Wednesdaymania COMMISSION: World Tour 1992

In Which I Watched Something on the Network

One of my Ko-fi patrons was kind enough to commission another WWE Network show from me recently, and they selected the World Tour 1992, which is located under their "ORIGINALS" tab. You may have to go looking for it. What follows are my realtime notes, taken as I watched this fantastic show, which means there are curse words:

World Tour 1992

Colosseum Video

Lord Alfred Hayes in London, England

First Match: High Energy Vs Beverly Bros (Koko B Ware & Owen Hart vs the Beverly bros)

• “Bird Man” is a bizarre and hilarious song
• I love Lanny Poffo trying to speak poetry at the camera despite being completely inaudible
• Owen’s in first in his WORST outfit and I love it
• Owen BITCHSLAPS the Beverly bro and wrecks his elbow. Fantastic wrestler-turned-trainer
• Awesome selling. Why is this curtain-jerker so good? Answer: Owen.
• Chunkier Beverly comes in with a strut, pesters Koko into entering the ring. I see they are chickenshit heels, hence having Lanny, who is stilllllll rhyming quietly outside.
• Ah, chunky Bev is Blake (mustache)
• WHAT IS THAT FLIPPY THING FROM THE TOP ROPE AT 5:47 ON THE NETWORK?!
• Owen was a freaking genius.
• The Beverly bros are… bland, but Owen is hot as heck, despite tagging Koko in.
• Koko is much slower, but he knows how to drive a crowd wild.
• The Beverlys are feuding with LOD which is why the crowd is going bananas.
• Huh. Reference to Pat Tanaka holding the NEVER belt in NJPW?
• Crowd is hot, despite bland bear hug spot. Frankie the bird is squawking up a storm.
• Gorilla Monsoon, on commentary implying that the bird is legit Koko’s manager and gives him advice in the ring lol.
• This match is… a bit too long for its own good. It’s only 8 minutes in and I already want it over.
• Owen could wrestle this whole match for the four of them :|
• Gorilla unflatteringly compares the Genius to Frankie, saying Frankie has added more to the match.
• VOLCANIC HOT TAG FOR OWEN. Owen clears house!
• Beverly Bros DQ themselves by bashing Owen with the Genius’s clipboard scroll, attempt to batter koko in the ring, Koko clears house, Owen slams a bev into the post.
• 1:57-12:33 (11:36?)
• Very fun

Break with Bobby Heenan! And Lord Alfred in the Queen’s Box at Royal Albert Hall, Bobby being as crass as any American can be. “This is where the Queen hangs her hat!” lol

Bobby insinuates they have tractor pulls, Alfred objects strenuously and informs him that rather than tractor pulls, they host the philharmonic… and WWF matches…

We join a 20 man battle royal where Davy Boy is chucking Typhoon but the Mountie punches his nuts, then both men double-team British Bulldog. Mountie gets eliminated on DB’s comeback, which is halted by Typhoon, but Davy wins by shouldering under Typhoon's gut and carefully letting Typhoon’s momentum carry him out of the ring. Win!

14:10-16:50 (2:40 for the segment played)

I did not count the battles royal as separate matches as they were all joined-in-progress, which makes timekeeping a true pain.

We are now on Caunce Ln as Davy comes out of a house that’s very pleasant. Alfred interviews Davy’s parents. They’re adorable. Davy says he eats like a family of six, puts his mother over. Adorable. Sid, his dad, says Davy was rough as a child and is very quietly proud of his boy. He looks like Scotty from Star Trek. His mom looks like a forgotten Golden Girl.

Second Match: Davy Boy vs Repo Man

• Worcester is where they are
• Repo comes in hot, and there’s a cool shot panning up from his repo hook up to the Bulldog being thrown into the corner.
• Repo sells like mad for some nice dropkicks and mounts a good offense, which he sells as hurting him just as much as Davy bc of Davy’s muscles.
• Seriously, Repo is selling really really well here.
• Some of Davy’s hair is slowly coming out of his tiny braids and it kinda looks like a perm.
• Gorilla tells Alfred that he rather likes his accent and wishes it wasn’t disappearing slowly in America.
• Man, Barry Darsow (Repo) is vocalizing like Lex Luger lol “Oh! OH!” lol
• Bulldog has him in a series of rest holds now. Darsow sells these well.
• Aloha Davy, but then he punches Darsow, who gets his revenge with a punch and then a beautiful suplex, though he may have pulled his upper arm.
• Another artistic focus shot on the hook passing focus between the hook in the foreground and the match behind it. Lovely.
• This isn’t perhaps the most rapid of matches, but it’s got some good meat and potatoes. Repo’s stops look brutal.
• Repo choking in front of Hebner, but Davy denies his piledriver attempt.
• I can’t tell if we’ve gone past selling but boy is there not much light in these moves.
• Still that delayed suplex is fantastic, though Repo didn’t sell much and Schoolboy’d him.
• Running power slam wins it for Davy!
• 19:04-25:53 (6:49)

