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| In Which I Watched Something on the Network |
One of my Ko-fi patrons was kind enough to commission another WWE Network show from me recently, and they selected the
World Tour 1992, which is located under their "ORIGINALS" tab. You may have to go looking for it. What follows are my realtime notes, taken as I watched this fantastic show, which means there are curse words:
World Tour 1992
Colosseum Video
Lord Alfred Hayes in
London, England
First Match: High
Energy Vs Beverly Bros (Koko B Ware & Owen Hart vs the Beverly
bros)
- “Bird Man” is a
bizarre and hilarious song
- I love Lanny Poffo
trying to speak poetry at the camera despite being completely
inaudible
- Owen’s in first in
his WORST outfit and I love it
- Owen BITCHSLAPS the
Beverly bro and wrecks his elbow. Fantastic wrestler-turned-trainer
- Awesome selling. Why
is this curtain-jerker so good? Answer: Owen.
- Chunkier Beverly
comes in with a strut, pesters Koko into entering the ring. I see
they are chickenshit heels, hence having Lanny, who is stilllllll
rhyming quietly outside.
- Ah, chunky Bev is
Blake (mustache)
- WHAT IS THAT FLIPPY
THING FROM THE TOP ROPE AT 5:47 ON THE NETWORK?!
- Owen was a freaking
genius.
- The Beverly bros
are… bland, but Owen is hot as heck, despite tagging Koko in.
- Koko is much slower,
but he knows how to drive a crowd wild.
- The Beverlys are
feuding with LOD which is why the crowd is going bananas.
- Huh. Reference to
Pat Tanaka holding the NEVER belt in NJPW?
- Crowd is hot,
despite bland bear hug spot. Frankie the bird is squawking up a
storm.
- Gorilla Monsoon, on
commentary implying that the bird is legit Koko’s manager and gives
him advice in the ring lol.
- This match is… a
bit too long for its own good. It’s only 8 minutes in and I already
want it over.
- Owen could wrestle
this whole match for the four of them :|
- Gorilla
unflatteringly compares the Genius to Frankie, saying Frankie has
added more to the match.
- VOLCANIC HOT TAG FOR
OWEN. Owen clears house!
- Beverly Bros DQ
themselves by bashing Owen with the Genius’s clipboard scroll,
attempt to batter koko in the ring, Koko clears house, Owen slams a
bev into the post.
- 1:57-12:33 (11:36?)
- Very fun
Break with Bobby
Heenan! And Lord Alfred in the Queen’s Box at Royal Albert Hall,
Bobby being as crass as any American can be. “This is where the
Queen hangs her hat!” lol
Bobby insinuates
they have tractor pulls, Alfred objects strenuously and informs him
that rather than tractor pulls, they host the philharmonic… and WWF matches…
We join a 20 man
battle royal where Davy Boy is chucking Typhoon but the Mountie punches his nuts, then both men double-team British Bulldog. Mountie gets eliminated on DB’s comeback, which is halted by Typhoon, but
Davy wins by shouldering under Typhoon's gut and carefully letting
Typhoon’s momentum carry him out of the ring. Win!
14:10-16:50 (2:40 for the segment played)
I did not count the battles royal as separate matches as they were all joined-in-progress, which makes timekeeping a true pain.
We are now on Caunce Ln
as Davy comes out of a house that’s very pleasant. Alfred
interviews Davy’s parents. They’re adorable. Davy says he eats
like a family of six, puts his mother over. Adorable. Sid, his dad,
says Davy was rough as a child and is very quietly proud of his boy.
He looks like Scotty from Star Trek. His mom looks like a forgotten
Golden Girl.
Second Match: Davy
Boy vs Repo Man
- Worcester is where
they are
- Repo comes in hot,
and there’s a cool shot panning up from his repo hook up to the
Bulldog being thrown into the corner.
- Repo sells like mad
for some nice dropkicks and mounts a good offense, which he sells as
hurting him just as much as Davy bc of Davy’s muscles.
- Seriously, Repo is
selling really really well here.
- Some of Davy’s
hair is slowly coming out of his tiny braids and it kinda looks like
a perm.
- Gorilla tells Alfred
that he rather likes his accent and wishes it wasn’t disappearing
slowly in America.
- Man, Barry Darsow
(Repo) is vocalizing like Lex Luger lol “Oh! OH!” lol
- Bulldog has him in a
series of rest holds now. Darsow sells these well.
- Aloha Davy, but
then he punches Darsow, who gets his revenge with a punch and then a
beautiful suplex, though he may have pulled his upper arm.
