Wednesdaymania: Talkin Shop A Mania 2: Rise of the Torturer (ADULT)

 

In Which Much Silliness Was Watched

So... the Good Brothers themselves, those Gimmicky Madmen, Gallows & Anderson made another Pay Per View. It's fifteen dollars, and you can get it on FiteTV, and if you were interested, let me just say... Watch the thing. Seriously, it's worth every penny!

You just shouldn't watch it with children.

Or probably your parents.

Because it's... very NSFW.

I mean, the last PPV had a match involving a dildo graveyard, so... maybe don't watch this if you're not in the mood for something rauncy, stupid, and incredibly silly.

This show has it all!

It has a murder mystery!

It has Little People!

It has a Softcore Match!

It has Marks Working Themselves Into A Shoot!

It has Zombies!

It has a sex swing!

It has bad CG!

It has surprisingly good CG!

It has music!

It has...

It's got a lot of weird shit going on, let's be real.

This Pay Per View, much like the last one, felt like a bunch of friends getting together and making a very stupid home movie, but with one with a script and editing. And a whole lot of beer. And vehicular manslaughter. And disMemberment (that's not accidental, that capital letter...).

Do you want to see a Lucha Death Match between Chavo Guerrero Jr and Chico El Luchador? TSAM2's gotcha covered.

Do you want to see 99% naked dudes with aggressively pasty dad-bods wrestling in g-strings? TSAM2's gotcha covered.

Do you want to see a very, very mean parody of the WWE tag team Retribution involving feces? TSAM2's gotcha covered.

Do you want to see Chris Jericho reprising his Southpaw role?

TSAM2's gotcha covered.

Do you want to see the token Good Match?

uh... you've bought the wrong PPV for excellent wrestling. This is pure chaos, folks.

Come for the ridiculousness of Karate Man Ethan Page vs an actual freaking zombie, stay for a couple of beefy nutcases getting their scrotums torn off while Big Poppa Pump calls them out on their stupid booking.

In all seriousness, though, this is a great show, and despite me not particularly thrilled that they keep giving Enzo and James Ellsworth a paycheck, I'm satisfied that the 15 bucks spent went to ensuring another one of these stupid shows get made.

It's 2020. The year is a dumpster fire, and sometimes, you just want a subversive, nonsensical Idiocracy-adjacent wrestling show to lighten the mood.

Well done, you delirious weirdos.

PS - yes, Virgil's in it. Yes, there are Olive Garden breadsticks involved. Yes it's as silly as it sounds. That's the point.

Go Enjoy Something!

Wednesdaymania - Talk N Shop A Mania

 

In Which I Watched A New Pay Per View!

Once upon a time, I posted regularly on Wednesdays. Then I started writing a novel. And The Pandemic of 2020 happened. And things were... difficult, to say the least. But here we are with a special Wednesdaymnia for y'all. Very special.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a couple of guys got drunk, booked a pay-per-view, and then actually went through with it in their own backyard? Because that's Talk-n-Shop-a-Mania. For about $15, you can watch a passel of wrestlers go bananas in someone's back yard, all narrated by Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson, and Rocky Romero (with some surprising guest stars)!

If that doesn't sound like a good time, go down a whole liter of Mountain Dew and reread it. There you go. Now you're in the proper mindset. And possibly a diabetic coma - if that's the case, sorry!

Regardless, it's absolutely worth the price of admission, especially if you are among fellow wrestling fans who like to have a good time, but not necessarily the kind of wrestling fans who really love accurate, incredible wrestling.

Because let's be real, this is a bunch of guys in a back yard. It's not Dean Malenko vs Eddie Guerrero in 95. It's more... Carny than that. Way more Carny. Like... cigarette smoke, butt rock, and funnel cake Carny.

And it's fun - you can tell everyone's there because they want to be (not just because they actually got paid). There are some really surprising cameos, there's a Nature Boy, there's a mostly naked big girl, there's a sex toy, there's really cheap fireworks, there's possibly the worst hardcore match ever committed to film (seriously, it was hilariously bad and that made it fun!), and there's a hearse.

There's a "Boner Yard" match between Sex Ferguson and Chadd 2 Badd (Gallows & Anderson) as your main event, but there are running jokes throughout the entire program that culminate in that very match (it's also the best shot portion of the PPV, go figure lol). Naked dudes, a certain couple of birdy boys (one complete with appropriate posterboard), at least one politician, and yes, Chico El Luchador makes several appearances including in one match where the outcome was so shocking that the room actually went silent for a moment.

It was a roller coaster ride in the same way the Clerks is a roller coaster ride - surprising and unlikely things happen, people who you wouldn't expect to show up do, and there are mullets (namely from Brian Pillman Jr in the Social Distancing Battle Royal and from Enzo showing up to spoil the end of the main event). The whole thing is a fuster cluck, but a delightful one, and I could watch it two or three more times and be very happy.

At a little under an hour and a half, it's a breezy watch, and you are almost guaranteed to be snickering at least once every fifteen minutes. The low price point makes it an easy sell for me, and honestly, I'm looking forward to Talk-n-Shop-a-Mania 2 now.

I'm so happy that this dumb thing exists, and I was smiling the whole time I was watching it. Honestly, the biggest reason I'm being so vague about the card is because I was laughing so hard I missed most of the important information, so if you're feeling bad and you like gimmicky silly wrestling (like the stuff you caught glimpses of in the Southpaw stuff on WWE or if you're a fan of Herb Abrams...) then this is definitely a show to watch!

Alright, that'll do it for me - I've got a lot of work to do today besides talk about this awesome, ridiculous PPV!

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Wednesdaymania COMMISSION: World Tour 1992

In Which I Watched Something on the Network

One of my Ko-fi patrons was kind enough to commission another WWE Network show from me recently, and they selected the World Tour 1992, which is located under their "ORIGINALS" tab. You may have to go looking for it. What follows are my realtime notes, taken as I watched this fantastic show, which means there are curse words:

World Tour 1992

Colosseum Video

Lord Alfred Hayes in London, England

First Match: High Energy Vs Beverly Bros (Koko B Ware & Owen Hart vs the Beverly bros)

• “Bird Man” is a bizarre and hilarious song
• I love Lanny Poffo trying to speak poetry at the camera despite being completely inaudible
• Owen’s in first in his WORST outfit and I love it
• Owen BITCHSLAPS the Beverly bro and wrecks his elbow. Fantastic wrestler-turned-trainer
• Awesome selling. Why is this curtain-jerker so good? Answer: Owen.
• Chunkier Beverly comes in with a strut, pesters Koko into entering the ring. I see they are chickenshit heels, hence having Lanny, who is stilllllll rhyming quietly outside.
• Ah, chunky Bev is Blake (mustache)
• WHAT IS THAT FLIPPY THING FROM THE TOP ROPE AT 5:47 ON THE NETWORK?!
• Owen was a freaking genius.
• The Beverly bros are… bland, but Owen is hot as heck, despite tagging Koko in.
• Koko is much slower, but he knows how to drive a crowd wild.
• The Beverlys are feuding with LOD which is why the crowd is going bananas.
• Huh. Reference to Pat Tanaka holding the NEVER belt in NJPW?
• Crowd is hot, despite bland bear hug spot. Frankie the bird is squawking up a storm.
• Gorilla Monsoon, on commentary implying that the bird is legit Koko’s manager and gives him advice in the ring lol.
• This match is… a bit too long for its own good. It’s only 8 minutes in and I already want it over.
• Owen could wrestle this whole match for the four of them :|
• Gorilla unflatteringly compares the Genius to Frankie, saying Frankie has added more to the match.
• VOLCANIC HOT TAG FOR OWEN. Owen clears house!
• Beverly Bros DQ themselves by bashing Owen with the Genius’s clipboard scroll, attempt to batter koko in the ring, Koko clears house, Owen slams a bev into the post.
• 1:57-12:33 (11:36?)
• Very fun

Break with Bobby Heenan! And Lord Alfred in the Queen’s Box at Royal Albert Hall, Bobby being as crass as any American can be. “This is where the Queen hangs her hat!” lol

Bobby insinuates they have tractor pulls, Alfred objects strenuously and informs him that rather than tractor pulls, they host the philharmonic… and WWF matches…

We join a 20 man battle royal where Davy Boy is chucking Typhoon but the Mountie punches his nuts, then both men double-team British Bulldog. Mountie gets eliminated on DB’s comeback, which is halted by Typhoon, but Davy wins by shouldering under Typhoon's gut and carefully letting Typhoon’s momentum carry him out of the ring. Win!