Cut to Davy walking around with the most 90s of 90s British kids. 1/3 of these kids have on enviable 90s windbreaker tracksuits, some have those 90s sweaters/sweatshirts we all miss, and the rest are oozing “WE’RE BRITISH, LOOK MUMMY I’M ON THE TELLY!”

They go to the school Davy went to, hanging out at the boys’ entrance.

Davy’s zubas game is strong, and his fanny pack (er, hip pouch if you’re British) is on his hip rather than his waist. His shirt is made up of spare plaid that someone had laying around the shop.

Third Match: British Bulldog (with Winston the bulldog!) vs The Warlord

• Warlord is bald and massive, but Davy is also massive, so they match, though Warlord looks a wee bit bigger
• It’s a hoss fight – lots of shoulder checking until Warlord rolls out of the ring to get yelled at by… Slick? Why was Warlord with Slick?!
• I like the elbows from Warlord
• Ends with Davy lugging Warlord around like a sack of flour for a bit, which is super impressive, then slams him down and pins him.
• Pretty good hoss fight :)
• 28:08-36:28 (8:20)

Cut to changing of the guards at Buckingham palace and Lord Alfred.

Segment: At Home With El Matador Tito Santana

• Tito’s home… looks like a cheap hotel room someone decorated by memory from that time they saw Zorro as a very young kid who was home sick with a high fever. There are cheap candles in cheap spiral-carved candlesticks, an ugly lamp, a dagger on the wall next to a truly hideous… carved? Panel painting of a bullfight, some fake plants, I think that might be a pinata and an ugly chair with a creepy face on it. In short, it’s very 1990s WWE and faintly, insultingly racist.
• Home is very important with Tito. He has some “family heirlooms” including a dollar store sombrero he claims belonged to “a member of (his) family when he rode with Pancho Villa” (?!?!)
• The ugly carving/painting is apparently supposed to be his Great Great Grandfather “El (Sevito?)” in the late 1800s fighting El Torito the bull.
• There’s a freakin huge fiesta going on for Tito, everyone chanting and singing and dancing and it’s really ridiculous.
• Tito is going for wholesome and it’s all ruined by the very obviously intercut scenes of a bullfight and himself, which aren’t even the same film.
• He plays with a “spara” (the dagger they use to torture the bulls). It’s very ornate. It apparently was his Great Great Great Grandfather’s, and he got it from Spain.
• Ends with a threat to bring the dagger to the ring and a big OLE!

Fourth Match – Roddy Piper vs The Barbarian

• I’m beginning to think they meant it to be Alfred going around the world but they ran out of money in England, and since they didn’t want to put every British Bulldog match on VHS at once, they just started throwing random stuff on it.
• This is happening in Spain, apparently
• Barbarian looks… surprisingly good, despite the fact that he’s wearing a skinned bigfoot costume.
• Alfred and Shawn Mooney on commentary, very fun
• The crowd is losing their minds over Piper, who looks pretty alert!
• Definitely got the semi-mullet going
• Gaaaaaasssssssssssed up (Piper looks like he's on some serious steroids)
• Big staredown, ref has to break it up. This is all before the bell rings.
• Starts with a huge embracing brawl, which the ref, the late great Joey Marella, got between
• More embrawlsing
• Crowd really liked piper slamming his fists on barbarian’s chest lol
• Piper gets a very theatrical side headlock on barbarian, crowd goes nuts
• Barbarian ignores slingshot shoulderchecks and flexes, then demands a test of strength
• It’s not going great for Piper, who is already blown up lol
• Piper literally crumples and rolls out of the TOS
• Tosses Barbarian out over the ropes precariously close to the stairs
• Mooney’s voice is very clear, while Alfred’s is a bit whispier
• This is a very vocal mask, especially with Piper’s moaning and groaning and growling.
• Barbarian’s backbreaker looked rough, but Piper broke free.
• Barbarian is targeting Piper’s back with a bearhug now. Piper is really hamming it up.
• Man are they oily/sweaty
• Joey Marella, Gorilla's son, was a really good ref.
• Piper earclaps his way out of the hold, clambers to Bret’s Rope only to be caught in another bearhug lol
• While this isn’t my favorite sequence in a match, it’s really well thought out and makes sense for these opponents – Piper fights dirty and clever, Barbarian is slow but powerful, so B tries to ground P by rupturing his spine and P is trying to survive
• P tumbles out of the ring – scary dude.
• Aloha Barbarian drops to his knees and after getting his pin denied (he held the ropes) gets schoolboy’d by Piper who wins.
• (44:18-53:15) (8:59)

