Filmic Friday 16

So I wanted to write this while sitting on my couch, wrapped in blankets, but the cat had other ideas. She was very snuggly and lovey, but the second I had to get up to take care of something, she had hunkered down in my spot and hogged the thicker blankets. So I, being the person in charge, am now sitting in a recliner with a thinner fleece blanket and she, my charge, is in a tent made from a thick Patriots blanket with a thicker printed blanket with bears and trees on it as a nest. But I totally don't spoil her.

Regardless, it's time to talk about movies! And since I'm not a Teens In Trouble person, between our attempt to sit through Ed Wood's The Violent Years and our attempt to get through Laserblast, I'd rather talk about Laserblast.

Aw yis

I say attempts because I bowed out of The Violent Years pretty early (I just... I need way more than just Z & me to watch either Ed Wood's writing or a teens-in-trouble picture), and Z fell asleep partway through Laserblast. Between the two of us, there were maybe 1.25 MST3Ks watched. Maybe.

Film & Editing Friendo was not available, nor were our other two movie-watching friends, so we wound up watching an MST up in Z's room and snoozing.

Me, I could watch Laserblast 1000x, but Z needs to be in the mood and wasn't. Thus the nap. Z could watch Ed Wood movies forever, but I have to have backup support in the form of a larger audience, thus me begging off. I promised we'd watch it another time, though, and I meant it. Just... I wasn't in the mood last week.

Now, the story of Laserblast is basically this: Some dweeb in the desert finds an alien laser cannon that possesses him and makes him go on a murderous rampage. That's it. There are awesome claymation aliens, hick sheriff's deputies, Eddie Deezen being a dingus, and Roddy McDowall. Also it's the 70s, so... lots of uncomfortable shirtlessness and bad plaid.

The lead character, Billy Duncan, is played by Kim Milford, who was apparently in a lot of stuff. He was a singer/songwriter in a band called "Moon", and he was in his 20s when he shot Laserblast. You may be wondering why I'm giving this guy the time of day. That's because it sucks that ten years after the bomb that was Laserblast, Kim Milford died of Heart Failure. Damn. I mean, this guy was on the original LA soundtrack for Rocky Horror Picture Show four years before this cinematic dumpster fire. Yikes. Considering how much... fuller... he seems in this movie, I have to wonder if maybe he was suffering from a heart condition before the surgery that ultimately ended his life?

Or maybe it was something else. It was the 1970s after all.

Regardless, Milford is doing his best with a pretty awful script, so I give him props for that.

See what I mean about inappropriate shirtlessness?

This MST has some punch, guys. It just keeps giving. From the bad, bad, bad makeup on Kim Milford to the "ready for some FOOTBALL!" callbacks throughout the film to the now-infamous "thunderbucket", it's just... it's really funny guys. I promise!

That can't have been comfortable. At all. 1970s contacts terrify me.

This man is absolutely ready for some FOOTBALL!

Now, as for the aliens, I'm going to show you the titular Laserblast(er) first, then the aliens, because the props department cared far less than the animators did.

That's it. That's the laser cannon he goes nuts with.

Even the aliens are offended that this weapon gets the title and not them.
Seriously, though, they're super expressive and the movement on them is pretty good.
Also, they're freaking adorable and I want one.

This cast is way too good for this movie, too. I don't like Eddie Deezen 90% of the time, and this movie has him being extra-obnoxious. Z just wants to steel his shirt, I'm pretty sure, since it's pretty nice.

I'm pretty sure he gets a red one later.
Just realized that's the Craft Services truck behind him, I'm pretty sure.

And then there's Roddy McDowall, who I adore, but is in a nothing role here as a doctor. Spoilers: don't get attached.

He's totally looking at the structure of the leg...
(someday we'll talk about that joke)

I'm not going to dig around for it, but perhaps my favorite part of the movie is where he blows up a Star Wars billboard. Someone honestly believed this 2.6 star movie was going to blow Star Wars out of the water.

They believed a movie about a dork in the desert blowing people up for stupid reasons with a stupid looking gun was going to dethrone the largest Sci-Fi epic of all time.

The believed Laserblast was comparable to Star Wars.

Oh Laserblast... never change.

I think that'll do it for me - I leave it to you to watch this movie, either with the MST3K over it (which is hilarious - seriously, the riffs are strong with this one) or on its own (which can be much harder). If you're curious, here's what the bluray cover looks like:

Oh man. The art on the alien blows.

I leave you with a parting shot of the expressive, shell-less turtles from outer space:

Awww, they're charmed by how stupid humans are.

Now, go Enjoy Something!
FC