14:10-16:50 (2:40 for the segment played)

I did not count the battles royal as separate matches as they were all joined-in-progress, which makes timekeeping a true pain.

We are now on Caunce Ln as Davy comes out of a house that’s very pleasant. Alfred interviews Davy’s parents. They’re adorable. Davy says he eats like a family of six, puts his mother over. Adorable. Sid, his dad, says Davy was rough as a child and is very quietly proud of his boy. He looks like Scotty from Star Trek. His mom looks like a forgotten Golden Girl.

Second Match: Davy Boy vs Repo Man

• Worcester is where they are
• Repo comes in hot, and there’s a cool shot panning up from his repo hook up to the Bulldog being thrown into the corner.
• Repo sells like mad for some nice dropkicks and mounts a good offense, which he sells as hurting him just as much as Davy bc of Davy’s muscles.
• Seriously, Repo is selling really really well here.
• Some of Davy’s hair is slowly coming out of his tiny braids and it kinda looks like a perm.
• Gorilla tells Alfred that he rather likes his accent and wishes it wasn’t disappearing slowly in America.
• Man, Barry Darsow (Repo) is vocalizing like Lex Luger lol “Oh! OH!” lol
• Bulldog has him in a series of rest holds now. Darsow sells these well.
• Aloha Davy, but then he punches Darsow, who gets his revenge with a punch and then a beautiful suplex, though he may have pulled his upper arm.
• Another artistic focus shot on the hook passing focus between the hook in the foreground and the match behind it. Lovely.
• This isn’t perhaps the most rapid of matches, but it’s got some good meat and potatoes. Repo’s stops look brutal.
• Repo choking in front of Hebner, but Davy denies his piledriver attempt.
• I can’t tell if we’ve gone past selling but boy is there not much light in these moves.
• Still that delayed suplex is fantastic, though Repo didn’t sell much and Schoolboy’d him.
• Running power slam wins it for Davy!
• 19:04-25:53 (6:49)

Cut to Davy walking around with the most 90s of 90s British kids. 1/3 of these kids have on enviable 90s windbreaker tracksuits, some have those 90s sweaters/sweatshirts we all miss, and the rest are oozing “WE’RE BRITISH, LOOK MUMMY I’M ON THE TELLY!”

They go to the school Davy went to, hanging out at the boys’ entrance.

Davy’s zubas game is strong, and his fanny pack (er, hip pouch if you’re British) is on his hip rather than his waist. His shirt is made up of spare plaid that someone had laying around the shop.

Third Match: British Bulldog (with Winston the bulldog!) vs The Warlord

• Warlord is bald and massive, but Davy is also massive, so they match, though Warlord looks a wee bit bigger
• It’s a hoss fight – lots of shoulder checking until Warlord rolls out of the ring to get yelled at by… Slick? Why was Warlord with Slick?!
• I like the elbows from Warlord
• Ends with Davy lugging Warlord around like a sack of flour for a bit, which is super impressive, then slams him down and pins him.
• Pretty good hoss fight :)
• 28:08-36:28 (8:20)

Cut to changing of the guards at Buckingham palace and Lord Alfred.

Segment: At Home With El Matador Tito Santana

• Tito’s home… looks like a cheap hotel room someone decorated by memory from that time they saw Zorro as a very young kid who was home sick with a high fever. There are cheap candles in cheap spiral-carved candlesticks, an ugly lamp, a dagger on the wall next to a truly hideous… carved? Panel painting of a bullfight, some fake plants, I think that might be a pinata and an ugly chair with a creepy face on it. In short, it’s very 1990s WWE and faintly, insultingly racist.
• Home is very important with Tito. He has some “family heirlooms” including a dollar store sombrero he claims belonged to “a member of (his) family when he rode with Pancho Villa” (?!?!)
• The ugly carving/painting is apparently supposed to be his Great Great Grandfather “El (Sevito?)” in the late 1800s fighting El Torito the bull.
• There’s a freakin huge fiesta going on for Tito, everyone chanting and singing and dancing and it’s really ridiculous.
• Tito is going for wholesome and it’s all ruined by the very obviously intercut scenes of a bullfight and himself, which aren’t even the same film.
• He plays with a “spara” (the dagger they use to torture the bulls). It’s very ornate. It apparently was his Great Great Great Grandfather’s, and he got it from Spain.
• Ends with a threat to bring the dagger to the ring and a big OLE!

Fourth Match – Roddy Piper vs The Barbarian

• I’m beginning to think they meant it to be Alfred going around the world but they ran out of money in England, and since they didn’t want to put every British Bulldog match on VHS at once, they just started throwing random stuff on it.
• This is happening in Spain, apparently
• Barbarian looks… surprisingly good, despite the fact that he’s wearing a skinned bigfoot costume.
• Alfred and Shawn Mooney on commentary, very fun
• The crowd is losing their minds over Piper, who looks pretty alert!
• Definitely got the semi-mullet going
• Gaaaaaasssssssssssed up (Piper looks like he's on some serious steroids)
• Big staredown, ref has to break it up. This is all before the bell rings.
• Starts with a huge embracing brawl, which the ref, the late great Joey Marella, got between
• More embrawlsing
• Crowd really liked piper slamming his fists on barbarian’s chest lol
• Piper gets a very theatrical side headlock on barbarian, crowd goes nuts
• Barbarian ignores slingshot shoulderchecks and flexes, then demands a test of strength
• It’s not going great for Piper, who is already blown up lol
• Piper literally crumples and rolls out of the TOS
• Tosses Barbarian out over the ropes precariously close to the stairs
• Mooney’s voice is very clear, while Alfred’s is a bit whispier
• This is a very vocal mask, especially with Piper’s moaning and groaning and growling.
• Barbarian’s backbreaker looked rough, but Piper broke free.
• Barbarian is targeting Piper’s back with a bearhug now. Piper is really hamming it up.
• Man are they oily/sweaty
• Joey Marella, Gorilla's son, was a really good ref.
• Piper earclaps his way out of the hold, clambers to Bret’s Rope only to be caught in another bearhug lol
• While this isn’t my favorite sequence in a match, it’s really well thought out and makes sense for these opponents – Piper fights dirty and clever, Barbarian is slow but powerful, so B tries to ground P by rupturing his spine and P is trying to survive
• P tumbles out of the ring – scary dude.
• Aloha Barbarian drops to his knees and after getting his pin denied (he held the ropes) gets schoolboy’d by Piper who wins.
• (44:18-53:15) (8:59)

At 54 min in, suddenly El Matador is punching the Mountie

Ah, it’s another Battle Royal, this one in Munich, Germany, joined in progress

El Matador is out, now Bret Hart is battering Mountie, British Bulldog having fun, it’s a big battle royal.

Bret is tossed out

Oh, poor Repo man going against Hawk

Hawk flies out of the ring

Col Mustafa out

this is a pee break match if ever I’ve seen one lol

Everyone’s chanting USA, but only the Mountie and Davy aren’t American

I believe this is also Shawn Mooney and Lord Alfred on commentary

Yeah, that’s Mooney.

