G - Game Types Ahoy!

So, at some point, I figured I'd have to explain the different types of games – after all, what if someone stumbled in here without the foggiest notion of what terms like “FPS,” “RPG,” or “Match-Three” meant? Therefore, I am using this post to give an overview of what game-types are what.

Bomb – If you see a game with this tag on it, you can bet that you'll be blowing stuff up. Simple enough, eh?

Bullet Hell – Have you ever played a game where the screen was suddenly 90% projectiles and foes, all screaming towards your ship or character with murderous intent? If so, you've likely played a BULLET HELL SHMUP. I will explain SHMUPS later.

CCG – I hate CCGs. More often than not, these “Collectible Card Games” are just a way for the developers to take your money for nothing but some (usually pretty nice) pixels on the screen, which everyone else who paid a premium for these has also received, making your lv 12 Ultra-Rare Pegasus Knight just about as rare as a Zubat in a cave...

Cell – We're not talking about the Stephen King book here. CELL games are usually based on the life cycle of cellular structures. You are a cell. Swim around, eat things, grow, divide, don't die. That's usually it. These games can get pretty neat, though, and many also fall under the UPGRADE category as well.

Flight – Does what it says on the tin. FLIGHT games are usually something like a flight simulator, or else you're really playing a LAUNCH game with a distance goal.

FPS – Call of Duty. No, seriously – any game in the first-person perspective which has you running around and shooting things (usually brown people or aliens) is a FPS, or First-Person Shooter.

Hybrid Input – HYBRID INPUT games use both mouse and keyboard controlls.

Idle – IDLE games are great for those times when you don't really want to devote a ton of attention to a game. IDLE games play themselves, for the most part, with you only clicking a few boxes now and then to take care of your character, tree, or other goal/McGuffin. These games can get tedious after a few hours, but they're fun for the most part.

Keyboard Only – Okay, I'm cheating here and a little further down, since this and MOUSE ONLY are actually input options. There are games which can only be controlled via keyboard. These are some of those.

Launch – Ah, LAUNCH games. Press a button, hold a key, or do something else the game asks you to do to send your character careening across the screen for massive distance, damage, or other delights. I love LAUNCH titles. They can be great stress relievers.

Match-Three – Ever played Bejeweled? That's a MATCH-THREE. For those who missed the 00s, a MATCH-THREE is a game requiring you to make rows/groups of three similar items or tiles vanish. Usually, these tiles are gemstones. These games come Timed and Untimed, but it's surprisingly unlikely that any two will be exactly identical.

Metroidvania – A mashup of the titles of both Metroid and Castlevania, METROIDVANIA games evoke the devilish difficulty of both of these sainted games. METROIDVANIA games are not at all for the faint of heart or slow of reflex.

MMO – ChaosD1 would do a better job of explaining an MMO than I would, I'm sure, but to put it simply, the term MMO just means “Massively Multiplayer Online”. World of Warcraft and Elder Scrolls Online are MMOs.

Mouse Only – Here's my other cheat. MOUSE ONLY games can only be played with a mouse or touch pad, stick, etc. Basically, they're not KEYBOARD ONLY or HYBRID INPUT games.

One-Button – Another easy one: ONE-BUTTON games only use, you guessed it, one button to play. Sounds boring, no? It isn't always the case.

Physics – Ah, PHYSICS games. Most LAUNCH games are also PHYSICS games, at their core, but not all PHYSICS game are launch games. PHYSICS games use the laws of physics to guide gameplay, such as gravity, friction, and inertia.

Pixel – The Retro-styling of PIXEL games makes them look like exceptionally high-quality NES (Nintendo), SNES (Super Nintendo), or Sega Genesis games from the 90s. These games come in all genre – Roleplaying Adventures, Shooters, etc. Some are even horror stories in game form.

Platformer – Super Mario Bros, Donkey Kong, and Sonic the Hedgehog were all PLATFORMERS. In these games, your accuracy and reflexes mean the difference between life and death. That jump can kill you!

Puzzle – Do you like solving jigsaws? Have a knack for Sudoku? Then you might like PUZZLE games, which pit your brain against whatever the developers can think of.

Racing – Not all RACING games are created equal. On the one hand, you have Twisted Metal and the really sweet-looking RACING games that come with XBOX or whatever. On the other hand... BIG F'N RIGS! (<insert Cinemassacre video>). Basically, these are games in which you race. Sometimes, they don't work, sometimes they're beautiful and really fun.

Ragdoll – There's a saying: “Some people are like Slinkies. They aren't useful for anything, they're usually tangled up, and they just sit there all the time, but it's fun as hell to watch them fall down the stairs.” With RAGDOLL games, you can do just that. Throw grandma from a train! Drop a stick person down into a pit of spikes! Satisfy your sadistic streak in a safe, sane, and consensual manner (and most won't even charge you!). The RAGDOLL game is one of throwing things around until they don't work anymore. Yes, Goat Simulator 2014 is technically a RAGDOLL.

Roguelike – Way back when (I guess), a game came out called Rogue, which had players dying many, many times. Dying is encouraged in a ROGUELIKE game, even necessary in some! If you don't do well with video games and you don't mind dying often, ROGUELIKE games may be for you.

