Wednesdaymania 18

I'll be doing my commissioned PPV soon, but for now, allow me to present the glory that is NJPW: King of Pro Wrestling 2018.

This will absolutely contain spoilers. Watch this first if that bugs you!

This was a fantastic card full of fantastic matches and absolutely terrifying spots. Seriously, I cringed and/or had to look away multiple times.

As is usually the case with New Japan, the best place to find this 4 hour wrestling extravaganza is on their website.

What follows now is a rundown of my thoughts and reactions to each match from the opening bell to the final confetti fluttering into the dimmed arena as the crowds receded:

Kanemaru & Desperado (Suzuki Gun) vs Jyushin Thunder Liger & Tiger Mask IV

This was an IWGP Jr Heavyweight Tag Team title match, which was very solid. Liger, as usual, brought out a litany of punishing submissions and terrifying dives. The man's been wrestling as long as I've been alive, and he's been good the whole time. He has one of the best Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreakers I've ever seen and I never, ever want to take one.

Tiger Mask needs to stop doing headbutts - those things took Tomoaki Honma out of wrestling for a year while his brain stopped bleeding from them. Yikes. Also, he and Desperado really tore at each other's masks! How dishonorable!

The match was a lot of really good back-and-forth, and there were several times I thought that Liger & Tiger Mask had it - Tiger Mask landed a beautiful turnbuckle suplex and a fantastic Tiger Suplex that should have taken Desperado down for good, but Kanemaru had KO'd the poor ref. While all that was happening, Kanemaru grabbed his whiskey bottle and gave everyone a good old Suntori Surprise followed by some low blows and a Pinche Loco from Desperado to Tiger Mask, retaining their title.

This match is definitely worth watching and is one of the best opening matches I've seen in over a month.

Togi Makabe & Tomoaki Honma vs Juice Robinson & Toa Henare

Remember how I mentioned that Honma had been out because he cracked his skull open doing headbutts? Yeah. He hasn't learned a dang thing from nearly dying because pretty much the second he got in the ring, he missed one of his infamous Kokeshi Headbutts on Juice Robinson. A Kokeshi is an exceedingly dangerous headbutt because you basically hold your whole body stiff like a kokeshi doll while you drop the side of your head (the softest part) onto your opponent's shoulder (which is hard) or the mat (which is harder). This is a bad idea and a bad move and people should STOP DOING IT.

But this match rocks.

Juice shows up covered in tassels, which is a nice change from the weird flamboyant pirate gimmick he's been using recently, and Henare's boots are awesome. Everyone here looks like a million bucks. My only issue with Henare is that he's trying to look intimidating, but he's so young that his face just... it's a baby face. He's huge, he's powerful, he's got the moves and the voice, but he looks like he wants to help you with your groceries even when he's trying to rip a crazy old man like Honma in half.

I like that the ref (the same as the previous match) was still selling his head injury. That was cool.

I also like that the crowd immediately started chanting for the two starter guys, but you couldn't tell where the Honma stopped and the Toa began. Also, Henare refused to fall down for anyone at first. It took a lot to take him down.

Juice showed off a lot of power in this match, holding Honma for a full 10 seconds during a Vertical Suplex, then showed off a Cannonball and Full-Nelson Bomb on Makabe, who fights like a beast. Juice spends a lot of the match showing off his selling, too, and he's a genius at selling a clothesline or lariat - makes it look like he's been hit by a car or something.

Here are my notes for the rest of the match:

Henare gives Makabe a great diving shoulder tackle, rugby tackle, cockblocked by Honma.

You cannot take Makabe down with lariats. It’s impossible.

Kokeshi & King-Kong Knee drop, Honma & Makabe win.

Juice’s gimmick right now is that he’s too cocky to hold a winning streak. I think he’s going to be thoroughly humbled before he wins again. Not sure how humbled that means in NJPW-thought, but I’m ready for it.