Sags tosses Hacksaw

Mountie has reinserted himself?

Everyone is 1000000x Gassed

Let’s go home guys (my reaction)

Bye Repo (tossed by Sgt Slaughter)

Mountie chucks Linkara’s dad (Slaughter)

Jimmy Hart chucks the shock stick to Mountie, who accidentally shocks Sags(?) out of the ring and Davy tosses him after. Davy wins.

(54:00-1:03:53) (9:53)

We are now at a portrait of her majesty Queen Victoria with a lovely red and cream gown in a garden.

Bobby calls it a prom dress, asks who the artist is, makes a ham joke, and then mistakes it for a paint-by-numbers. Never change Bobby.

Fifth Match: Sgt Slaughter vs the Model Rick Martel

• Ah, this is while Martel is feuding with Tatanka and has stolen his sacred eagle feathers
• btw, that’s a federal crime
• even beyond the theft
• Possession of Eagle feathers is very, very restricted, unless you’re Native.
• Martel is NOT Native American (duh)
• Leadup to Summerslam at Wembley Stadium!
• Alfred is bananas over the Model, Gorilla is… less so lol
• Even Gorilla is impressed by Martel’s physique
• Then he jokes about Martel being lubed up to “Swim the English Channel” lol
• Martel has a lot of energy, which he needs in order to make Sgt Slaughter look quicker than he is.
• Slaughter is using his thighs, which is… certainly a thing lol
• I dunno, Martel not protecting himself from the “bash Martel’s head into the turnbuckle” spot is a bit scary, and boy have I seen a lot of wrestlers lose careers over the shoulder-to-the-ring-post move…
• Still, this is good psychology on Slaughter’s part, working the pre-bruised shoulder like this.
• I love that the Atomic Drop was considered more than a transitional move. I mean, it would really stop someone in their tracks if you shoved your kneecap into their tailbone in real life, but it just looks silly.
• The Cobra Clutch on the other hand, could be very scary if it weren’t so very obviously put on with the least amount of force possible (if you actually squeezed, you’d kill a man by cutting off both arteries in the neck!!!)
• But nay, the model’s atomizer of Arrogance perfume was used as a weapon while the ref was turned away, and Martel wins.
• Match felt longer than it was, but told a good story the whole time.
• (1:08:21-1:16:08) (7:47)

Sixth Match: El Matador vs Kato

• I have just noticed Tito’s pink hair scrunchie and can now think of nothing else
• Boy is the anti-Asian racism WWE is known for on full display while Alfred and Gorilla discuss Mr Fuji and Kato. Lazy mispronunciations of Kato’s name with flippant “who cares” attitude, “Land of the Rising Sun” talk because no one knows the names of Asian nations that aren’t China or Japan, just… they always sucked at talking about Asia.
• Kato is, of course, played by Paul Diamond, who was actually Croatian (born Tomas Boric), though you might know him better as the other guy who played Max Moon lol.
• These two have zero chemistry together. I could see that being because Tito was… unamused by the blatant racism involved in having a Croatian guy play someone who was supposed to be Japanese, but you never know with wrestlers… I mean, Tito’s a Texan being billed from a city that doesn’t exist (is Tocula just Toluca but the white as white writers can’t spell?). Heck, Tito has more experience with Japan than Diamond, since he was at least trained by Hiro Matsuda…
• Diamond is, however, a pretty good wrestler.
• Danny Davis is a very assertive referee
• Neither Alfred nor Gorilla will say Kato’s name correctly :|
• Tito eventually pins Kato, but boy did this match feel long due to the commentary. I’m sure back in 92 this was funny, but today it doesn’t fly as well.
• I will say that Tito’s theme makes me think of Herb Alpert, which makes me very very happy
• (1:18:00-1:24:00) (6:00)

Seventh Match: Macho Man Randy Savage vs Shawn Michaels

• Hey, Mike McGuirk! The ACTUAL first female ring announcer in WWE! She’s great!
• Oh, and I think I’ve seen this match before – I recognize Sherri’s white poofy dress and face-spangles. If it’s the one I’m thinking of, it’ll be amazing.
• Match is taking place in Munich, Germany
• Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred on commentary
• This is early in Michaels’ career, bc Sherri is still singing the theme
• Macho is alone and dayglo
• It’s truly unfair that of these three, Shawn is the one still around.
• Mooney had no idea that America isn’t the only nation with immigrants and tourists, as he’s surprised how many non-white and non-German fans there are in Germany.
• Shawn opens with a lunge like a bored cat, and that’s a good thing lol
• Macho has a limp bc of how rough the European tour has been
• Sherri is distracting as heck because of how beautiful she was
• This match is off to a slightly slow start by modern standards, but it’s still really fun and well-thought-out.
• Macho is desperate to protect his leg, throws a chair into the ring! Wow!
• Ref trying to take the chair, Sherri punches Macho in the calf, screaming loudly for Shawn to “give it to him!” lollllll
• GIVEITTO’IM SHUOAAAAAWWWWWWNNNNN C’MUONNNNN
• Strike heavy match. I wonder if Shawn is calling it or if Macho plotted it out?
• Macho’s flying axe handle might have resulted in his leg being truly borked
• Great match
• Alfred talks about how the match had to be ok’d by the physician, but I think the WWE physician was Zahorian, I think, who was prescribing drugs for fun and bodybuilding at this point.
• Shawn tries to leave, gets dragged back
• Sherri tries to distract Macho on the apron, but he grabs her and waits for Michaels to run up to them. When Shawn gets there, Macho dodges and leaves Sherri to take the brunt of Michaels’ attack. Total Heel move for a Face lol
• Shawn brings Macho’s bad leg down on his knee. Sherri is apparently fine, since she’s wailing for Shawn to beat Macho on the outside lol
• I won’t give away everything, because this is a match well worth watching.
• It is slow by modern standards, but it’s great storytelling, and it’s quite brutal when you think about how each move and blow must feel on an injured leg
• Macho does win this match, but boy is it by the skin of his teeth!
• Sherri pitches an incredible hissy by chucking Mike McGuirk out of her chair by the scruff of her neck, stealing the chair, tossing it into the ring, and rolling in herself. Sherri wallops macho with the chair, Shawn chucks Joey Marella (the ref) out of the ring, slamming the chair on Macho’s leg, and assaults the officials as they come to the ring. It’s a fantastic sore-loser attack. Also, Shawn just battered the kayfabe President of WWE Jack Tunney.
• (1:27:52-1:42:21) (14:29)

We end with Alfred back in front of Tower Bridge, bowler, bowtie, brolly and all. He delivers his genteel outtro and we are finished with this Colosseum Home video.

What a fantastic watch. At 1:44:50 (nearly 1.75 hours!) it can be a bit overwhelming, so I’d strongly suggest breaking it up into a pair of viewing sessions broken up by a meal. Maybe start watching it before lunch, then settle back into it afterwards. It’s not boring, not in the least, but if you are used to the zippy, high-octane matches of today, it is absolutely a culture shock going back to the real meat and potatoes style of the 90s.

8/10 would watch again, but preferably with friends so we can nerd out about the history and storytelling with each other!

I hope that review of what I watched was entertaining to you guys, and I'd strongly recommend going to check it out! It's just called World Tour 1992, so look for that :)

Now Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Wednesdaymania 323: Working Hard For The Coffee

Exciting News: I'm boring.

I've been commissioned for another PPV, recently, so that's what I'm watching this week! Stay tuned next week for that commission. For now let me see if you can guess what it is with three hints:

• "I'm gonna wear what I wanna wear"
• An American Mortician in Peril
• Kids being forced to say the pledge in a voiceover

Yes? No? Check back next week to find out!

I'm also working hard at my book, averaging between 100-150 words a day, and some days I've written over 300 words at once. I'd like to be more at my max than my average, but when your bedroom is 84 degrees with both fans running and you're a fridgeblossom like me, it can be hard to concentrate.