RPG (ARPG; JRPG/KRPG) – RPGs, or Role-Playing Games, come in as many shapes and flavors as ice cream. I will tell you about three here. The Standard RPG is like Legend of Zelda – you have a quest, you are a character, you do the quest as the character. ARPGs are Action RPGs, which usually involve a faster pace and more mechanical parts than a normal RPG. JRPGs are Japanese RPGs; there are also Korean RPGs, or KRPGs. JRPGs and KRPGs are made in Japan or Korea, and both have their own styles and methods of storytelling which are unique and distinct from each other and other RPGs. If you like questing with your sword and spellbook, RPGs are the way to go.

RTS – I hate RTS games. I'm not good at strategy, and that's what these games are all about. Not your father's strategy game, RTS games are Real-Time Strategy games. RTS games are usually war simulations.

Runner – See Spot. See Spot Run. Run, Spot, Run! RUNNERS are games which are played by having a character run from one point to another (hence the name). There's not a lot more to add here, so...

Sandbox – A SANDBOX game has a very open feel to it. You can run around wherever you want, whenever you want, and you experience the game at your own pace. Usually, SANDBOX games are also open-world (you can explore the whole map at once), but not always.

Seek-and-Find – These games are something like a game of Hide and Seek, but on your computer. You hunt around in digital environments of pretty much any kind and try to find items on a list. So... I-Spy for PC, but with better graphics and more variety.

Shmup – The SHMUP (short for “Shoot 'em Up”) is a game based on accuracy, speed, and usually foul language and Mountain Dew.

Sim – If you have never played “The SIMS”, it's a great game where you are God. You make families or individuals, you build their home, you run their lives. This is only one version of the SIM genre (which is short for Simulation). If it is a game where you become a train engineer or a pilot with a first-person option? SIM. If you're building a society? SIM. If you're learning to cook with a mouse and keyboard? SIM. I love me some SIMS.

Strategy – I am abysmal at STRATEGY games. RISK, Othello, Chess – these are all STRATEGY Games, which include the subgenre of RTS (Real-Time STRATEGY) games. RTS titles have you make all your important, game-breaking decisions as though you were present on the battlefield. I hate STRATEGY games. This is only because I am so bad.

Time Management – Most of the time, if you're running a store in a game, it's a Sim, but some Sims are also TIME MANAGEMENT games. In these games, you have to budget not only your cash, but your time as well. As someone who is often late to things (important things), I find TIME MANAGEMENT titles can actually improve your punctuality and your ability to juggle things like blogging, listening to podcasts, and doing homework. Okay, it never really worked for me, but I can dream, right?

Tower Defense – Another set of games I don't enjoy playing but can see the fun in are TOWER DEFENSE titles. In these games, you have weapons or characters or whatever that you place on the screen near some mode of conveyance (usually roads or rivers). Once everything is in place, enemies wail on you until either you or they are dead. These games can be either very fun or horribly frustrating, and no two are identical. Just your luck.

Turn-Based – Alright, I'll admit that this is really just an add-on to other genre. TURN-BASED games are exactly what they sound like, games based around a turn system, where you make your moves or decisions, then the computer or your opponent do what they're going to do until the game concludes. RPGs often use TURN-BASED systems for combat or conversation. Chances are, if you've played many games, you'll have played at least one TURN-BASED one.

Unity – Boy, I'm just a cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater, aren't I? The UNITY game is a game designed specifically for the UNITY player. There are Flash games, which actually most are (since Flash is used for most things on the interwebs), but UNITY games can be used (I think) more easily on Macs, which is a boon to Mac-toting gamers (how do you left-click on a Mac if that's your attack?!). That being said, I've noticed that most UNITY games are also 3D or polygonal (think the Nintendo 64 bit system, if you can). I really have only a very limited understanding of this group, so I'm honestly not sure why it's here. Probably so the entry looks more impressive than it is.

Upgrades – These games are fun, quirky little things. UPGRADE games require you to run through courses or something like that in order to earn currency and purchase, you guessed it, upgrades. There's even an entire series dedicated to the UPGRADE genre, and I highly recommend it. There's something highly rewarding and distinctly completionist about filling in all those stars or dots or what have you.

Virus – These games are unique. Each one is about spread-patterns, be they of paint, blood, or bio-terroristic organisms (such as Zombie Viruses!). I love VIRUS games, especially the “Pandemic” series. Go forth, my readers, and infect the world with your upgraded diseases and agents. Spread the fun (and plague).

So, that concludes this over-lengthy list of different game types. If you feel I've missed one, or if there's a term you don't recognize, feel free to let me know in the comments. A list of games of each type is to follow, once I compile and figure out the links.

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

G - The Enchanted Cave

G – THE ENCHANTED CAVE

Back in my early days on Deadwhale and Kongregate, I found this game in their RPG/Adventure sections. I almost passed over it, too. I didn't know what I was looking at, being unused to terms like “Rogue-Like”, and the idea of learning a new play-style just for a game I was sure I'd play for 40 minutes while waiting for my shift babysitting the university computer room to end and then forget about forever. I clicked the link and a hideous dark olive-drab colored screen popped up with an adorable little pixel-knight hacking away at an adorable little red pixel-slime to distract from the loading bar. I haven't stopped playing it since, much like Bunni.