- Another artistic
focus shot on the hook passing focus between the hook in the
foreground and the match behind it. Lovely.
- This isn’t perhaps
the most rapid of matches, but it’s got some good meat and
potatoes. Repo’s stops look brutal.
- Repo choking in
front of Hebner, but Davy denies his piledriver attempt.
- I can’t tell if
we’ve gone past selling but boy is there not much light in these
moves.
- Still that delayed
suplex is fantastic, though Repo didn’t sell much and Schoolboy’d
him.
- Running power slam
wins it for Davy!
- 19:04-25:53 (6:49)
Cut to Davy walking
around with the most 90s of 90s British kids. 1/3 of these kids have
on enviable 90s windbreaker tracksuits, some have those 90s
sweaters/sweatshirts we all miss, and the rest are oozing “WE’RE
BRITISH, LOOK MUMMY I’M ON THE TELLY!”
They go to the
school Davy went to, hanging out at the boys’ entrance.
Davy’s zubas game
is strong, and his fanny pack (er, hip pouch if you’re British) is
on his hip rather than his waist. His shirt is made up of spare plaid
that someone had laying around the shop.
Third Match: British
Bulldog (with Winston the bulldog!) vs The Warlord
- Warlord is bald and
massive, but Davy is also massive, so they match, though Warlord
looks a wee bit bigger
- It’s a hoss fight
– lots of shoulder checking until Warlord rolls out of the ring to
get yelled at by… Slick? Why was Warlord with Slick?!
- I like the elbows
from Warlord
- Ends with Davy
lugging Warlord around like a sack of flour for a bit, which is super
impressive, then slams him down and pins him.
- Pretty good hoss
fight :)
- 28:08-36:28 (8:20)
Cut to changing of
the guards at Buckingham palace and Lord Alfred.
Segment: At Home
With El Matador Tito Santana
- Tito’s home…
looks like a cheap hotel room someone decorated by memory from that
time they saw Zorro as a very young kid who was home sick with a high
fever. There are cheap candles in cheap spiral-carved candlesticks,
an ugly lamp, a dagger on the wall next to a truly hideous… carved?
Panel painting of a bullfight, some fake plants, I think that might
be a pinata and an ugly chair with a creepy face on it. In short,
it’s very 1990s WWE and faintly, insultingly racist.
- Home is very
important with Tito. He has some “family heirlooms” including a
dollar store sombrero he claims belonged to “a member of (his)
family when he rode with Pancho Villa” (?!?!)
- The ugly
carving/painting is apparently supposed to be his Great Great
Grandfather “El (Sevito?)” in the late 1800s fighting El Torito
the bull.
- There’s a freakin
huge fiesta going on for Tito, everyone chanting and singing and
dancing and it’s really ridiculous.
- Tito is going for
wholesome and it’s all ruined by the very obviously intercut scenes
of a bullfight and himself, which aren’t even the same film.
- He plays with a
“spara” (the dagger they use to torture the bulls). It’s very
ornate. It apparently was his Great Great Great Grandfather’s, and
he got it from Spain.
- Ends with a threat
to bring the dagger to the ring and a big OLE!
Fourth Match –
Roddy Piper vs The Barbarian
- I’m beginning to
think they meant it to be Alfred going around the world but they ran
out of money in England, and since they didn’t want to put every
British Bulldog match on VHS at once, they just started throwing
random stuff on it.
- This
is happening in Spain, apparently
- Barbarian
looks… surprisingly good, despite the fact that he’s wearing a
skinned bigfoot costume.
- Alfred
and Shawn Mooney on commentary, very fun
- The
crowd is losing their minds over Piper, who looks pretty alert!
- Definitely
got the semi-mullet going
- Gaaaaaasssssssssssed
up (Piper looks like he's on some serious steroids)
- Big
staredown, ref has to break it up. This is all before the bell rings.
- Starts
with a huge embracing brawl, which the ref, the late great Joey
Marella, got between
- More
embrawlsing
- Crowd
really liked piper slamming his fists on barbarian’s chest lol
- Piper
gets a very theatrical side headlock on barbarian, crowd goes nuts
- Barbarian
ignores slingshot shoulderchecks and flexes, then demands a test of
strength
- It’s
not going great for Piper, who is already blown up lol
- Piper
literally crumples and rolls out of the TOS
- Tosses
Barbarian out over the ropes precariously close to the stairs
- Mooney’s
voice is very clear, while Alfred’s is a bit whispier
- This
is a very vocal mask, especially with Piper’s moaning and groaning
and growling.
- Barbarian’s
backbreaker looked rough, but Piper broke free.