I'm pleased with the quality of my work, though, and that's just as important. If I hate my story, I won't write it, and that would be devastating.

So stay tuned, keep on keeping on, and stick around. It's been a really rough month for wrestlers, so if you're following any on Twitter or other Social Media, maybe send them a few positive messages - like telling them what you love about them!

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Talk About Wednesdaymania 320 lol

In Which Wait... This Isn't The Right Image?!

I can explain.

So... Tuesday. I'm writing this (technically) on Tuesday.

It's Taco Tuesday.

It's also Cinco de Mayo.

I'm not Mexican, but I do love an excuse to load up on beef & cheese in a taco shell...

But that's not the reason it's my Saturday image on a Wednesday while I talk about Tuesday!

Simply put, time lacks meaning right now.

So since it was/is Cinco de Mayo, we watched some AAA matches and some WWF Super Astros. Don't know what Super Astros is? It's the Spanish-language version of Superstars, basically. One of the episodes we saw was right after Over the Edge, so they were discussing Owen Hart and his unfortunate end constantly.

The matches on Super Astros were incredible. Lots of Super Loco, El Merenguero, Papi Chulo, and most fascinating of all: Tons of Minis. I have nothing but admiration and respect for the Minis of WWF. They put on insanely good matches with greater consistency than any of the other talent, and at the end of the day, they worked so much harder than they had to. I wish they'd have put Minis back into the mix, because while Hornswoggle was fun, he wasn't enough. Not when Max Mini and Mini Nova and El Torito were all running around.

Love me some crazy wrestling!

The AAA Matches are on their YouTube channel, so if you want to watch a clown and a dragon totally wreck the Lucha Bros in style, you go find that! There's also an intense, bloody match with Blue Demon Jr involving blading, bleeding, and a ball-peen hammer. It was a bit hard to watch in places, but insanely good. Seriously, go check out the AAA YouTube page!

So that explains the Wednesdaymania, right? And it happened on a Tuesday, so that's Talk About Tuesday... why video games?

Because I set up the N64 in my room today and set up my laptop so that I could have my partner watch me play through Resident Evil 2 on the N64... because I don't have a streaming setup and I don't have any way of streaming a legit N64 game via the internet.

It was a blast, so if you have a loved one who you like to play video games near, definitely set something like that up. We used the Facebook video chat feature, and it took a bit of fiddling with my overhead light, the window shade, and the angle of my laptop's camera to get everything to work. Then we worked on my unfamiliarity with N64 controls.

I used to play N64 games over at my cousins' place in the 90s and early 00s. We played a lot of the original Smash Bros, Pokemon Stadium, Pokemon Snap, and... actually, yeah that's it.

I played fifteen seconds of the demo for Ocarina of Time in a store once?

But yeah, I have very very little experience with any other N64 games.  And Resident Evil 2 has Tank Controls. Thank goodness I had put in both the invincibility cheat and the infinite ammo cheat, because I was running in circles constantly in the beginning. See, I couldn't figure out how the Tank Controls worked. I suuuuuuuuucked at first. And then my partner patiently walked me through the panic that was setting in (I was afraid I'd broken either the game or controller) and we made it all the way past the Spade Key! I'm lowkey not looking forward to the dogs...

But yeah, today was spend mostly clearing out space for me to play the game (I should get a chair...) and then playing the game! Then I went downstairs and ate tacos, and then I came back up to watch a bunch of great wrestling.

So that was today/yesterday.

I hope you guys are having a productive and/or safe Corona Season.

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Wednesdaymania 314

In Which Wrestling Of Many Kinds Has Happened

The Haru Basho in Japan has come to a close. How was it? Really, really good. People got thrown into the cheap seats, Chiyomaru came back (despite having had to be tested for the Human Malware - he just had the flu, which... uh... maybe he should've sat the rest of the basho out regardless?!), and there were some very scary Hakuho matches. It's one of the few bashos I've seen with the Mongolian Yokozuna where he lost a match or two. Takayasu had to leave the basho due to a severe muscle tear, and I hope that's not the last we've seen of him.

So yeah, Haru Basho, the Ghost Basho (due to mandated lack of attendance) was certainly strange.

But how is pro-wrestling doing without a live crowd?

In my opinion... not great.

I've seen stuff from the WWE shows, and they have no idea how to wrestle without a crowd. It's an "advantage" that the New Generation (and earlier) era guys have which the modern wrestlers do not, since new guys have not really wrestled in empty arenas before, and the writers have never prepared for this.

Kinda like how sitcoms wouldn't fly right now because there can't be a live studio audience.

So much of wrestling is reactionary, and it's silly to watch people waiting for the crowd that isn't there to pop. Their cadence is thrown off. It's a trainwreck.

As for AEW, since most of them are more fluid talkers than the WWE anyway, it's not that hard to imagine them holding their own with promos (especially since Jake Roberts is working with them). Brodie Lee has arrived as the Exalted One, which is a fantastic idea. Broken Matt Hardy working with the Bucks against the Inner Circle is great. I am loving what I'm seeing from BTE and Dark (Sunny Kiss vibes surprisingly well with Joey Janela, which I never would have guessed as it seems like a non-trademarked styles clash on paper). They still miss the crowd and it's obvious.

The crowds miss them, too.

As for the indies, it's going to be a hard fight, but they're doing their best. Wrestlers are spending this time to send out feelers into other forms of media, to do work (Wheeler Yuta is apparently a professional steel drummer and I guess WARHORSE runs a... soft rock show on the radio?! What?!), and to load their merch shops up so they can make it another 1-8 weeks. I hope it doesn't come to that.

If you have a wrestler you like, definitely follow their social media. If they have a YouTube channel, turn off your adblocker and watch all of their videos on repeat. It's a good time to support people in any way we can.

Oh, and if you're in the mood to have some horror in your life, VICE has put out a documentary on the Chris Benoit incident.

I think that about covers it for wrestling today.

I'm going to go disinfect some stuff and throw on a wrestling tee and pants.

Go Enjoy Something (preferably from your home)
FC

Wednesdaymania 313: When Life And Art Are One

In Which I Am Losing My Mind Over Indies

You may have noticed that it's a weird time to be a fan of any kind of sport, much less wrestling. While the latest Basho continues (with one wrestler, Chiyomaru, pulling out due to having two consecutive 37.5℃/99℉ tests), the American Professional Wrestling scene is much... sparser.

See, we're no longer (in my state, at least) advised to have gatherings of over 10 people, which is not helping my anxiety at all, but will probably help limit the spread of COVID-19. This means that wrestling events... aren't advised. Yikes.

But here's where things are getting freaky, because you know how I've been talking about that wrestling novel I've been writing?

Uh...

One of the plot points I've been waffling on because I thought it was too unrealistic is about to become a reality.

Because wrestlers aren't able to wrestle, and that's literally how they get money, so there is now an actual factual Indy promotion which is planning to stream wrestling matches from their own private ring into your homes so you can stay home and watch cool wrestling while actually SENDING MONEY TO YOUR FAVORITE WRESTLER VIA THE STREAM.

HOLY CRAP.

THAT'S LITERALLY THE MODEL FOR MY GUILD OF WRESTLING PROFESSIONALS.

Hopefully, Freelance (the promotion in question) will be chill about this and not call me out on this because I've literally been hammering out the idea since last freaking year!

So, yes, hopefully when this novel, written by yours truly comes out, and you recognize the business model therein, you don't think I stole the idea from them (or that they stole the idea from me, because let's face it, the moment Twitch.tv appeared on the scene, it was only a matter of time before something like this came up).

Yeah.

Life is freaking bizarre right now.

Stay home if you can, sanitize as you are able, wash your hands, avoid contact, stay safe.

I love you all.