One final note – I'm not really happy with how my graded reviews came out, so I'm just not gonna grade this one. Besides: I already gave it a score on Kongregate. See if you can guess by the end how many stars this puppy got.

TITLE: The Enchanted Cave

DEVELOPERS: Dustin Auxier (with music by Alonso Rojas), sponsored by Bored.com

LOCATIONS: Kongregate, Deadwhale, Bored.com, Android, and iOS

DESCRIPTIONS: Dungeon, RPG, Adventure, Fantasy, Rogue-Like

INTERFACE: Keyboard (arrow keys only), mouse (click and drag items)

STORY:

There's not really a story in this game. You are a tiny blue-suited man with a sword. There is a 100 floor dungeon ahead of you and you cannot go backwards. Go forth and slay everything with your trusty blade. There is a twist, however, at the end. I refuse to spoil this for anyone who wants to play it. Just know that when I got to the end and faced the final boss, there was a sudden moment of Dungeon Master's jealousy. I wish I had thought of this idea in some of the games I've run.

ART:

This game was entirely created by one man: Dustin Auxier. I don't know this man. I have only ever seen him in his Kickstarter video for the sequel (funded!). All I know about him is that he is a pixel-art genius. This game has some of the nicest simple pixel-art I've ever seen, and to know that one person apparently did all of the hard work to make this game blows my mind. I've seen games created by professional game companies that looked much, much worse. The backgrounds are usually believable shades of earth tones or aqua-gray that give a sense of depth to the randomly-selected dungeon floors, the enemies look different from one another with only a couple of pallet-swaps (skeletons and bloody bones, wizards and druids, zombies and rotting corpses, etc).

Every single item looks like what it is. The gauntlets look like gauntlets, the boots are boots, and the necklaces look like pendants on chains. I especially appreciate the time it must have taken to make the Eyes (special items acquired throughout the game) each look different. All in all, I love the art and think that Mr. Auxier did a fan-freaking-tastic job.

MUSIC:

I don't know who Alonso Rojas is, really. I can't find much about him, so unless he's a DJ or a football player, I don't know who he is. All I can tell you is this: he's talented. Like whoa. From the first keened notes of what sounds like a synthesized oboe and clarinets backed by an electric orchestra, you can feel the adventure and mystery in the soundtrack for this game (downloadable at http://dustinauxier.com/download-music). It's simple, enjoyable, and it doesn't get too grating when it loops. It's just long enough that every loop doesn't sink into the last as it plays over and over. And every piece will replay. A lot. There are only a few tracks – the one for outside the cave, the one for the shops, and one every couple dozen levels (floors 40+ remind me of the first Star Trek episode with Khan). Whenever the background changes, the music changes, and the last level has its own theme, if I remember correctly. Also: Dig the shit outta his use of creative percussion.

GAMEPLAY:

You move by pressing the arrow keys (or WASD), and you equip, sell, or use items and spells by clicking and dragging items around. This can be annoying on a touchpad. Enemies are fought by running into them, which engages your character in inescapable combat. Make sure to use potions and healing spells, which are found in chests. Potions and Ether can be purchased every ten levels in the stores, which also sell weapons, armor, and other equipment. You can sell things you've found there, too.

Regular items and spells are found in red chests, gold is found in sacks, and golden chests contain relics or legendary items which are more powerful than other items. Escape Wings, which act like an Escape Rope in Pokémon, are also found in red chests, but only after level 5. Occasionally, instead of a bag of coins or a chest of either color, a gem will appear. These gems will permanently raise the stats of your character – red for health, orange for attack, dark blue for defense, light blue for intellect, and white for agility (I'm not sure about the last two, I may have that reversed).

That's about all there is to gameplay, really. Simple, simple game.

DIFFICULTY:

Nonexistant. The trick is paying attention to your HP as you ram full-speed into enemies and auto-combat them. There are health and mana potions to buy or find, and as soon as you beat the game once, it becomes ridiculously easy. You can one-hit-kill most enemies up until about the 70^th floor, and then you run a real risk of dying in floors 80+.

LENGTH:

Depending on your luck and dedication, this may not be a very long game for you. There are 100 randomly selected floors, each stocked with random monsters, chests, and coin bags in specific places. Sometimes it takes longer because there are more of a specific type of enemy or you're just having bad items come out of the chests. That being said, you still have to walk through 100 different dungeons before the end (well, 89 or so when you subtract the stores). It can take anywhere from 1 hour to 100 hours to complete this game.

REPLAYABILITY:

Super-high. As you delve into levels again and again, the game gives you different items. You keep your relics – high-powered weapons and items that are only found in golden chests – every time you use the “Escape Wings” to leave the dungeon. All non-relics are lost forever. Some goals for after you've beaten the 100^th floor, is to have all the achievements (viewable in the title screen by clicking on the chalice on the rocks), all of the gold-chest items, and to be able to take down the final boss in a single hit. I have only achieved one of these goals. I'm working on the last two.

SEQUEL!

