Filmic Friday 305: Highway To Hell 1991

In Which ... Ok, You know what? I have No Idea what I just watched.

Once upon a time, my partner and I were feeling pretty sleepy and wanted to zone out, so we threw on a random movie that we liked the look of. That movie was  Highway To Hell, starring Rob Lowe's brother, Chad. We were anticipating that the movie would be allegorical, or metaphorical, or anything else besides literal because... why would you write a movie about a literal highway leading to the Devil's domain when there is so much else you could do with the title?

I should note that, since we knew this was a film from the early 1990s, we were sure it wasn't anything like the 2016 horror flick of the same name.

Well, we were right about that second bit - it's not a slasher movie.

It sure is something, though...

And no, this poster isn't lying. Much.

We open the film normally enough, with Charlie Sykes (Chad Lowe) and his girlfriend Rachel (Kristy Swanson) eloping to Las Vegas. They're on the road in Charlie's pizza delivery car, but after a scare with a police officer following them (Charlie remarks that their elopement is potentially illegal, and Rachel confesses that she left her mother a note, thus making Charlie believe that Rachel's mom has called the cops on him), they end up on a back road in the middle of nowhere. Rachel rebuffs Charlie when he tries to bang her in the back of his Pinto (uh, also, his dog, Mr. Ben, is in the car with them, wtf Charlie, stop), and to his credit, Charlie agrees to hold off until the honeymoon.

It's nice to see a movie with such sleeze potential back off from having a young woman lose her virginity in a crappy car in the desert.

What I didn't realize was that this moment is integral to the plot!

This film has a nearly Hocus Pocus level obsession with virginity, it seems.

So, after stopping at the only gas station for miles, the couple are warned not to fall asleep on the road until they've passed two Joshua Trees. The old man in charge of the gas station begs them to stay the night, and, being a young white couple in what I was beginning to suspect was a horror movie, they again threw my expectations by saying they'd be okay and continuing on.

This, too, is integral to the plot.

See, Mr. Ben the dog and Rachel the girlfriend fall asleep while Charlie drives, and because no one is awake to talk to him, Charlie, too drifts off near a defaced billboard where a cop car awaits.

Charlie wakes up before having an accident and tries to gather himself as the cop approaches. But it's not a normal cop. This bald demon is the Hellcop, and he kidnaps Rachel, knocking both Charlie and Mr Ben out.

All while looking suspiciously like a bald, disfigured Toby Maguire in Spiderman 3

Charlie ends up back at the gas station and begs the old man for help. The old man tells him that the Hellcop kidnaps pretty girls, which he knows because the Hellcop also stole his pretty girlfriend back in the day, which is why he has the gas station and why he'd begged them to stay the night. Charlie's desperation moves him, and he gives the young man his old car, which he'd modified to survive a literal trip into Hell, a magic gun which seems to work with shotgun shells, and advice. Charlie then goes to Hell to save Rachel.

I'm going to try to avoid too many more spoilers, but you have to understand, we weren't expecting Rob Lowe's brother to literally drive into Hell and fight a demon cop while exploring the beautiful desert landscape.

Along his journey, Charlie meets several characters, including Mr Beezle (whose true identity I'd guessed in seconds, what with the painfully obvious name) and Adam, a young boy who was also kidnapped by the Hellcop. Since Adam is a living being down in Hell, he's been trying to escape. He's also a little creepy, and I had him pegged for a secret demon, but... spoilers... he's not. He's just a weird, kinda creepy kid. I mean, if I watched a creepy demon dude gun down my family and my dog when I was barely more than a toddler, I'd probably be a bit weird, too.

So now Charlie has three souls to save - Rachel's, Adam's, and his own. Mr Ben is never in any real danger.

Did I mention that Mr Beezle is played by Patrick Bergin?

A few interesting points of note:

1) The entire Stiller family plays different roles in Hell. Ben is a psychotic short-order cook, Jerry is an undead Desk Sergeant who tries to steal from Sgt Bedlam (the Hellcop), and Amy Stiller is Cleopatra.
2) Gilbert Gottfried is Hitler. You cannot prepare yourself for that.
3) The set design is both incredible and ridiculous, and if you have any understanding of pop culture and/or mythology, you're going to get a lot of laughs (the diner is called "Pluto", there's a casino called "Hoffa's", and there are multiple references to different takes on the afterlife)
4) No one is giving a half-assed performance. Everyone's trying their best, and that makes it more fun and surreal!

Ben Stiller smashing eggs on his head to make headcheese omelets on the sidewalk outside The Pluto

Hoffa's, which is stop-motion animated and looks awesome!

Yes, there's a scene with Cerberus.
Yes, it's more or less mythologically accurate.
No you aren't prepared for how they bypass him.

Eventually, Charlie gets to take a shortcut (with the help of the old man's lost love, who has elected to remain in Hell, as she now feels it's what she deserves), but as with most things in the afterlife, he's presented with a choice. That choice is whether or not to sleep with Rachel, who is super into him when he finds her. He knows something's up, though, and eventually, he catches sight of her reflection, which... uh... isn't her.

And yes, this is some amazing prosthetic work.
The costume looks amazing and moves perfectly with the actor!

Eventually, Charlie defeats the succubus and goes on to find the real Rachel practicing violin, waiting for the Devil. She's thrilled to see Charlie, though, and agrees to escape with him. The Devil, of course, is quite annoyed by all of this, but he's a being of deals, so he agrees that if Rachel and Charlie leave without looking back, they can go.

It's an overall fairly bog-standard escape attempt against the Devil's minions

Of course, that's not enough, so the movie ends with a race against the Hellcop to escape from Hell and Mr Beezle (who, shocker, turned out to be the Devil the whole time). They get Adam to come with them, and the race is on. It's a fun chase sequence, and the stunt driving is pretty awesome. I liked every second of it, and honestly, it's one of the better race sequences I've seen.

The movie itself is neither a "good" movie nor a bad movie. It's a bizarre movie, and it defies proper explanation.

If you have a fever, or if you're just looking for a good-but-weird time, definitely check out this movie!

Also: the dog is 100% okay by the end of the movie, if that's the kind of thing that is important to you.

So yeah, go watch Highway to Hell, directed by Ate de Jong! It's a great time :)

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