Enjoy Something!
FC

Wednesdaymania 308: A Wrestling (Very) Brief

In Which I'm A Bad Wrestling Blogger

Full disclosure, guys - my internet went out this morning and I've been playing catchup with emails and social media. I also haven't been watching as much wrestling as I usually do - but that's more because I'm a sleepy birb lately.

Here's what I *do* know about wrestling this week:

• Nyla Rose as Women's Champ in AEW is awesome and I'm looking forward to it
• I also dig the Being the Elite stuff with Kenny and Hangman vs the Bucks.
• I need to watch more Powerrr because it's awesome
• I have a lot of catching up to do on MLW
• NXT is still awesome and Bianca Belair has it. She's got herself all figured out and it's a treat to watch her in the ring.
• Liger is still being adorable online
• I should watch some more New Japan soon

So not a lot to report (despite a lot going on, I'm sure), but wrestling is still cool, I'm still enjoying my shows, and I like that I can access most of modern wrestling via my Roku... except for NJPW.

Seriously, NJPW, get on this. It sucks to have to hook up a phone or laptop to a tv to be able to see what's going on!

Anyway, I hope that NJPW doesn't go through too much trouble due to Coronavirus, especially since it's battering Japan the way it is and with so many businesses trying to limit exposure.

Hopefully this year will be the death of the handshake and public health will become more of a focus for everyone.

I think that'll do it for me, guys

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Wednesdaymania 307: Keeping Up With Wrestling

What Do You Do When There's Too Much Wrestling?

I'm just one person. I have two eyes that are barely functioning, two sets of two limbs, one brain, one heart, same organs as almost anyone else. I have the same amount of hours in the day the rest of you have - 24. 8 of these hours are supposed to be spent sleeping, 3 are spent eating, and then there are various bathroom breaks. So let's say I've got about 10 hours total in which to do everything that needs doing - writing, working, etc. That's if I don't eat while doing other things (which I usually do).

So when you've got this many quality wrestling programs to keep track of, something's usually gonna give, and since I refuse to give up food, it's either gonna be sleep or wrestling.

Usually it's sleep, to be honest.

This week, wrestling kinda went to the wayside as I focused on writing, crochet, and other things that needed to be done (chores, for example). I don't have my usual company-by-company updating to give you, so instead, let me tell you what I have learned about wrestling, this week!

• The NWA: Powerrr episode this week was great, and I really enjoyed both it and last week's episode.
• I still haven't watched Cody Rhodes' back getting turned into hamburger, and I'm actually uncomfortable with the idea of watching it. I don't do well with real pain, guys. I just don't.
• Which is why I skipped the barbed wire match between Jimmy Havoc and Mance Warner on ep 94 of MLW Fusion. I have seen the next episode, but I haven't caught up to ep 96 yet!
• I'm still following Jyushin Thunder Liger on Twitter, and if you aren't yet, you really should, because his adorable posts about what he's eating, his love of carnivorous plants, and his extreme talent in sculpting are incredible and give me life.
• I haven't heard much about Ibushi's health, but apparently he was in some kind of kaiju movie? I only know about it because my Film and Editing Friendo heard about it and told me!
• I'm slowly warming up to the use of Pantera in the NWA: Powerrr opening, but I dig that they change themes after every PPV.
• It's really fun seeing Shawn Mooney again!
• Taz is a darn good commentator for AEW Dark
• Even the little guys are getting on tv now - I hear that one of the YouTube based wrestling channels will be on a small French network now? Cool!
• I just really like wrestling, guys, even if I don't always watch it

If you're falling behind on wrestling on YouTube and in the world, I strongly suggest subscribing to one of the many internet wrestling news services out there:

• Wrestling With Wregret
• Wrestlamia
• WhatCulture Wrestling
• Wrestle Talk
• Wrestling Observer/Figure 4

So it's a shorter blog than I'd intended, but it's almost time for my writing sprint (30 minutes where I just write without any tabs open or other distractions), so I've gotta go.

I love you all.

I love wrestling.

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Wednesdaymania 304: Brief Updates

In Which I Talk About Wrestling

I've been enjoying what wrestling has to offer in 2020 so far. New Japan is doing interesting things, AEW got renewed through 2023, WWE is trying to make things interesting (and it's working, though maybe not always in a good way), ROH basically stole Marty, and just... wrestling in general is pretty cool right now.

I've been following a bunch of wrestlers on Twitter, and I strongly recommend finding whoever you like in the ring and following them on Twitter. It can be either a delight or a head trip. Except for Cena. He just gives inspirational quotes and crap. It's kinda boring. Good for him.

The big news this week, I think, is that the latest Sumo basho wound up with Hakuho, one of the most active and successful Yokozunae I've seen since I started watching, pulling out of the tournament after suffering two losses in a row!

I've only ever seen him lose two or three matches since I started watching Sumo!

Holy cow!

But yeah, the only other news regarding wrestling that I have for now is that I'm actively writing my wrestling novel!

The novella I wrote was 12k words or so and has become Part 1 of a three-part book. I'm working on Part 2 now, and I've gotten 1600 words already! I'm super excited for this to keep growing and to finish Part 2 so I can see if the mechanics of the book really do work together. Then I can work on Part 3! And after the three parts of the story are done, then I can edit it - add in things that are missing, take out things that don't belong, tighten up language, loosen up action, etc. Then... look for publishers!

I'm so nervous. I haven't finished anything written in years. I haven't sent any manuscripts out in years.

But I'm super excited and I can't wait to share this story with the world!

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Wednesdaymania 249: Christmas In The Squared Circle

In Which I Talk About Wrestling Gimmicks and Christmas

It's that time of year, folks, where the weather gets cooler (if you're in the northern hemisphere...) and thoughts turn to Christmas (if you celebrate it). This is a time of year for family, festivities, and...

Professional Wrestling?

ECW's December to Dismember, WCCW's Star Wars cards, to WWE's Season's Beatings, wrestling has a long and rich history of shows on or near Christmas Day.

But what of wrestlers themselves? Surely there aren't a plethora of Christmas or Winter-related gimmicks?

Well... kind of. Almost every wrestler on earth between the 1980s and today seems to have played Santa Claus at least once, but... few have well and truly made it a "gimmick". And I refuse to discuss Xanta Claus.

So this month, I'd like to talk about a few wrestlers who've had winter and/or Christmas-themed gimmicks or personas!

Today's focus is on Glacier, from WCW (and now AEW!)

Doesn't he look frickin' rad?!

Glacier, aka Raymond M Lloyd, was a martial artist who was hired by WCW to take advantage of the 1990s obsession with Mortal Kombat. Kind of obvious, yeah? I mean... you look at that photo and the similarity to SubZero is unmistakable.

But how was he in the ring?

Glacier was actually pretty alright!

Like a lot of guys with a martial arts background, he occasionally struggled to make his moves and strikes look "real" in the ring. The dude just didn't want to accidentally kill one of his opponents, and I can respect that. Also, it must've been tough to wrestle with a single contact lens in.

What Glacier is possibly best known for, however, is his insane entrance.

Lights, great music, and fake snow falling down gently into the arena all marked the coming of Glacier during his Blood Runs Cold era. WCW, to their credit, were 100% behind this man coming off as a total badass, spending nearly half a million dollars every time they used his full entrance! And on top of that insane number, that super awesome outfit he's wearing?

That cost them $35'000

You read that right.

And yes, you could probably get that from an internet propmaker today for under $1'000, depending on materials.

WCW was a madhouse. That's why people loved it!

So, yeah...

Glacier was pretty awesome, but unfortunately, his was a short-lived career in the land where The Big Boys Play (look at the adjective), and after the Blood Runs Cold gimmick died off, and his cool-looking opponents Mortis (aka Kanyon) and Wrath moved on, Glacier sold off his gimmick (in-character, which is very confusing and sounds stupid) to Kaz Hayashi and Ernest the Cat Miller.