There is a sequel in the works for The Enchanted Cave, and it's something special. Instead of just being a 100 floor dungeon that you just sort of appear in, there's an actual story, there's a town, and there's a crafting system! Just as exciting as the obvious and amazing leap in Mr. Auxier's spriting (or pixel art) skills is the news regarding a new composer. As amazing as Alonso Rojas is, the idea that Grant Kirkhope (BAFTA nominated composer of Perfect Dark, Goldeneye, and Donkey Kong 64, among many others) will be composing the music sends me into swirls of joy and aural ecstasy. Seriously – This guy is freaking amazing, and the idea that I'll be getting the album (I was a backer on the Kickstarter), is exciting. Auxier himself has a blog at http://dustinauxier.com/

I can't wait to see what else this awesome fellow comes up with.

That's all I have to say on this matter, so go enjoy something!

– FC

The Enchanted Cave is (c) Dustin Auxier. Play it here: http://www.kongregate.com/games/DustinAux/the-enchanted-cave

Seriously!

W - Wrestlemania 30! (SPOILERS)

WRESTLEMANIA 30 SPOILERS:

I know, you're expecting a game review, but this is important to me. If you're not into pro-wrestling, wait for my upcoming Enchanted Cave review. Also: TONS of F-bombs here. Enjoy?

***

I got so freaking sick of the storyline leading to the HHH vs Bryan match that I was utterly cynical about the whole Mania, leading to much amusement from the Thai-Bringer. I am pleased to announce that the cynicism appears to have been largely unfounded.

The opening notes of the Mania, despite being tainted by more shitty Kid Rock music, were amazing. Hulk Hogan coming out to some interest, his lemon yellow and wild-cherry red boa concealing his sagging, sun-afflicted skin was... uninspiring, really, but then a miracle: shattering glass and crunchy guitars - The Texas Rattlesnake himself! STONE COLD! MA GAWD! And then!!! FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK! I was well pleased.

While I was surprised by the Streak breaking, it seemed to break the Thai-Bringer's brain - he had a "does not compute" look on his face for a good 20 seconds. Still, it's truly the end of an era - Paul Bearer is gone, Kane is unmasked, and Undertaker is no longer undefeated. It was an amazing moment to be a part of. The match itself? Kinda... bad, really. I am anything but a Lesnar fan, so... watching him land so many weird-looking (read “visibly botched, even to an amateur viewer like me”) suplexes on Undertaker's hip and side, which I know are fucked beyond belief, was not fun. At all. Taker was surprisingly good, considering that he debuted around the time I was born. Christ. What a career!

As for the rest of the card? The Andre Invitational had to end with a Giant vs Giant-Killer finish. The Divas match was... really hard to watch. I despise the fake-looking belt, the boring, poorly-trained "Divas" (with notable exceptions being Natalya, Emma, and of course, the incomparable AJ Lee), and the fact that there aren't enough real challengers to Lee or Natalya or Emma to make any match really tough to call/enjoyable to watch. Can we please get Aksana out of the damn ring before she causes a fatality?

Divas rant concluded, I still think that the Kofi spot was one of my favorite moments of the Andre Invitational. And that the Slam City Promo is one of my favorite things ever (Hacksaw vs Slaughter, Steamboat, and the Million Dollar Man himself!).

Cena vs Wyatt kept me guessing. Cena had energy, which was a shock to someone like me, who has only seen Captain Thuganomics in gassy, chest-heaving "action" (with few exceptions). Tonight, he was on fire. Not literally, that would have ended the match much earlier. Instead, he and Bray Wyatt had an absolutely riveting match that I think will stick in my mind. I never, ever thought I could say that about a match featuring John Cena.

HHH vs Bryan - oh my fuck. I was half-convinced that HHH would make WM 30 his comeback. He'd fuck Bryan out of the belt and the headlines tomorrow would read "75'000 Indicted on Murder Charge as Wrestlemania Crowd Storms Ring in Protest". Instead, we got a match where Bryan carries an exhausted HHH to a finish that is quickly muddled with bitchy, whiny HHH and screechy, whiny Steph (both of whom I despise as characters, as I'm supposed to, but it's still “Shut Up and Go Home” Heat, as the Thai-Bringer would say) attacking Bryan. Fuck you guys, you've already done this and it was stupid and predictable on RAW. At Wrestlemania, it just makes me question whether you have a fucking death wish.

(EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to mention the triumphant return of Bootleg Conan HHH!  Holy fuck was I shocked to see that elaborate throne, complete with scantily clad women and skull-crown!  I was simultaneously awed and appalled by this - it seemed to me to be a harbinger of HHH's return to the ring.  Never have I been happier to be wrong.  Now, if only he came out to belly-dancers and pyro every time he got up to make a speech on RAW...)

The main event had me gritting my teeth long before I even knew I'd be watching Wrestlemania. I don't care about Batista. He is, in my opinion, an unenjoyable performer. Outside the ring? Oh, I love him. He's hilarious, and he was made to be a Heel. Orton is a wrestler I have issues with. He's often put up against people who can't or won't work with him, he's made to seem weak or cowardly at every opportunity, spending much of this year's storyline basically being HHH's pet. Also, I hate that he continues the horrific trend of NOT WEARING PANTS. Put some pants on, wrestlers. You look like morons in your undies. Yes, even you, Daniel Bryan. Even you.