Young Bucks, Hangman Page & Chase Owens (Elite)
vs
Bad Luck Fale, Bad Boy Tama Tonga, Tanga Roa & Bone Soldier Taiji Ishimori (Firing Squad/BCOG)

Generally speaking, if the Elite bring Chase, they're going to lose, but this match makes you forget that. Seriously, even Chase is doing pretty dang good throughout the fight - it's a nice change of pace from his dad-bod=dad-moves thing that he's had going on for a while now.

The Young Bucks have a new theme and the opening guitar sounds just like the opening to Thunderstruck. They have no titles left, sadly, as the BCOG have stolen them all. It's almost as though the Elite cannot keep up!

This match is basically a really bad divorce. The worst kind of divorce. But… uh… I kinda like that the OG aren’t treated like defectors or bad guys. They’re called these things, but they’re the OG, so it’s understood that they’ve been here longer, worked longer, and are deserving of some dang respect.

One of the highlights near the end of the match has all the Elite and all the OG in the ring. The BCOG all try to punch the Elite, but the Elite dodge and respond with Super- and Drop-kicks that send all the BCOG down - except for Bad Luck Fale. Then the Elite collectively Superkick Fale and the giant falls.

Taiji Ishimori (the new Bone Soldier) and Tama both team up to wreck Matt Jackson's bad back, then Fale rips the supporting tape off of the Young Buck's lower back and stands on him.

The whole match has fantastic storytelling, everyone's bringing their A-game (even Chase, but his A-game is still going to be everyone else's B-game, but that's not his fault), and the announcers are dissing the old Bone Soldier hardcore, so this is amazing.

Ishimori did an amazing Twisting Plancha to the outside. Chase avoids Tama Tonga's cruelty and throws some derpy hits at Tanga Roa, but still gets a gnarly Gun Stun and takes the loss for the Elite.

BCOG 4 Life.

Stone Pitbull Tomohiro Ishii, Hirooki Goto & Will Ospreay the Aerial Assassin (Chaos)
vs
The King Minoru Suzuki, the Dangerous Tease Taichi (with Miho Abe), and Takashi Iizuka (Suzuki Gun)

Ugh. I hate Taichi. I hate his stupid entrance (which we don't get, thankfully, though he's still got his stupid gimmick microphone), I hate his outfits, I hate his look, I hate his moves, and I hate that he's got a title. Ugh. Even his selling sucks.

I still love Suzuki-Gun, though.

The match starts out pretty brawly, preventing Ospreay from taking flight anywhere but the outside. Suzuki SLAMS a chair onto Ishii's back at one point. I had to watch the weakest eye-rake in history from, you guessed it, Taichi.

Why is he called the Dangerous Tease? Or is it the move where he rips his pants off that's called the Dangerous Tease? Both? Who cares. He sucks.

Anyway, Iizuka wore a facemask to the ring, covering his mouth. At some point during the match, it got taken off and he started biting all the Chaos guys on the head. One of the announcers, Chris Charleton asked the question on all of our minds:

"If Iizuka eats your brains, do you become him?"

Thanks Chris. We all needed that question voiced :)

I have a note that says "Leave Tiger Hatori (the ref) alone". I think that's because one of Suzuki's guys was attacking him. Poor Tiger. He's ancient. Leave him alone.

Suddenly, Ishii makes a critical error in judgement.

He spits in Suzuki's face.

Suzuki delights in causing pain and fear. Do not spit on Minoru Suzuki. He will turn his killer's eyes on you and you will die a slow and hideous death.

He and Ishii beat the stuffing out of each other.

Ospreay continues to defy gravity - he performed one maneuver that had everyone on the commentary team and in the room with me screaming "WHAT?! WHAT WAS THAT?! THAT WAS AMAZING!" and I can't even describe it because it looked like one of those create-a-moves from an early Tony Hawk game and made no physical sense!

The match ends with a move Ospreay calls a Stormrunner and he pins Taichi. Even Ospreay is shocked by the finish. He thinks that Taichi has kicked out until Tiger tells him he won and the music starts playing. Chaos celebrate in the ring before heading back to the locker room. Suzuki takes his quota of Young Lions (wrestlers-in-training who set up the ring and run water to wrestlers after matches), because when Suzuki goes out there he has to kill someone and it may as well be some young guy we don't know yet.