An ignoble end to a really cool gimmick.

Yet... Glacier did not truly die!

Glacier has been seen on the Indie scene, at ROH shows, at AEW and AAA shows... even winning the NWA tag titles (pre-Billy Corgan)! So he's still around...

He just doesn't get a half-million dollar entrance and armor that could pay off my student loan debt...

That'll do it from me this week!
Go Enjoy Something!

Filmic Friday 248: Night And The City (1950)

In Which Noir is En Vogue

Fun Fact: The director, Jules Dassin, is also the man who created Rififi,
one of the most beloved Noir films of all time.

I'm a huge nerd. You may have noticed this about me. I am a huge silly nerd who loves huge silly things like movies and comics and books and wrestling. So of course I'm going to love a movie based on a book about a guy getting involved in wrestling.

The story of Night and the City follows the life of Harry Fabian, an American living in London. He has big dreams but he's also never met a get-rich-quick scheme he didn't fall for, and that's dangerous in the seedy underbelly of London's nightlife. Working as a club tout (basically a con man who drums up business for a particular club, in his case, the American club his girlfriend sings at), Harry dreams of being somebody in the world.

Preferably somebody who doesn't have to live life on the run.

Harry's girlfriend, Mary, is an honest, hardworking woman who has dreams of her own but has put them all on hold waiting for Harry to get himself together. She genuinely wants him to be happy, but where he sees untold riches in a suspiciously low-priced share of a greyhound track, she sees the truth - he's been taken for a ride yet again.

And Harry knows it. He knows she's the brains of the outfit and he can't stand it.
He feels like an utter disappointment. He just wants to be the one who holds her up,
not the other way around.

Meanwhile, Mary has become friends with the attractive artist next door, Adam. Adam lends Mary money when Harry drains her dry, but he genuinely seems to want Harry to succeed, too. Adam should know what it's like to be a creative mind that's been stifled - he's a working artist waiting for his big break, and that's an especially difficult thing for a sculptor. Paintings are easy to sell to people - they're portable and they don't shatter into a million pieces when dropped. A sculpture is a genuine luxury, fragile and expensive. Still, Adam is doing well enough for himself that he can help his friends and he can afford to burn dinner.

"Harry's an artist who hasn't yet found his art. That's bound to frustrate a man."

The club where both Mary and Harry work is owned by Mr. Nosseross (whose name is so much fun to say) and his shrewd and disloyal wife Helen, who is also Harry's ex. They are fairly dismissive towards Harry's dreams and schemes, mostly because they've heard it all before, but also because Mr. Nosseross senses something is not quite on the up-and-up between Helen and Harry.

And when you see Nosseross, you'll suddenly know what Maury Chaykin
was going for in his portrayal of Nero Wolfe in 2001/2002 on A&E.

One day, while touting for Nosseross's club, Harry comes into contact with Gregorious, a retired Greco-Roman Style Professional Wrestler, who is hurling insults at the in-ring antics of the most famous Pro Wrestler in London, the Strangler. What awes me is that Gregorious is being played by one of the all-time greats in professional wrestling: Stanislas Zbyszko! Now, if Zbyszko sounds familiar and you're in your 30s or older, you probably remember Larry Zbyszko, who was this man's pretend son. Stanislas is a magnificent actor in this movie, and you can absolutely buy that he's a strong man who's lead a hard life and is disappointed that his son, Mr. Kristo, is a slick promoter who will not give his other son, Nikolas, a shot in his promotion.

Everything Zbyszko does is believable in this film, and he very nearly made me cry at times.
Also, it's hard to believe it, but apparently he really loved experimental cinema and would often
go to movies with Jules Dassin, the director. He also formed a close relationship with Widmark,
the star (Harry!), which makes me unbelievably happy! What a cast!

Helen sneakily helps Harry secure funding to create Fabian Promotions, where he plans to run a show with Gregorious' son Nikolas, but since part of his funding is with Nosseross, who is very unhappy with his wife running around with his tout, he has to go and secure the services of the Strangler. All of this serves to infuriate Mr. Kristo, and I'm leaving quite a lot of the story out because you have to watch this movie!

But Nosseross and Kristo won't be the only ones furious with Harry by the end of this...

Something horrible ends up happening which seals Harry's fate. In the span of an afternoon, Harry goes from having it all to being on the run.

Because Kristo ends up putting a £1000 bounty on his head.

The last act follows Harry in a much more frightening version of his introduction. We meet Harry running through London, and Harry ends up running for his life through London at the end of the film. All of Harry's one-time friends in the London Underbelly see him as a payday, now. There's nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide.

My god, the ending is bleak and heartbreaking (especially if you watch the American version). You know how it will end pretty quickly, but you don't want it to. You don't want things to go the way they do, but, as is true with most Noir films, the end is an inevitability.

If you are looking for a good movie that isn't spoiled by sappy sentimentality, then absolutely pick up Night and the City. Heck, if you just want a taste of what 1950s Pro Wrestling may have been like, check it out! If I remember correctly, the actor playing The Strangler was also a Pro before he went to acting! We watched the Criterion Collection release, and I strongly suggest getting hold of that one for a wonderful viewing experience. It was in our local library system, so if you're on a budget, fret not, and check your library!

Go Enjoy Something!
FC

Wednesdaymania 240: AEW, WWE, WTH

Talkin' bout Wrasslin

So, I have two major things to talk about today: AEW's new show starting tonight, and what on earth is this garbage going on on WWE?!

For those not in the know, tonight marks the first ever episode of Wednesday Night Dynamite, which is the name of All Elite Wrestling's new tv show. TNT will be running the show live at 8/7c from DC. It's probably going to be insanely cool! I am super excited, but also disappointed that there's no way to watch the show without having a TV subscription. I might be able to watch it from my folks' house, but I won't be there tonight, so I'm going to have to find another way to view it somehow...

Regardless, tonight is the night when WWE has some new competition. Which you'd think would mean they would up their game and become much, much cooler and better.

Instead we have not just one stupid storyline where a married wrestler cheats on their wrestler partner and is a terrible human being.

We get two.

Yay.

Because we all wanted to see Bobby Lashly shoving his tongue down Lana's throat.

Ew.

Seriously, that was just kinda gross, and that's coming from someone who legitimately enjoys a little drama with their wrestling (I've grown to like the manipulative cattiness from Brandi Rhodes, for instance, since it's true machination and not just "Mean Girls" bullpucky). I mean, I don't get what the problem is in WWE with people having proper, happy marriages? Historically speaking, when they run these sorts of storylines, the people end up splitting up for real! I mean, the worst case of this was when Chris Benoit ended up traveling with Kevin Sullivan's wife, Nancy. If you want to know how that ended up, spoilers: very, very, VERY badly.

I'm not saying anything bad will happen here with either the Kanelis thing or with the Rusev/Lana/Lashly thing.

But at best we'll all be annoyed for several months before Vince gets bored and ditches both storylines, and at the most realistic worst, we'll all have to endure the endless divorce proceedings.

So much for a women's revolution...

But back on the subject of AEW on TNT!

I don't know the full card for tonight, but I understand that there are several matches being advertised:

Kenny and the Bucks vs Jericho, Ortiz, and Santana - I know nothing about Santana and Ortiz, but this match is likely to become a bloodbath, and with Kenny's weird behavior on BTE lately, I wouldn't be shocked if he turns full heel during the course of the match, making it four-on-two by the end. I hope I'm wrong and that Kenny is kind of going for an "Okada With Balloons" approach to his madness.

Nyla Rose vs Riho - Oh, I cannot wait to see this match, and I'm not picky about how I see it. I like how Nyla presents herself. I like how tough and scary she is. I like how Riho moves. I like how she knows exactly how to work a crowd and the ring. These women are going to positively destroy each other in that ring, and I would be satisfied to see the Women's Title on either one.

