paimon out of Charlie and into her brother (who has no idea about any of this), poor Charlie has to die. We are asked, by the end of the movie, to believe that the son is invited to a party where the mom knows there will likely be drinking and/or drugs, but she insists that he take Charlie with her. The mom, at this point, knows nothing about the cult and could reasonably get a babysitter for Charlie (if not just leave her alone, she's old enough to take care of herself, it seems), so this is weird because this party? This party kills Charlie.

See, the son takes Charlie to the party, where for some reason, there are people chopping mountains of walnuts, which Charlie's deathly allergic to. The son does not notice at all and goes to smoke some weed with a girl he likes, urging Charlie to eat the cake which he doesn't know has nuts in it. Charlie, of course, has a reaction and goes to get her brother to take her to the hospital. Instead of calling an ambulance. Ambulances, newsflash, don't give a crap about the presence booze or pot when there's an obvious episode of nut-induced anaphylaxis...

So sonny boy takes Charlie to the car and drives outta there like a bat outta heck. Charlie, meanwhile, is suffocating as her throat closes, so she sticks her head out the window to breathe. There's a sudden deer in the road (a carcass, actually), which causes the son to swerve. Charlie's head is then taken off by a telephone pole.

We are, by the end of this movie, expected to believe that this entire sequence was planned by the cult for the express purpose of freeing Paimon from Charlie's body so they can literally scare the son to death and put Paimon in his body.

This is insane, obviously. Also obvious is the link between all this craziness and mental illness. This could absolutely be a story about a fantastically unfortunate family where they all go crazy one-by-one, but no. Demons.

The jump from "Charlie dies horrifically, but completely by accident" to "A crazy cult of nudist geriatrics wanted a genius demon to come into being through a weird girl and her brother" is a bit too much of a leap, for me, but it's still a really cool movie in spite of the twist.

Overall, I think this movie is incredibly worth watching and  you should check it out.

Really watch it, though, because yeah... that Paimon stuff is hard to follow if you haven't been paying attention the whole time.

I'm proud of myself for only looking away during the decapitations, guys. Yeah, you read that right. There's multiple decapitations. Five, actually. One's a metaphor, though. The four physical decapitations are: Grandma's Corpse, A Dead Pigeon In A Bush, Charlie, and The Mom Via Possession/Piano Wire. The metaphysical decapitation is when the dad is killed - cutting the head from the family.

So yeah, fun, scary, cool movie.

Go watch it!

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

PS: I'm late with the blog due to internet outages - we're having an ice storm :|

Friday, November 1, 2019

Filmic Friday 244: Crystal Lake Memories


In Which I Watch A Documentary About Movies I Can't Watch

The Friday the 13th franchise is one of the holy trinity of horror, and I just... I can't watch them. Yes, I know it's fake. Yes, I know that these movies are not based on true stories. Yes, Jason Voorhees is essentially a superzombie.

I just can't take the gore effects.

Which is really sad, because I am a great lover of special effects. And the kill effects in this series are some of the best.

So instead, I watched the nine hour documentary on the whole franchise up to Freddy vs Jason and the 2009 reboot.

And it's brilliant!

So, I have a confession: I've been trying for a few hours to get the pictures to work on Blogger, and I think I've fixed it, so apologies if they're still broken.

Without further ado, here are my thoughts on this wonderful documentary:

I love the framing device they use for this

The framing device for Crystal Lake Memories is that a group of young people have gathered around a campfire at Camp Crystal Lake. Cory Feldman begins to tell the young people stories of the franchise and its history, culminating in a fantastic epilogue, so definitely watch the whole doc if you can!

The BluRay is, of course, broken up in several parts, which makes the documentary very easily digestible over several viewing sessions. That's how I watched it, curled up against the Couch Fort with my partner and very comfortably experiencing this series through its trials and tribulations.

If you've ever had any questions about the behind-the-scenes moments of any one of the Friday the 13th movies, this documentary will almost certainly answer them. It's fantastically well put together, and I learned so much about how the studios worked and how each individual film was made. I liked being able to hear the writers of some of the... lesser films (Jason Takes Manhattan, for instance) justified their choices and how the producers explained the pressures they were under.