At 54 min in, suddenly El Matador is punching the Mountie

Ah, it’s another Battle Royal, this one in Munich, Germany, joined in progress

El Matador is out, now Bret Hart is battering Mountie, British Bulldog having fun, it’s a big battle royal.

Bret is tossed out

Oh, poor Repo man going against Hawk

Hawk flies out of the ring

Col Mustafa out

this is a pee break match if ever I’ve seen one lol

Everyone’s chanting USA, but only the Mountie and Davy aren’t American

I believe this is also Shawn Mooney and Lord Alfred on commentary

Yeah, that’s Mooney.

Sags tosses Hacksaw

Mountie has reinserted himself?

Everyone is 1000000x Gassed

Let’s go home guys (my reaction)

Bye Repo (tossed by Sgt Slaughter)

Mountie chucks Linkara’s dad (Slaughter)

Jimmy Hart chucks the shock stick to Mountie, who accidentally shocks Sags(?) out of the ring and Davy tosses him after. Davy wins.

(54:00-1:03:53) (9:53)

We are now at a portrait of her majesty Queen Victoria with a lovely red and cream gown in a garden.

Bobby calls it a prom dress, asks who the artist is, makes a ham joke, and then mistakes it for a paint-by-numbers. Never change Bobby.

Fifth Match: Sgt Slaughter vs the Model Rick Martel

• Ah, this is while Martel is feuding with Tatanka and has stolen his sacred eagle feathers
• btw, that’s a federal crime
• even beyond the theft
• Possession of Eagle feathers is very, very restricted, unless you’re Native.
• Martel is NOT Native American (duh)
• Leadup to Summerslam at Wembley Stadium!
• Alfred is bananas over the Model, Gorilla is… less so lol
• Even Gorilla is impressed by Martel’s physique
• Then he jokes about Martel being lubed up to “Swim the English Channel” lol
• Martel has a lot of energy, which he needs in order to make Sgt Slaughter look quicker than he is.
• Slaughter is using his thighs, which is… certainly a thing lol
• I dunno, Martel not protecting himself from the “bash Martel’s head into the turnbuckle” spot is a bit scary, and boy have I seen a lot of wrestlers lose careers over the shoulder-to-the-ring-post move…
• Still, this is good psychology on Slaughter’s part, working the pre-bruised shoulder like this.
• I love that the Atomic Drop was considered more than a transitional move. I mean, it would really stop someone in their tracks if you shoved your kneecap into their tailbone in real life, but it just looks silly.
• The Cobra Clutch on the other hand, could be very scary if it weren’t so very obviously put on with the least amount of force possible (if you actually squeezed, you’d kill a man by cutting off both arteries in the neck!!!)
• But nay, the model’s atomizer of Arrogance perfume was used as a weapon while the ref was turned away, and Martel wins.
• Match felt longer than it was, but told a good story the whole time.
• (1:08:21-1:16:08) (7:47)