Hangman Page vs PAC - Please, please, please give Hangman a win? I really love the dude and I would be thrilled to see him get his own back after this losing streak. It's time.

Cody Rhodes vs Sammy Guevara - Here's a match that really shows what they mean when they keep saying that "wins and losses matter" at AEW. There are consequences if Cody loses! If Cody does not win this match, he loses his title shot. Sammy Guevara could go from being that new guy who showed up in a panda mask that one time to being the first guy in line for a title match against Jericho! Also, both of these guys are fantastic wrestlers, so this match will be awesome.

MJF vs Brandon Cutler - MJF is probably the best heel in the business right now. He's so good at being a bad guy that I literally cannot follow him on Twitter or I think my head would explode (I'm very easy to emotionally manipulate when it comes to wrestling, which is both a blessing and a curse). Brandon Cutler is a really, really nice guy. They're both good wrestlers, and with such a truly diametric opposition of attitudes and approaches, this could be a really fascinating match.

I look forward to seeing who wins and loses, how the matches go, and who the new Women's Champ is going to be!

That'll about do it for me today,

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Wednesdaymania 237: Aki Basho 2019

It's time for the fall Sumo basho - Aki Basho!

This basho, we're going to be sans Takayasu, which breaks my heart, since I love watching his reactions to the decision of the referee, or gyoji. We'll also be without Takanofuji, who is suspended pending an investigation into whether or not he attacked an attendant. This wouldn't be the first time, apparently.

In happier news, however, Hakuhou has achieved Japanese citizenship, which means that he gets to stay in Japan when he retires and start his own Dojo.

DAY 1:

• Takagenji vs Chiyomaru. Chiyomaru has beaten Takagenji in both of their previous career bouts, which was a fairly good indicator of how today's match would go. Takagenji, being Takanofuji's brother, is likely a bit distracted by the fact that his brother is facing possible expulsion over the incident with the attendant. Chiyomaru won via tsukiotoshi, or "downward thrust". These two are now 0-3.
• Takagenji is now 0-1
• Chiyomaru is now 1-0
• Yutakayama vs Tochiouzan. Of their four previous bouts, Yutakayama has won 3. This was a far more spirited grapple than the previous match, ending with Yutakayama beating Tochiouzan via kotenage, or "armlock throw". They are now 4-1 against each other.
• Yutakayama is now 1-0
• Tochiouzan is now 0-1
• Ishiura vs Azumaryuu. These two are fairly evenly matched over their five career bouts with Azumaryuu the Mongolian only coming out the better by one win. This match lasted all of about four seconds, with Azumaryuu taking the win by uwatehineri, or "twisting overarm throw". They are now 2-4 against one another.
• Ishiura is now 0-1
• Azumaryuu is now 1-0
• Tsurugishou vs Toyonoshima. I don't know that I've yet seen Tsurugishou in a basho, since I've been watching, so to know that these two have only fought once before (with Toyonoshima coming out the victor), I did not know what to expect. What I got was some good use of bulk from both men trying to use their size and weight to overcome one another before Tsurugishou beat Toyonoshima by yorikiri, or "frontal force out" - literally using his size to back Toyonoshima out of the circle. They are now 1-1 with each other. This was also Tsurugishou's first bout at Makuuchi rank.
• Tsurugishou is now 1-0
• Toyonoshima is now 0-1
• Kagayaki vs Nishikigi. These two men are fundamental sumo wrestlers. They're evenly matched across their previous twelve career bouts. This was also a real show of strength from both men, who essentially danced slowly towards the end, where Nishikigi beat Kagayaki via shitatenage, or an "underarm throw". Their record against each other is now 6-7.
• Kagayaki is now 0-1
• Nishikigi is now 1-0
• Shouhouzan vs Daishouhou. In their previous two meetings, Daishouhou has been the victor, but I wasn't sure what to expect from this battle of the "hou". Starting with explosive slaps and developing into a strong grapple where Shouhouzan's body was completely engaged, this might have been one of the more exciting matches this basho. Daishouhou fought him to a standstill before being forced nearly over the edge by Shouhouzan. Shouhouzan realized he couldn't force his opponent out for a yorikiri victory, so he instead whipped him around for a shitatenage. The two are now 1-2.
• Shouhouzan is now 1-0
• Daishouhou is now 0-1
• Ounoushou vs Enhou. Ounoushou has beaten Enhou in their only previous career meeting, but Enhou is young, hungry, wily, and deceptively small. He is easily dwarfed by all others in the ring, but like the Little Engine Who Could, he really, really can. What looked like an easy win for Ounoushou suddenly became an upset when Enhou beat him by sukuinage, or "beltless arm throw", whipping Ounoushou over the edge of the circle. The two are now evenly matched at 1-1.
• Ounoushou is now 0-1
• Enhou is now 1-0
• Sadanoumi vs Meisei. These two have met six times and Meisei has only one once. It's a messy brawl for this match, but in the end, Meisei gets his second victory over Sadanoumi via katasukashi, or "under-shoulder swing down", shoving Sadanoumi down by his shoulderblades. Their career record against each other is now 5-2.
• Sadanoumi is now 0-1
• Meisei is now 1-0
• Terutsuyoshi vs Kotoyuuki. Terutsuyoshi has beaten Kotoyuuki each of the three times they've previously fought. Today's bout was no different, with Terutsuyoshi flailing and shoving his way to victory via oshidashi, "frontal push out". They are now 4-0.
• Terutsuyoshi is now 1-0
• Kotoyuuki is now 0-1
• Takarafuji vs Kotoekou. Takarafuji took the win during the only previous meeting these two have had. This was fairly standard sumo, and Takarafuji won via yorikiri. They are now 2-0 against each other.
• Takarafuji is now 1-0
• Kotoekou is now 0-1
• Kotoshougiku vs Okinoumi. In 24 meetings, Kotoshougiku has proven himself the winner 16 times. I want to like Okinoumi more than I do, since his name reminds me of delightful savory pancakes, but he's sometimes quite bland. This match, however, reminds me of why I do quite like him. Kotoshougiku's foot slipped out of the ring before he managed to toss Okinoumi, who nearly walked away before the judges informed him that he was actually the winner via yorikiri. The two are now 16-9.
• Kotoshougiku is now 0-1
• Okinoumi is now 1-0
• Shimanoumi vs Myougiryuu. I don't know much about Shimanoumi besides that he lost to Myougiryuu the only other time they've met. The two had a good bout, but Myougiryuu still won via yorikiri. They are now 0-2.
• Shimanoumi is now 0-1
• Myougiryuu is now 1-0
• Chiyotairyuu vs Ryuuden. I like Ryuuden, but he's hit-or-miss, as his record against Chiyotairyuu indicates. The two are 2-1 with Chiyotairyuu leading. Ryuuden's long limbs were more help than hindrance in this bout, allowing him the leverage necessary to push Chiyotairyuu out via oshidashi. They are now evenly matched 2-2.
• Chiyotairyuu is now 0-1
• Ryuuden is now 1-0
• Tamawashi vs Shoudai. Mongolian Tamawashi leads in the twelve previous meetings with Shoudai at 8-4. They collide like trains, Tamawashi bulling his way to a victory via okuridashi, or "rear push out", pushing Shoudai out while the man's back is turned. They are now 9-4.
• Tamawashi is now 1-0
• Shoudai is now 0-1
• Abi vs Tomokaze. This is the first time Abi, a new favorite of mine, has faced Tomokaze. Tomokaze, however, hasn't had a losing record in 14 bashos, so... sorry Abi. Tomokaze won by hatakikomi, or "slap down" and their new record is 0-1.
• Abi is now 0-1
• Tomokaze is now 1-0
• Daieishou vs Takakeishou. These two are nearly evenly matched at 3-2. This match makes it look like they hate each other - they're slapping and beating each other like it's a battlefield and only one will survive. In the end, Takakeisho wins via tsukiyotoshi, and now he only needs nine more wins this basho to move up to the next rank, Ozeki. They are now 3:3
• Daieishou is now 0-1
• Takakeishou is now 1-0
• Mitakeumi vs Asanoyama. At 2-0 against Asanoyama, Mitakeumi should be more impressive. He's another guy who borders on vanilla. Asanoyama, however, turns the tables during this bout and wins via oshidashi. They are now 2-1.
• Mitakeumi is now 0-1
• Asanoyama is now 1-0
• Tochinoshin vs Ichinojou. This match is sad. Georgian (the country) Tochinoshin needs to retire so his legs don't fall off. He's not really a foe for Mongolian Ichinojou. It's even more depressing when you realize their record was 16-5 with Tochinoshin as the victor. Instead, we get to watch as a once-great sumo is completely obliterated via uwatenage, or "overarm throw".
• Tochinoshin is now 0-1.
• Ichinojou is now 1-0.
• Aoiyama vs Goueido. With a record like 3-22, you can guess who my favorite should have been going into this match, but Goueido has been struggling the last couple basho. And yet, there he went, defying my pessimism and tossing the enormous Bulgarian Aoiyama around to win with an oshidashi. They are now 3-23.
• Aoiyama is now 0-1
• Goueido is now 1-0
• Hokutofuji vs Hakuhou. With a career record of 1-5, you'd expect the deadly Mongolian Hakuhou to just... murder Hokutofuji. However, despite being slapped with the force of a MAC truck, Hokutofuji took out the Yokozuna Hakuhou via yorikiri. They are now 2-5. Also, unfortunately, Hakuhou had to pull out of the tournament due to injury.
• Hokutofuji is now 1-0
• Hakuhou is now 0-1.