Taichi can disappear for all I care. Iizuka can be their job guy.

Rainmaker Kazuchika Okada, Toru Yano, SHO & YOH (Chaos)
vs
Tetsuya Naito, Cold Skull Sanada, Bushi, & "X" (Los Ingobernables de Japon)

This match begins with a promo package from Los Ingobernables, who are welcoming a new member, since Hiromu Takahashi broke his neck a while ago and won't be back any time soon. Thankfully, Takahashi is recovering (from what we're told), and should eventually return. The promo package is a delight:

If that format is too ugly, here's the link.

Naito is a better orator for this situation than I could ever be, so I'll let you watch that, then come back and I'll tell you how it went down during the show:

Los Ingobernables came out first, and the crowd is utterly in love with Naito, who was dressed like a Gundam villain, complete with ridiculous cape. I love it.

When they all get in the ring, Naito began making insinuations that the new member of Los Ingobernables might be at ringside, which made the announcers suspicious that it could be their colleague Rocky Romero (who was in a tag team with SHO & YOH and is still a member of the Chaos faction). Romero denied everything, but then Naito implied that it could be one of the Japanese announcers who hates his guts and maybe was one of the Villanos back in the day? It was hard to hear the announcers' banter over the crowd freaking out. But no, it was not the Japanese announcer.

The lights went lower, music (cool music) began to play. The entrance ramp screen announced "The Dragon". Dragon Lee? The same one who broke Takahashi's fool neck? No. It couldn't be.

It wasn't.

This gentleman is called Shingo Takagi and I only know that he was maybe a Dragongate guy, that he has green dye in his hair, and that he looks like an unholy combination of Sanada and Shinsuke Nakamura.

He's also terrifyingly competent in the ring.

The match was brutal, long, and incredible. People were placed in Paradise Locks left & right, bodies were flung into the aether, and Shingo has a mortifying move called "Last Falconry" which absolutely murders SHO.

If it sounds like I should have more to say about this match, I should, but it's too good to give away. Go watch it.

King of Darkness EVIL vs Zack Sabre Jr

I was excited for this match. I love ZSJ. I love that Taka Michinoku talks for him. I love the "JUST. TAP. OUT." catchphrase. I love EVIL's gimmick and his tough-man moves.

This match never happened.

Wait, what? Why?

Because when EVIL was being pulled out to the ring on a throne by a bunch of plastic-masked druids, one of them mauled him to death.

That druid?

I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!

Chris frickin Jericho.

I guess he and EVIL have heat over the last time they fought.

Awesome run-in/reveal, but I'd have rather watched the match, if it's all the same.

This match was No-Contest, which never happens in Japan.

ZSJ was very unhappy with this and basically massacred everyone but Taka befor Naito showed up and ZSJ & Taka left.

Such heat. Very anger. Wow.

Time Splitter Kushida (Chaos) vs The Villain Marty Scurll (Elite)

Marty Scurll is amazing and I love him. Kushida is amazing and I love him. However, whenever New Japan has an empty Jr Heavyweight belt they need to fill, they go with Kushida, because he's consistent, he gets results, and he's really, really good. Marty's too new and belongs to ROH, I believe, so it didn't shock me that he lost.

I did, however, love this match. A lot.

Kushida spent the first few moments rolling around Marty to keep him from applying any kind of submission. The crowd literally could not decide who they wanted to win. Cries of "KUSHIDA!" "WOOP WOOP!" clamored over the announcers so loud I could barely hear the commentary at points. The match is a scintillating combination of kicks, flips, rolls, holds, chicken wings, and knee-to-face moves that had me cringing and cheering in turns. In spite of Scurll breaking his fingers (which he sold all the way to the back), Kushida still won, gaining Hiromu Takahashi's Jr Heavyweight Championship (which meant that he left wearing a scaled-down version of the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship, which is awesome).