- Barbarian
is targeting Piper’s back with a bearhug now. Piper is really
hamming it up.
- Man
are they oily/sweaty
- Joey Marella, Gorilla's son, was a really good ref.
- Piper
earclaps his way out of the hold, clambers to Bret’s Rope only to
be caught in another bearhug lol
- While
this isn’t my favorite sequence in a match, it’s really well
thought out and makes sense for these opponents – Piper fights
dirty and clever, Barbarian is slow but powerful, so B tries to
ground P by rupturing his spine and P is trying to survive
- P
tumbles out of the ring – scary dude.
- Aloha
Barbarian drops to his knees and after getting his pin denied (he
held the ropes) gets schoolboy’d by Piper who wins.
- (44:18-53:15)
(8:59)
At
54 min in, suddenly El Matador is punching the Mountie
Ah,
it’s another Battle Royal, this one in Munich, Germany, joined in
progress
El
Matador is out, now Bret Hart is battering Mountie,
British Bulldog having fun, it’s a big battle royal.
Bret
is tossed out
Oh,
poor Repo man going against Hawk
Hawk
flies out of the ring
Col
Mustafa out
this
is a pee break match if ever I’ve seen one lol
Everyone’s
chanting USA, but only the Mountie and Davy aren’t American
I
believe this is also Shawn Mooney and Lord Alfred on commentary
Yeah,
that’s Mooney.
Sags
tosses Hacksaw
Mountie
has reinserted himself?
Everyone
is 1000000x Gassed
Let’s
go home guys (my reaction)
Bye
Repo (tossed by Sgt Slaughter)
Mountie
chucks Linkara’s dad (Slaughter)
Jimmy
Hart chucks the shock stick to Mountie, who accidentally shocks
Sags(?) out of the ring and Davy tosses him after. Davy wins.
(54:00-1:03:53)
(9:53)
We
are now at a portrait of her majesty Queen Victoria with a lovely red
and cream gown in a garden.
Bobby
calls it a prom dress, asks who the artist is, makes a ham joke, and
then mistakes it for a paint-by-numbers. Never change Bobby.
Fifth
Match: Sgt Slaughter vs the Model Rick Martel
- Ah,
this is while Martel is feuding with Tatanka and has stolen his
sacred eagle feathers
- btw,
that’s a federal crime
- even
beyond the theft
- Possession
of Eagle feathers is very, very restricted, unless you’re Native.
- Martel
is NOT Native American (duh)
- Leadup
to Summerslam at Wembley Stadium!
- Alfred
is bananas over the Model, Gorilla is… less so lol
- Even
Gorilla is impressed by Martel’s physique
- Then
he jokes about Martel being lubed up to “Swim the English Channel”
lol
- Martel
has a lot of energy, which he needs in order to make Sgt Slaughter
look quicker than he is.
- Slaughter
is using his thighs, which is… certainly a thing lol
- I
dunno, Martel not protecting himself from the “bash Martel’s head
into the turnbuckle” spot is a bit scary, and boy have I seen a lot
of wrestlers lose careers over the shoulder-to-the-ring-post move…
- Still,
this is good psychology on Slaughter’s part, working the
pre-bruised shoulder like this.
- I
love that the Atomic Drop was considered more than a transitional
move. I mean, it would really stop someone in their tracks if you
shoved your kneecap into their tailbone in real life, but it just
looks silly.
- The
Cobra Clutch on the other hand, could be very scary if it weren’t
so very obviously put on with the least amount of force possible (if
you actually squeezed, you’d kill a man by cutting off both
arteries in the neck!!!)
- But
nay, the model’s atomizer of Arrogance perfume was used as a weapon
while the ref was turned away, and Martel wins.
- Match
felt longer than it was, but told a good story the whole time.
- (1:08:21-1:16:08)
(7:47)
Sixth
Match: El Matador vs Kato
- I
have just noticed Tito’s pink hair scrunchie and can now think of
nothing else
- Boy
is the anti-Asian racism WWE is known for on full display while
Alfred and Gorilla discuss Mr Fuji and Kato. Lazy mispronunciations
of Kato’s name with flippant “who cares” attitude, “Land of
the Rising Sun” talk because no one knows the names of Asian
nations that aren’t China or Japan, just… they always sucked at
talking about Asia.
- Kato
is, of course, played by Paul Diamond, who was actually Croatian
(born Tomas Boric), though you might know him better as the other guy
who played Max Moon lol.