I hope to cover the rest of the basho in the next week, but for today, I think that's enough in-depth coverage to get you interested!

Go Enjoy Something!

FC

Wednesdaymania 233: G1 Climax 29 in Sapporo

The main matches of B-Block Night 2/Night 4 overall

I didn't watch this whole card, sadly - though I'm actually going to go back and watch the matches I skipped! I just didn't have the hours to spend and watch it at the time.

So, this was the second night of B-Block matches, the fourth night of the G1 Climax tournament, and it took place at the Hokkaido Prefectural Sports Center in Sapporo. It's a beautiful arena, and our commentary team were Kevin Kelley and Rocky Romero, who are just fantastic the whole night through (or at least, throughout the matches I watched!). These matches took place on July 15, 2019.


Toru Yano vs Shingo Takagi

People give Yano a lot of guff for being a comedy character surrounded by tough guys, but I kinda dig him. Last year, he was all about fair play, but this year, he's completely insane. I mean, he's named all the turnbuckles and he uses them all as weapons whenever he can. I find it hilarious that a bunch of muscle-bound dudes are selling so hardcore against a bunch of vinyl upholstered pillows, but hey, I'm not a wrestler.

Shingo Takagi is a beast, but he's a beast with a bone to pick with Yano. Shingo is from Hokkaido/Sapporo. Yano is from Tokyo. Somehow, Yano is the goodwill ambassador to Hokkaido instead of Shingo Takagi. As one might expect, the Dragon is somewhat bitter about this and uses that rage to his advangtage throughout the match.

Early in the match, Yano grabbed a turnbuckle that Rocky told us was named "Mary" and bludgeoned Shingo with it. Later on, Yano even knocked a ref down and tried to get Shingo Takagi caught with a chair that Yano had introduced to the ring - thankfully, Bushi was a bro and showed up to distract the ref juuuuuuuuust long enough for justice to be done and Shingo Takagi pinned Toru Yano at 6:16.

This is a fun, painless match with just enough comedy to be funny and just enough wrestling to still feel legitimate. Definitely give it a watch!


Juice Robinson vs Hirooki Goto

So, Juice is much more intense this year than he has ever been. He's much quieter, verbally, but he's just as flamboyant as ever in his entrances and in-ring action. Goto, on the other hand, mostly gets teased by the commentary team telling him he should get a smaller LA Dojo t-shirt to "show off his guns".

Don't let that fool you about this match, however. This one was awesome!

Goto has learned how to kick so well that I can actually forgive him for being the wrestling equivalent of bran cereal, and he absolutely punishes Juice for most of this match. Juice sells like a starfish at one point, laying completely splayed in the middle of the ring after a particularly brutal exchange with Goto, who got so exhausted trying to beat down the indomitable spirit of Juice Robinson that he could not capitalize on the moment. Punches were exchanged to the tops of each other's heads (stop that) and headbutts were landed (STOP THAT) until Juice finally managed to land a blow from the Right Hand of God (his left hand) and deliver a Pump Friction to Goto to win in 12:23.

This match felt like it was the absolute perfect length, and I would watch it again in a heartbeat! It's an absolute contender for Match of the Night!


Jeff Cobb vs Jon Moxley

What a pair of literal beasts. Moxley came in through the crowd with Shota Umino carrying his title. He's apparently nicknamed Shota "Shooter", and I hope he takes that and runs with it when he goes on Excursion (when the Young Lions go out into the world to hone their craft), because "Shooter Umino" sounds awesome.

The match devolved into a brawl pretty quickly, ending up with Jon and Jeff out on the ramp doing terrifying spots and generally looking incredible. The ref mainly looked annoyed that they didn't care what he was telling them to do. When they eventually did get back into the ring, the match became a big beefy power move match! They would interrupt each other's strikes and power moves with more strikes and power moves and it was a joy to watch!

Jeff Cobb, by the way, has possibly the most beautiful standing moonsault in the business.

And Jon Moxley sells like he's got a trunk full of vacuums - that is to say, he sells really nicely!

In the end, Moxley hits a Draping Deathrider DDT off the center rope on Cobb and pins him for the win at 8:54.

I could've used another five minutes of these two, but that might be unfair to them both, since they looked gleefully spent by the end. They knew they'd had a fantastic match.


Tomohiro Ishii vs Jay White

Sometimes you just want to see a Stone Pitbull beat a Switchblade like a piñata. If that's the case with you, then watch this match. It's all about Ishii proving that he's not all brawn and out thinking both Gedo (who Rocky continuously refers to as "Fredo") and Jay White. The match is brutal, exciting, and really, really well executed.

I both love and hate Jay White’s beard – on the one hand, it makes him look less like a kid – on the other hand, I kinda liked that he was a megaheel with a baby face.

Ishii gave Jay a grand tour of all of his most devastating moves, which just made me appreciate even more what a generous salesman Jay is. He made it look like Ishii was actually killing him.

In a shocking turn of events, it was Ishii and not a Bullet Club member who wound up stealing the timekeeper's chair and hurling it at Jay, who was collapsed against the barricade and barely got away in time. This match was full of terrifying moments like that.

Jay, despite being pummeled within an inch of his life, still managed to be a cocky little dork by refusing to pin Ishii properly, which meant that Ishii was always able to easily kick out and continue to punish the young man.

In spit of a horrifyingly vicious DDT that saw Ishii balanced on the top of his head for a full two seconds or more, the Stone Pitbull managed to get back up and have a blistering exchange of half-formed finishers with Jay White until he threw the Switchblade down in a truly brutal Brainbuster for the win at 19:13.

This was another match that could have been Match of the Night, and if you're going to watch it, make sure you are prepared for a true battering of both men!

Final Match:
Taichi vs Naito

You read that right.

It was about what you'd expect, but horribly long. This match took 21:01 to finish, and it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

What the heck did Naito do?

Why did Taichi win?

Ugh.

Bleh.


Go Enjoy Something (especially after ending on that note :| )
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