My fuck, the sheer volume and energy of the crowd for everything relating to Daniel Bryan carried much of that main event. As I've said, I don't like Batista as a wrestler at all, and when he's “working” with Orton? Snore. Adding in Daniel Bryan was the only way WWE could have saved that match from becoming a piss-break match. When the GOAT (one of Bryan's nicknames) came into the ring, still exhausted and injured from his bout with HHH, I could tell the match would be bloody. And it was. By accident.

I'm just gonna say this: Monitors, guys. Fucking monitors. Ouch.

So, I'm gonna say that the end, with Daniel Bryan finally coming out on top, victorious and beaming and overcome with emotion while the air fills with confetti and smoke and pyro and the deafening “YES! YES! YES!” of 75'000+ people in the New Orleans Superdome? That's gonna stay with me forever.

YES! YES! YES! YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES! YES! YES! YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!  YES!

G - Escape #4: The Bathroom

G – Escape #4: The Bathroom

Hello again, and welcome to this speedy mini-update on Filthy Casual Reviews.

I'm not actually going to rate this game, just because it would be unfair. The reason: it only took me a little over five minutes to beat. This game is Escape #4: The Bathroom by Afro-Ninja. I only just recently went back to it because of the Thai-Bringer, so I now have seen the movie prequel. That's right, this game has a prequel movie. Made by the game developers. Enjoy.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/495054

As for the gameplay itself, it's a point-and-click game. You wake up trapped in a bathroom, and you have to get out past freaking lasers. Seriously, whoever has been trapping you in places needs a new hobby. Who the hell puts deathbeams across a bathroom doorway just to keep some schmuck inside? What did we do? Who did we piss off that we deserved laser-potty?!

The flash-animated graphics are simple, and most of the things you have to find are pretty intuitive. I won't spoil anything for you, and if you get stuck, they have a walk-through link at the bottom right-hand corner of the game. The music is pretty good on the lead-in and lead-out, but the actual sound design in-game are... sparse to say the least. You get the sound of a ticking clock to be your constant companion, though everything you do does make some noise if it would in the real world – like, say, using a tool on metal.

I've got to give this game props. It's apparently from Newgrounds, but it has the actual people's names who worked on it. I will put those down at the bottom of this post, since I feel it's just as important to tell you guys who worked on these games as it is to tell you about the games themselves.

As the title suggests, Escape #4: The Bathroom, is part of a series. A series that I have not, as of writing this blog, played through. I will probably go back and play the rest of the Escape series just to see what inventive ways Afro Ninja came up with to trap the player in some odd location and what tools they give you to come out with. Also, any game creator who is willing to make a movie of themselves going through the plot of their games is awesome in my book.

I'm gonna wrap this up by telling you where to find this game. I never really go on Newgrounds, just because I use www.deadwhale.com and www.kongregate.com so often, but I'm sure it's still on there, too. Just type in “Escape the Bathroom” on a free gaming site, and you're likely to find it. Or on the Afro Ninja site.

Credits for Escape #4: The Bathroom:

Concept, art, and programming by Shawn Tanner (Afro Ninja)

Sound effects from sounddogs.com

Testing: Jason, Emily

C 2008 Afro Ninja Productions

www.afro-ninja.com

'Afro-Ninja' End theme by Josh Kemp of KTRecords

That's all from me. This is the Filthy Casual signing off to go nurse this head-cold I've caught.

Go Enjoy Something!

G – Castaway

G – Castaway

Hello all, and welcome again to Filthy Casual Reviews! Sorry for how long it's taken to update this, but the completist in me desperately wanted to beat Castaway before I wrote about it. This... did not go well. You see, I have the attention span and patience of a deficient gnat, and I get frustrated very easily. For now, here is the review.

Castaway appeared on the front page of Kongregate.com around the time I joined (I think). I saw the tags “RPG” and “Pet” and thought “Well, you only live once”. I clicked, and despite my many, many, MANY rage-quits, I still love this game.

Title: Castaway

Developers: Likwid Games, Armor Games (I'd do a more in-depth credit, but until I beat the game, I don't see any way of actually finding this stuff out...)

Gameplay Styles: role-playing, pet combat, auto-combat, traditional rpg

Location: www.armorgames.com; www.kongregate.com; www.likwidgames.com; www.deadwhale.com

Interface: arrow keys and mouse.

Art:

Castaway has a 16-bit style with lots of color and amazing scenery. Whoever did the spriting on the environments and people is amazing, and I want to commend them on their wonderful, rich colors and textures. Enemies seem to come in relatively few shapes – beetles, snakes, and scorpions in the first two or three zones – and have different colors to denote their different attacks. Your character actually wears his armor and wields his weapon, and the pet you start with is a great design on its own. Who'd have thought I'd get so attached to a green egg with one eye, a horn, legs and bat-wings that I'd quit and restart several times just so that he wouldn't die?

The town, which you come to very early on, is a completely separate area from the combat zones you enter for quests. When you talk to people, you are shown portraits, which are quite well done and colorful. In a way, the style reminds me of One Piece, the pirate manga, but I don't believe the two are in any way connected.

The map appears in two forms – full-page as you choose which zone you want to enter, and up in the corner for the zone you've chosen. The onscreen map as you wander the zones can be a little hard to read, but they're super useful when you're grinding, as your enemies show up on it in relation to you.