- These
two have zero chemistry together. I could see that being because Tito
was… unamused by the blatant racism involved in having a Croatian
guy play someone who was supposed to be Japanese, but you never know
with wrestlers… I mean, Tito’s a Texan being billed from a city
that doesn’t exist (is Tocula just Toluca but the white as white
writers can’t spell?). Heck, Tito has more experience with Japan
than Diamond, since he was at least trained by Hiro Matsuda…
- Diamond
is, however, a pretty good wrestler.
- Danny
Davis is a very assertive referee
- Neither
Alfred nor Gorilla will say Kato’s name correctly :|
- Tito
eventually pins Kato, but boy did this match feel long due to the
commentary. I’m sure back in 92 this was funny, but today it
doesn’t fly as well.
- I
will say that Tito’s theme makes me think of Herb Alpert, which
makes me very very happy
- (1:18:00-1:24:00)
(6:00)
Seventh
Match: Macho Man Randy Savage vs Shawn Michaels
- Hey,
Mike McGuirk! The ACTUAL
first female ring announcer in WWE! She’s great!
- Oh,
and I think I’ve seen this match before – I recognize Sherri’s
white poofy dress and face-spangles. If it’s the one I’m thinking
of, it’ll be amazing.
- Match
is taking place in Munich, Germany
- Sean
Mooney and Lord Alfred on commentary
- This
is early in Michaels’ career, bc Sherri is still singing the theme
- Macho
is alone and dayglo
- It’s
truly unfair that of these three, Shawn is the one still around.
- Mooney
had no idea that America isn’t the only nation with immigrants and
tourists, as he’s surprised how many non-white and non-German fans
there are in Germany.
- Shawn
opens with a lunge like a bored cat, and that’s a good thing lol
- Macho
has a limp bc of how rough the European tour has been
- Sherri
is distracting as heck because of how beautiful she was
- This
match is off to a slightly slow start by modern standards, but it’s
still really fun and well-thought-out.
- Macho
is desperate to protect his leg, throws a chair into the ring! Wow!
- Ref
trying to take the chair, Sherri punches Macho in the calf, screaming
loudly for Shawn to “give it to him!” lollllll
- GIVEITTO’IM
SHUOAAAAAWWWWWWNNNNN C’MUONNNNN
- Strike
heavy match. I wonder if Shawn is calling it or if Macho plotted it
out?
- Macho’s
flying axe handle might have resulted in his leg being truly borked
- Great
match
- Alfred
talks about how the match had to be ok’d by the physician, but I think the
WWE physician was Zahorian, I think, who was prescribing drugs for fun and bodybuilding at this
point.
- Shawn
tries to leave, gets dragged back
- Sherri
tries to distract Macho on the apron, but he grabs her and waits for
Michaels to run up to them. When Shawn gets there, Macho dodges and
leaves Sherri to take the brunt of Michaels’ attack. Total Heel
move for a Face lol
- Shawn
brings Macho’s bad leg down on his knee. Sherri is apparently fine,
since she’s wailing for Shawn to beat Macho on the outside lol
- I
won’t give away everything, because this is a match well worth
watching.
- It
is slow by modern standards, but it’s great storytelling, and it’s
quite brutal when you think about how each move and blow must feel on
an injured leg
- Macho
does win this match, but boy is it by the skin of his teeth!
- Sherri
pitches an incredible hissy by chucking Mike McGuirk out of her chair
by the scruff of her neck, stealing the chair, tossing it into the
ring, and rolling in herself. Sherri wallops macho with the chair,
Shawn chucks Joey Marella (the ref) out of the ring, slamming the
chair on Macho’s leg, and assaults the officials as they come to
the ring. It’s a fantastic sore-loser attack. Also, Shawn just
battered the kayfabe President of WWE Jack Tunney.
- (1:27:52-1:42:21)
(14:29)
We
end with Alfred back in front of Tower Bridge, bowler, bowtie, brolly
and all. He delivers his genteel outtro and we are finished with this
Colosseum Home video.
What
a fantastic watch. At 1:44:50 (nearly 1.75 hours!) it can be a bit
overwhelming, so I’d strongly suggest breaking it up into a pair of
viewing sessions broken up by a meal. Maybe start watching it before
lunch, then settle back into it afterwards. It’s not boring, not in
the least, but if you are used to the zippy, high-octane matches of
today, it is absolutely a culture shock going back to the real meat
and potatoes style of the 90s.
8/10
would watch again, but preferably with friends so we can nerd out
about the history and storytelling with each other!
I hope that review of what I watched was entertaining to you guys, and I'd strongly recommend going to check it out! It's just called
World Tour 1992, so look for that :)
Now Go Enjoy
Something!
FC