By the way - anyone remember how I said that it sounded like Marty had heat with Cody & the Bucks because of ALL IN?

Yeah, they worked us good. It was all rumor and happenstance and they made fun of it on Being the Elite soon after.

Ace Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Switchblade Jay White

This is the third time these guys have fought and it's never clean. It's never easy. It's never nice.

It's always awesome, though.

Gedo came to the ring with Jay because he's a filthy traitor to Chaos (a faction he helped form!) and has abandoned Okada. They said it was an amicable split, but they're acting like it was anything but.

The camera work, like Tanahashi, is Aces during this match. You can see every vicious blow, every sneaky move, every low blow (even Tanahashi gets a good nutshot in!), and every spasm of pain. Yikes.

Tanahashi nearly ends the match early when he accidentally High-Fly-Flows onto a chair that he'd just slammed Switchblade onto, but White moved aside at the last second. The steel ended up jabbing Tana in the rib and arm.

Jay flipped of Makabe, who had taken up residence at the Japanese announcers' table, and it occurred to me that, in America, when you start a match by brawling on the outside like he and Tana did, it's usually because one or both of you suck at wrestling. In Japan, however, it's seen as a cue that you hate your opponent and want them outside the ring where you can kill them without referee interruption. And these two legit seem to want each other dead in the ring.

Tanahashi won after a long and hard-fought match, turning a Blade-Runner into a small package, and confirming that he's going to headline Wrestle Kingdom. Again.

While he was being cared for in the ring, however, Jay attacked again, this time assisted by Gedo. As they were brawling, Okada appeared from the crowd to defend Tanahashi against the assault! And then Jado, Gedo's old tag-team partner, appeared from the crowd, wearing a Rainmaker t-shirt and begging Okada to show Gedo mercy! And then the BCOG show up again! They obliterate Tana & Okada, and Jado shows his true colors. Have the Bullet Club OG gained 3 new members in Gedo, Jado, and Switchblade?! It seems so!

Wild.

Kota Ibush vs The Cleaner Kenny Omega vs the American Nightmare Cody Rhodes

This. Match. Was. Brutal.

For a bunch of guys who are supposedly friends, this was the largest collection of conniving and backstabs I've seen outside of a rogues' guild. Seriously - Kenny spent the whole match helping and then betraying Kota Ibushi until he'd had enough and turned on Kenny violently. Cody became almost an afterthought, but always took opportunities where he found them. It was a true feat in wrestling. None of them knew the meaning of the term "ease up".

At one point, Kenny went through a Japanese table. It broke clean in half and cut up his side and back. All we got to see of the break were his feet, pointing straight up, across the mat from the action because the camera guys weren't there.

I forgive them, though.

Three-way matches aren't a thing in Japan.

At the end of the (probably) hour-long match, however, it seemed that all was forgiven as Kenny Omega heaved himself to his feet and retained his title. He took the microphone and, in his impeccable Japanese, declared that he wouldn't give his closing remarks until both Cody and Ibushi could stand, as they were to all walk out together.

He tells Ibushi (when he's finally standing, which takes a looooooong time) that he loves him. He tells Cody that he loves him & his dog. Tanahashi rolls up, Kenny says that both he and Tana are tired and gives him the microphone. Tana says that, since this is New Japan, they'll both put it all on the line at the Tokyo Dome and leaves. The three men in the ring take triumphant positions and all give Kenny's infamous "Goodbye & Good Night! BANG!" and the golden streamers rain down.

It was, in short, a poetic end to a brutal night.

If I were going to give this PPV a score out of ten it'd be a 9, because some of the matches definitely felt too long and some of the participants frankly suck by comparison. If Taichi or Chase were in America, they'd be pretty high up there in terms of talent, but being average in the land of giants makes you seem very small indeed.

That being said, I cannot recommend this show enough! 9/10 is pretty dang good, after all!

That's all from me this week.

I'm exhausted from all this wrestling.

Go Enjoy Something!
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