As a final note, there's also a character portrait attached to your health-bar which shows you how much damage you've taken. As your character gets hit, he gets scuffed and bloodied, which promotes a sense of concern for your poor battered hero.

4 out of 5 Heart Containers.

Story:

You wake up on a deserted island. You remember nothing. You know nothing. A green egg-monster is following you with rabid devotion. A local village takes you in and sends you on quests.

It's a very simple, linear story. I'm in the third zone, and I haven't encountered any plot twists yet, so there's that to consider. I can't say I'm blown over by the storytelling so far, as most of it has been either in the tutorial at the beginning or in the quest text in town, and none of it seems... plotted, exactly. I'm sure that when I finally get to the point where I don't freak out over my pet (I named him Maurice!) dying, I'll become more invested in the storyline.

So far, I can only give the story 3 out of 5 Heart Containers

Characters:

This part is a little difficult for me to cover. Where I am in the game, I have only met Malaki, the Village Elder, and all I know about him is that he looks like a clean, striped-shirted pirate with a deep tan and a big grin. The only characters I'm really familiar with are the main character and his first pet.

I have a tradition of naming the blond protagonist of this game Adam when I start out. Why? Because that's the first name I thought of. Besides, it goes well with Maurice, which is what I always name the pet. Adam has no memories, so he's a cipher. He also doesn't really talk much except at the beginning of the game where he wonders why he's on this beautiful island and why the green egg-creature is stalking him. He's basically your standard blue-eyed, blond-haired protagonist, and with the exceptions of what you put into him as a player, he's basically Blandsville.

The first pet you get in this game is cool enough that I consider him a character in his own right. I've mentioned many times already that he basically looks like if you stuck lizard legs and bat wings onto a green, scaly egg and then stuck an eye in the middle of its face, but it bears repeating. Also, he follows you around and aggressively attacks any monsters you click on or which aggro. Be very, very careful with your first pet. He is literally irreplaceable. There are no second chances with him. If he dies, he's dead forever. Snakes, beetles, and scorpions can be rehatched time and again, but there's only ever one Maurice. And I love him.

For the lack of characters in the early portion of the game and the limited characterization, I can only give Castaway 2 out of 5 Heart Containers.

Sound Design:

At first, the theme for Castaway seems promising – a vigorous yet innocent and charming piece dominated by what sounds like bassoon, violin, and piccolo. Then you realize that that's the only song outside the village. And it loops. Forever. After a while, the tune ceases to be wondrous and fun and becomes piercing and shrill.

The village theme is also repetitious as heck, but it's so listenable! It's like the pause theme from Battletoads (if you've seen that episode of the Angry Videogame Nerd), in that it gets caught in your head forever once you hear it, but you don't mind because it's awesome. It's an industrial-sounding piece made up of banging metal, clinking wood, and great rhythms. I could honestly listen to it for hours.

The battle sounds are also interesting to listen to. Every hit makes a sound, even if it's just the air whiffing by as you miss your opponent or they miss you. Unfortunately, those sounds are almost all alike – hitting a snake with a stick sounds the same as hitting it with a sword, and there's no difference between that and the enemy attacking you. Shield-bashing makes its own thumping sound, and elemental attacks do make their own noises, I believe.

On the whole, I'd give the sound design for Castaway 3 out of 5 Heart Containers

Difficulty:

If, like me, you are a Casual who hates to lose or fail too often, this is not the game for you. Grinding can take hours upon hours of repetitive hacking and slashing through the same ten or so enemies in an area over and over again, and if you don't grind, you die and lose your pet. Poor Maurice... I don't want to lose him, so I just quit and restart from my last save point.

Saving is the single most annoying part of this game. You have to go back to the town to save. Until you can either afford, have been given, or have found a Castaway Feather (an item), you have to backtrack. In the first two zones, this isn't too much of a problem, especially since finishing the first few quests requires grinding really hard, so you'll probably be a few levels higher than everything. Then you hit the third zone, and you're screwed. You're utterly and completely boned. Everything you thought you knew is a lie, and those goddamn scorpions and Venom Snakes are right up your ass every time you try to get out. I lost both Maurice and Adam multiple times in one afternoon right on the verge of returning to save.

I have not completed the third zone. I don't know if I ever will. I don't know if I can. I'll try, though, so that keeps the difficulty level down.

Because I have such trouble beating the third zone, I'm giving this a cautious 3 out of 5 Heart Containers.

Replay Value:

I get so easily frustrated by this game, but I keep coming back, so that's something.

4 out of 5 Heart Containers.

Length:

I can't accurately judge this, since I started one of my first save files in 2012 and still haven't finished it.

The Pros:

• Mind-bogglingly beautiful spriting everywhere you look
• Colorful, soothing setting
• Badass village theme
• Maurice the Egg-Monster
• You can hatch your enemies' young and turn them into pets!
• It's the first in a great series of games

The Cons:

• So. Hard. To beat!
• Zone theme is grating on the ears (mute button is your friend)
• Grindy grindy grind-times.
• When Maurice dies, he's dead forever.
• You can only keep two or three pets at a time.
• It's very obviously the first game in a series (lower-quality graphics and gameplay)
• Inventory can feel... restrictive at times.