Sixth Match: El Matador vs Kato

• I have just noticed Tito’s pink hair scrunchie and can now think of nothing else
• Boy is the anti-Asian racism WWE is known for on full display while Alfred and Gorilla discuss Mr Fuji and Kato. Lazy mispronunciations of Kato’s name with flippant “who cares” attitude, “Land of the Rising Sun” talk because no one knows the names of Asian nations that aren’t China or Japan, just… they always sucked at talking about Asia.
• Kato is, of course, played by Paul Diamond, who was actually Croatian (born Tomas Boric), though you might know him better as the other guy who played Max Moon lol.
• These two have zero chemistry together. I could see that being because Tito was… unamused by the blatant racism involved in having a Croatian guy play someone who was supposed to be Japanese, but you never know with wrestlers… I mean, Tito’s a Texan being billed from a city that doesn’t exist (is Tocula just Toluca but the white as white writers can’t spell?). Heck, Tito has more experience with Japan than Diamond, since he was at least trained by Hiro Matsuda…
• Diamond is, however, a pretty good wrestler.
• Danny Davis is a very assertive referee
• Neither Alfred nor Gorilla will say Kato’s name correctly :|
• Tito eventually pins Kato, but boy did this match feel long due to the commentary. I’m sure back in 92 this was funny, but today it doesn’t fly as well.
• I will say that Tito’s theme makes me think of Herb Alpert, which makes me very very happy
• (1:18:00-1:24:00) (6:00)

Seventh Match: Macho Man Randy Savage vs Shawn Michaels

• Hey, Mike McGuirk! The ACTUAL first female ring announcer in WWE! She’s great!
• Oh, and I think I’ve seen this match before – I recognize Sherri’s white poofy dress and face-spangles. If it’s the one I’m thinking of, it’ll be amazing.
• Match is taking place in Munich, Germany
• Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred on commentary
• This is early in Michaels’ career, bc Sherri is still singing the theme
• Macho is alone and dayglo
• It’s truly unfair that of these three, Shawn is the one still around.
• Mooney had no idea that America isn’t the only nation with immigrants and tourists, as he’s surprised how many non-white and non-German fans there are in Germany.
• Shawn opens with a lunge like a bored cat, and that’s a good thing lol
• Macho has a limp bc of how rough the European tour has been
• Sherri is distracting as heck because of how beautiful she was
• This match is off to a slightly slow start by modern standards, but it’s still really fun and well-thought-out.
• Macho is desperate to protect his leg, throws a chair into the ring! Wow!
• Ref trying to take the chair, Sherri punches Macho in the calf, screaming loudly for Shawn to “give it to him!” lollllll
• GIVEITTO’IM SHUOAAAAAWWWWWWNNNNN C’MUONNNNN
• Strike heavy match. I wonder if Shawn is calling it or if Macho plotted it out?
• Macho’s flying axe handle might have resulted in his leg being truly borked
• Great match
• Alfred talks about how the match had to be ok’d by the physician, but I think the WWE physician was Zahorian, I think, who was prescribing drugs for fun and bodybuilding at this point.
• Shawn tries to leave, gets dragged back
• Sherri tries to distract Macho on the apron, but he grabs her and waits for Michaels to run up to them. When Shawn gets there, Macho dodges and leaves Sherri to take the brunt of Michaels’ attack. Total Heel move for a Face lol
• Shawn brings Macho’s bad leg down on his knee. Sherri is apparently fine, since she’s wailing for Shawn to beat Macho on the outside lol
• I won’t give away everything, because this is a match well worth watching.
• It is slow by modern standards, but it’s great storytelling, and it’s quite brutal when you think about how each move and blow must feel on an injured leg
• Macho does win this match, but boy is it by the skin of his teeth!
• Sherri pitches an incredible hissy by chucking Mike McGuirk out of her chair by the scruff of her neck, stealing the chair, tossing it into the ring, and rolling in herself. Sherri wallops macho with the chair, Shawn chucks Joey Marella (the ref) out of the ring, slamming the chair on Macho’s leg, and assaults the officials as they come to the ring. It’s a fantastic sore-loser attack. Also, Shawn just battered the kayfabe President of WWE Jack Tunney.
• (1:27:52-1:42:21) (14:29)

We end with Alfred back in front of Tower Bridge, bowler, bowtie, brolly and all. He delivers his genteel outtro and we are finished with this Colosseum Home video.

What a fantastic watch. At 1:44:50 (nearly 1.75 hours!) it can be a bit overwhelming, so I’d strongly suggest breaking it up into a pair of viewing sessions broken up by a meal. Maybe start watching it before lunch, then settle back into it afterwards. It’s not boring, not in the least, but if you are used to the zippy, high-octane matches of today, it is absolutely a culture shock going back to the real meat and potatoes style of the 90s.

8/10 would watch again, but preferably with friends so we can nerd out about the history and storytelling with each other!

I hope that review of what I watched was entertaining to you guys, and I'd strongly recommend going to check it out! It's just called World Tour 1992, so look for that :)

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