Wednesdaymania 5: Warning – Somewhat graphic pic here.

Let me tell you about a wrestling company that’s existed for nearly half a century and has produced some of the best talent on earth. That’s right, guys, I’m talking about New Japan Pro-Wrestling!

Well, more specifically I want to talk about the show everyone’s been buzzing about fretfully (and rightfully so) since Saturday.

So first, we’ll talk about the elephant in the room. Wrestling is freaking dangerous. Every wrestling move has the potential to cause serious harm or death. People have died from taking flapjacks (a simple move where the person taking the move has to land on their front in kind of a belly-flop on the mat), and people have died from running into the ropes too hard. Conversely, people have survived ridiculous moves that look more at home in Cirque du Soleil (which also has an unfortunate record of falls and accidents leading to death, as any highly physical activity does).

The G1 Special in San Francisco (well, they say San Fran, but the Cow Palace is actually in Daly City, but close enough) had an amazing array of fantastic matches. The fact that my least favorite guy in New Japan, Taichi, was nowhere to be found, only added to the joy of the show. Which the show needed because there were two major injuries during it, one in the ring and one outside it.

Let me tell you about Hiromu Takahashi.

Besides having Daryl the cat, he also likes to lick everything and everyone.

This guy is a genius. There are no two ways to go about it, he’s a mad genius. He can pull off moves that never existed before he came up with them. He can pull off moves that people invented years ago but never perfected. He can wrestle on the mat. He can wrestle in the air.

Or he could.

See, during the G1 Special, he had a match with a fellow mad genius in the ring – Dragon Lee.

They’ve had amazing matches before, but on Saturday night, it was the fourth time that Lee had wrestled in two days. Which might explain why the Phoenix-Plex he put on Takahashi was so horrifically botched. The below picture is a bit graphic, so if you don’t want to see the moment Takahashi’s career probably ended, scroll fast or back out now.

He was slammed into this position.

I was horrified when I heard that he’d probably broken his neck. I was more horrified to see the move in action. He slid about two feet in that position. His arms flopped down, doll-like and limp. Somehow, he not only finished the match and WON, he took several dangerous moves and somehow laid on a perfectly executed Time Bomb.

After the match, according to Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer (one of the most highly respected news sources in Professional Wrestling), Takahashi walked to the back where he collapsed and was taken to the hospital. He also was the one to report that Takahashi had broken his neck, though New Japan is still simply referring to the obvious damage as simply “a neck injury”.

It’s a terrible thing when this happens, and this is the second time I’ve seen someone fight through a likely catastrophic injury in New Japan, since I also watched the match where Katsuyori Shibata suffered a hemorrhage last year. Shibata is now retired from the ring and serving as New Japan’s trainer here in their US Dojo. Hopefully, there’s enough space for 28 year old Hiromu Takahashi to also train people.

With the in-ring injury out of the way, let’s talk about Good Ol’ JR.

Jim Ross has been a color commentary man for Pro Wrestling since 1974. He started working for Jim Crockett Promotions/WCW in 1987, and after he left WCW in 1993, he debuted in WWF at Wrestlemania IX (That’s the one in the Caesar’s Palace parking lot in Las Vegas. He wore a toga). In 1994, he suffered his first episode of Bell’s Palsy, which paralyzed half of his face and is excruciating to endure. He’s had several episodes since, and the exhaustion it leaves him with eventually indirectly lead to his release from WWE in 2013. He stuck to podcasting and barbecue sauce for a while, but in 2015, he and Matt Striker began doing the English commentary for New Japan.

Why have I given you a quick rundown on the man from Oklahoma (who was actually born in California)?

Because JR was also at the G1 in San Fran.

And he was also injured at the G1 in San Fran.

While commentating on the incredible match between Switchblade Jay White and Juice Robinson for the IGWP United States Heavyweight Championship, JR was caught in the crossfire of a terrifying move. Switchblade threw Juice into a barricade in front of the announcers table, which pushed the table into Ross’s chest. The rumor is that this broke one of Ross’s ribs, so he’s in the hospital now while they try to prevent pneumonia.

Josh Barnett, Ross’s fellow commentator, was furious. I should probably mention that Jay also taunted both men after chucking a 6’3”, 220lb man at them. And that Josh Barnett is both a former wrestler and a former UFC Heavyweight champ who kinda looks like if Brock Lesnar and Dolph Lundgren had a slightly hipsterish son. Not a guy you want literally chasing you around the ring when you’re two inches and thirty pounds smaller than him. And you just threw a man at his friend. Who was never supposed to be involved in the match beyond commentary.

So yeah… Jay may have made an enemy. Or two.

To be clear, Switchblade Jay White is a heel, and he was very clearly trying to get heat, but I’m not sure that injuring an old man at the commentary table is the way to do it. Even though it worked. And it was amazing. Still. Leave poor JR alone. Dude lost his wife last year. Leave him alone.

Despite the two scary moments in the show, however, the card was incredible and culminated in one of the most awesome Bullet Club moments to date.

The Bullet Club, a stable of bad-boy wrestlers, has not been fine for a while. If you’d like to catch up on their goings-on, I strongly suggest the series “Being the Elite” on YouTube.

Suffice it to say, things came to a head in the final match on the card: Kenny Omega vs Cody Rhodes. He can’t call himself Rhodes because of course WWE are being buttwads about the whole thing…

Kenny Omega is a huge nerd, but he's also a legit boss.

Cody Rhodes is Dusty Rhodes' younger son, Gold Dust's little brother, and an absolute villain. Brilliant.

These guys are pure money. But they’re at each other’s throats constantly. And it has torn the bullet club to pieces.

After their blowout match, the rest of the Bullet Club were coming to the ring slowly, but then the Tongans came. The Tongans are literally Tongans, guys. It’s not a gimmick. They’re relatives of Haku (who I will be talking about eventually, but the man is terrifying if you give him cause to be). Out they came: Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa, Haku. Everyone knew something was wrong. If Tama isn’t smiling at you, you run. Kenny and the Young Bucks didn’t run.

In the aftermath, the Tongans tried to hand Cody a chair so he could essentially execute Kenny Omega. He turned on the Tongans. They laid him down with a devastating move.

If you want to see this or any other New Japan shows, which I strongly suggest, in spite of the injuries, then I suggest signing up for their network for 999 yen. Which is less than 9 bucks a month. Seriously worth it, since they have matches from all the way back to Inoki’s days, which means that it’s awesome. Just follow this link!

So what I’m saying is this: Wrestling is dangerous, but it’s also amazing.

Go Enjoy Something!

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