Overall Score:

Game Difficulty: Easy to learn, Hard to beat.

3 out of 5 Heart Containers total.

Final Comments:

I really wish I knew the names of the people who worked on this game. All of them deserve kudos and hugs. I know it seems like I was really harsh on the game in places, but I still adore the game. Castaway is a fun RPG. It is easy to learn, and for the first couple zones, it's pretty easy to master, but then you hit the wall of poison, and you just can't have enough healing items. I would still recommend this to any role-playing gamer out there who wants to spend some time on a tropical island for a while. Just... mute it after a while, I guess. That piccolo is damn shrill, and as someone who plays said instrument, I should know. My pinkies hurt just listening to the way whoever is playing it plays.

I guess that about wraps up this review. Next time, I've been ordered by the powers that buy me Thai food to review a game called “Escape from the Bathroom”.

Go enjoy something!

FC

G: Bunni: How We First Met

Hello again!

Today's review is of a game I stumbled over in the post Windows 7 haze of Sims failure. I desperately wanted to play a simulation game, but I was unable to afford the Sims, did not want to deal with babies, and was vastly annoyed at the “repair” of the Rosebud cheat.

>:( Do not touch Filthy Casual's cheats. FC loves her cheats. A lot. The Cheat will never die.

In my intense searching, I came across several entertaining simulators, most on Facebook, but on a lonely site called www.deadwhale.com I found this gem. Without further ado, I present to you:

Bunni: How We First Met

At first glance, Bunni seems to be a super-cartoony, Flash-animated girly-game, but it is actually one of the few strategy/sim-style games I love. It has the resource-gathering of an RTS game, but only two enemies (more on them later), and it's a very relaxing experience, overall.

Let's get down some vital statistics on this sweetheart.

Title: Bunni: How We First Met

Developers: Andre Spierings and Daniel Cook

Gameplay Style(s): world-builder, sandbox, RPG, tactical, resource-gathering, strategy

Location: www.deadwhale.com, www.kongregate.com, bunnibunni.com

Interface: mouse only

Art:

The art on this game is beautiful, colorful, and simple. I admire the simple block shapes, the soft swells of the islands against the sea, and how charming and child-like everything is. It's all broken down into simple geometry with a candy-colored palette, which works perfectly for the way the game is played and the way the story develops. When your character moves, the shadows and the smoothness of his hopping are neat, and you really feel like you're a rabbit on a low-gravity planet, trying to save the world with mines, lumber mills, and fruit trees.

When I first started playing this game, the computer I was using was... not in great shape. The cpu burned out at one point, the video card started glitching, and the touch-pad was broken, but it still ran Bunni like a champ. In short, this game will run on your computer if you can run flash. It's less complicated than an episode of Strongbad.

I give the whimsy and graphic design of this art a solid 4 out of 5 Heart Containers.

Story:

You're a white rabbit - all the rabbits are white, but you've got a crown! You wake up on a beach with a ghost teaching you how to save the islands. What happened here? Who is the blonde who keeps asking you to run errands for her, and how can you convince her to marry you? Can you save the Bunni Islands?

This is a simple story. You wake up, you do the quests, you build the world, you get the girl. However, you start with so many questions that it's a joy to run through the quests the first few times you play through to try and figure out all the subtle stories within the main storyline. While most of your quests will be for Coriander, the blond rabbit-girl, or Peach, the Pirate Princess, you'll occasionally run into ghosts who want your help. Some of the Islands can only be opened this way, but even when that isn't the offered reward, it's usually still worth your while to do these side quests.

For its utter simplicity and easy accessibility, I give the story of this game 3/5 Heart Containers.

Characters:

You play a nameless white rabbit in a crown. Nothing is known about your character. Nothing at all is revealed about him, either. He is a total cipher, which some may find appealing, but I find a little bland.

Next we have Coriander. Oh Coriander, you are the most stereotypical girlfriend character anyone could ask for. Sweet, demanding, and blonde, Coriander is... not my favorite archetype. She's necessary to move the game along but she is a much less interesting character than Peach.

Peach! I love Peach. Peach should be the girlfriend character. I would do anything that girl asked me because I'd know I'd have fun at the end of it. She sends you out to bribe monsters into obedience! My only caution about this character (and this game, in fact) is that Peach is... not for young children. She has a dance number near the end. It goes on for a while. She's in a sparkly bikini. Yeah. Kinda not for kids.

I especially love Pirate Pete, who pays you for goods you drag over to him, like trees, mines, or even Bunnies or Foxes (slave-trade, much?). The first time you click on Pete, he tells a “dritty” story, but that's the only typo I've found, and frankly, I find it hilarious.

For interesting character design and execution, though very generic, I give this game 3 Heart Containers and 2 Pieces of Heart out of 5.

Sound Design:

I love the sound design in this game. Holy moly. It's simple, sparse (at first), and it's almost zenlike. The background noise is literally just birds chirping until you start some bunnies or foxes or whatever working in the mills or mines. After the workers start doing their jobs, there are little chimes of sound when you collect stones or wood, hammering sounds, and sawing sounds. When you hop, there is a brushing sound, like something moving through grass; a louder and harsher version of this sound is used for when you shake a fruit tree. There are little noises when you select things from your inventory, and when you find something, there's an adorable horn cue.