Even as someone who cannot really handle slasher flicks, this documentary made me a fan of the Friday the 13th movies, which is pretty neat, so if you're a fan, you'll probably get even more out of it.

I love the bits where they talk to Kane Hodder and Derek Mears, who both clearly love the role so much.

To be honest, this documentary kind of makes me want a movie where Kane Hodder's Jason fights Derek Mears' Jason, which I'm not sure how that would work, but it'd be awesome.

Maybe Kane's Jason would be the "real" Jason and Derek's Jason would be an actor playing Jason in a biopic or a documentary or something? That could be so awesome!

So yeah, if you like these movies (or even if you just like documentaries and/or spoops) definitely give Crystal Lake Memories a go - you'll learn a lot, laugh a lot, and you'll get the inside scoop on everything Voorhees!

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Friday, August 9, 2019

Filmic Friday 232: Strays 1991

Strays; MCA Television Entertainment; 1991

I love cats and suck at watching horror movies, so you might expect that the 1991 horror flick Strays would be a bridge too far for me.


And yet...

This movie is awesome. It's stupid, it's hokey, it's silly, and it's hilariously bad. I cannot even begin to describe how great this movie was!

Although this cover does a pretty good job of getting the greatness across...

Strays is the story of a family - I'll call them the McStupids because they're about as dumb as people can be - moving into a huge farmhouse that's way too big for the three of them and their dog. Mr McStupid is played by Timothy Busfield, Mrs McStupid is played by Kathleen Quinlan, and Little Ms McStupid is played twins Heather and Jessica Lilly. I feel bad for the child actors because they're doing their best but it looks like they're constantly being overwhelmed by the amount of things they're being asked to do.

Then there's sex-obsessed Sister Claire, played by Claudia Christian, who is Mrs McStupid's sister and also the realtor for the cat house. Rather than the cathouse, which is something completely unrelated. I like the actress but this role is garbage. She's going through a rough divorce and has her brother-in-law (Mr McStupid) as her lawyer, because apparently there were no such things as "ethics" in 1991.

Regardless, the family moves into a house where we've already seen an old lady get mauled by kitties, despite being kind to them. It's just as silly as it sounds, but it made me think we'd be getting a house-sized cat at some point. Spoilers, there's no Catzilla.

Here we see the McStupids adopting a random kitten they find in their attic,
despite Mr. McStupid being horribly allergic. What a great family.

So the McStupids move in with their dog and slowly begin to adjust to life in the middle of freakin' nowhere when the cats attack their dog. Don't worry, the pooch survives because they aren't completely garbage pet owners and have the vet keep the dog with him while he recovers. After all, they don't know about the cat problem yet.

Mr McStupid does try his best to do right by his dog, though.

It takes the movie a long time and some very boring plot twists involving Claire and the Mr, but when we get the bad, bad kitty in charge, it's so worth it!

He's like Salem's grumpy brother! Look how cute!

This thing goes full Facehugger on everyone it attacks. It's hilarious. The moment the cats take over, the movie truly transcends!

She can't find the kid, so she's throwing cats around until she can find her!

The Evil Gray Cat does its best to kill Mr McStupid, Mrs McStupid, and even Little Ms McStupid, but it only succeeds in killing: the old lady at the beginning (implied), the phone man (who they don't find until the end), and Claire. Poor Claire. She gets an epic death, at least.


And don't even get me started on the microwave pink herring.
It's pink, because it does pay off, just not quite the way we wanted :P

The last ten or fifteen minutes of the movie are the McStupids running, hiding, and throwing around cat puppets, and it's glorious.


I can't tell if she's getting her jugular ripped out or singing a power ballad about how the cat is the love of her life...

If you're looking for what may be the best made-for-tv horror movie of the 1990s, give Strays a watch. You will not regret it!

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Friday, June 28, 2019

Filmic Friday 226: Night Beast

I don't watch much horror, I'll be honest, but when I do... I tend towards rubber monsters more than jump scares or zombies (I really, really hate zombies) or slashers. I'm pretty sensitive to realistic gore, messy dismemberment, and insides becoming outsides.

Yet Night Beast, a Don Dohler movie from the 1980s filmed in (and using a cast of locals from) Maryland, was... pretty fun!

Oh, don't worry. They show the monster in the first ten minutes. I'm spoiling absolutely nothing.
A few points of note: This movie is one of JJ Abrams' first films (yes, that JJ Abrams), almost nobody on the cast was a legit actor (they're pretty much all locals, and it shows), and I'm 99% sure that the guys who did the miniatures for this movie were actually amazing. Seriously, the opening stop-motion was incredible.

And then the weird alien appears and ruins all of their hard work.

So the eponymous Night Beast (despite often appearing during the day...) is hungry after crashlanding in the middle of nowhere, so he decides to go on a killing spree. Our theory is that he uses his instant-disintegration ray by accident more than as a means to evaporate people. The theory is that the blaster is actually what amounts to a space microwave, but he's got it set too high for humans, so he keeps shooting everything in order to recalibrate it. That would explain why, after vaporizing a guy peeing in the woods and his two kids (yeah, it goes there), it ends up tearing people apart with its bare hands for the most part. It got bored fiddling with controls.

Our heroes consist of a kinda skeevy sheriff, his "hot" deputy, a dweeb with a crush on the local gangster's girlfriend, a geriatric doctor, her seemingly doofy assistant (who turns out to be the MVP), and the idiot mayor and his alcoholic assistant/girlfriend, and a man who wants his whiskey dangit. Three of these guys survive. You're probably not going to guess which three. It's stupid.

Yes, they get naked.
No, the image will never, ever leave you.
No matter how nice the boobs are in this movie (and there are nice ones), it doesn't make up for the men.
Yikes.
This movie is in love with its monster. Every chance they have to show the... adequate monster suit, they take, even when it's not a flattering shot or when the story has no reason for the Night Beast to appear.

This is the worst shot.
It's like they had sixty different partial dentures and crammed them in one mouth.
Also, he's suspiciously uniform in coloration...

I was shocked to see this shirt on Google.
I don't know why I was shocked, really.
There are shirts for everything, and this movie did just get a Vinegar Syndrome BluRay release...
I kinda feel like the movie owes us all an apology for the faces we're put through. These are some of the homeliest people I've seen since Howling VII: New Moon Rising - another movie which utilized the locals as inexpensive actors.

That being said, Mary Jane the alcoholic girlfriend was a fairly decent actress, all things considered.
And she was one of the few genuinely attractive human beings in this movie!
And yes, it's implied strongly that she's boinking the moron next to her.
She could do so much better...
One of the calling cards for sci-fi/horror crossovers is that they tend to have fantastic special effects. Night Beast, however, is more in line with Laserblast than with The Fly...

This is the effect.
Aside from some cool stop motion in the beginning, this is it.
When he shoots people, they turn red and vanish, leaving a smear of ash in the shape of a person.
Cool in theory. Dumb in practice.
The last thing I'd like to mention is the shoehorned subplot about Drago, the eeeeeeeevil biker. This Nick Offerman lookalike causes a lot of trouble, but he's mostly just a doofus. I mean, he sucks, don't get me wrong. He's abusive, stupid, drunk, and can't ride a motorcycle to save his life. He even strangles his ex-girlfriend to death just to be a jerk. He's also 100% pointless.

He's got to be a holdover from an even dumber script for a Lifetime-style movie... right?

Seriously, he looks like a slimy Nick Offerman...
But yes, this gradual skid over the center line into the path of an oncoming VW Bug of a movie is a great watch with the right group of friends. If you can get yourself a copy (especially the shockingly well-put-together Vinegar Syndrome copy), then I strongly suggest gathering your comrades, ordering some pizza (though maybe without sausage... you may understand if you watch it), and give it a watch!

If this squeamish dork can watch this movie, you probably can, too. There's a pretty bad special effect near the end involving a guy who was electrocuted with 30000 volts, but I found it more comedic than scary.

I mean, they left the eyeballs in...

Regardless, it's a good time, eminently riffable, and it serves as an excellent tour guide to Maryland...

Go Enjoy Something!
FC