Easily 4 Heart Containers out of 5.

Difficulty:

This game is super simple. It took me no time at all to figure out, and you're taught what to do and how in the first few minutes via text. The instructions are easy to understand, and its ease of play does not in the least impact how fun it is to play.

1 Heart Container out of 5.

Replay Value:

Bunni has a moderate replay value – you're only going to really see reward differences from the fruit tree drops, but darned if it isn't fun and relaxing to play over and over again!

3 out of 5 Heart Containers

Length:

Due to the random nature of drops, it can take you anywhere from 2 to 72 hours to complete this game as far as you can. As of this review, there seems to be a save-restore issue which prevents you from logging out and logging back in again, leaving one heart unavailable.

Because there is no way of knowing how long it will take, and because the game can't really be completed anymore, I have to give Bunni 2 Heart Containers and 2 Pieces of Heart out of 5.

The Pros:

• Tree Drops can give you literally anything in the game that isn't a scripted NPC, like a ghost or a named bunny.
• Fun and Relaxing.
• Simple and easy to follow storyline.
• Candy-sweet art style really appeals to me.

The Cons:

• Tree Drops are so random that it can be difficult to get what you need in a sea of things that you don't even want (like deer or monsters).
• Can get monotonous after a while.
• Maybe it's a little too simple. It lacks real complexity.
• Art may not appeal to everyone.

Overall Score:

Game Difficulty: Incredibly Easy.

3 out of 5 Heart Containers total.

Final Comments:

I love, love, love this game. I play it about once a month just to relax with, and it has proven to be a good source of stress relief. Despite the issues with saving, it's simple to restart a game and get pretty far a long most of the time. This was one of the first games I ever played on Deadwhale, so you have Bunni: How We First Met to thank for this blog in many ways.

In conclusion, I truly enjoyed playing this game, which led to me enjoying the writing part of the review.

This is the Filthy Casual signing off for now,

Go Enjoy Something!

Bunni: How We First Met was created by and is the property of Andre Spierings and Daniel Cook (to my knowledge). If I have neglected anyone in these credits, please let me know.

(Next Time on Filthy Casual Reviews: Castaway)

G - Introduction!

Hello, and welcome to Filthy Casual Reviews.

I'm the Filthy Casual, and these will be my thoughts on various games I've played. I will have a fairly biased approach, I warn you now. I want to enjoy these games. I only pick the ones I think I'll enjoy, usually from the internet's unceasing bounty. What follows is a simple Q & A designed to help you get to know what to expect around here.

Q: Who are you?

A: I'm the Filthy Casual, aka FC. I've been a casual gamer since 1^st or 2^nd grade, when I discovered the Oregon Trail. That leaves over a decade of gaming for me to go from Dying of Dysentery to trying to become the Very Best, to rebuilding the Lost Isles, to starting a zombie apocalypse, and much more (all of which I intend to talk about).

Q: Why this blog?

A: I like to play casual games. I like to tell people about casual games. A blog seemed to be the easiest way to get the information I have out to people who might want to know it. The games I play are usually pretty fun, not too difficult, and should have more recognition than they do; therefor I write about them.

Q: What is this blog really about?

A: This blog is all about me sharing the games I enjoy with others who may enjoy them. I want to let other casual gamers know that they're not alone – we casuals are numerous, and it isn't fair to us that we get stigmatized as lesser gamers just because we don't want the competition of an online FPS surrounded by shrieking middle-schoolers and off-duty grocery store managers. Besides, I'm already playing the games, I might as well write about them, too.

Q: Who is this blog for?

A: This blog is for Casual Gamers, Internet Gamers, Tabletop Gamers (oh yes, did I forget to mention my d20 obsession?), and People Who Like to Enjoy Things. This blog is probably not good for people under 16, since I do curse on occasion, and I will probably allude to things most parents do not find appropriate for their wee!ones. I will try to put a rating on my games to let people know when not to let their littler-ones read (if any ever try). Effectively, if you wouldn't want your kid to play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, don't let them read this blog unsupervised.

Q: Where are you getting these games?

A: The internet, besides being a magical wonderland of interconnecting tubes filled with cats and excitable pop-stars, is also home to a plethora of highly entertaining games. I find the games I play in many different places, so I'll be including a link to wherever the latest game I'm reviewing can be found within the post itself. Besides the wilds of internet-land, I also sometimes borrow games from my Source, who in turn purchases them for herself at various retail outlets. She has never stepped foot inside a GameStop, to my knowledge, but places that carry PC games will probably have what she buys for $5-$20. I will never, ever review a game with a monthly fee, Pay-to-Win, or a startup cost of over $20 at the time of my review. Not unless it is the mother of all games (man I miss Scorched Earth for Commodore 64).

Q: When can we, the readers, expect updates?

A: Well, the thing is, I've got to play the game (preferably as close to the whole game as is reasonable) before I can review it, so I'll update as I get material. The alternate answer (and a framed photo of a spoon¹ to the reader who gets this reference) is: Inna Minute, Bitsch.

I think that about wraps things up! This has been the Filthy Casual saying: Go Enjoy Something!

¹I'm just kidding, guys. I don't actually have any photographs of utensils lying around :/ -FC