Wednesdaymania 214

I was going to write a big thing on one of the Pay Per Views I've watched on the Network, but I honestly can't remember much. This is what insomnia does, kids. It robs you of your short term memory, and that's the least of your concerns. Mostly because you can't remember what else it's doing to you...

Anyway, here's what I learned this week!

If you've been here before, you may recall that I was fortunate enough to go the ROH/NJPW Global Wars show in Lewiston, Maine, which was right before Cody Rhodes' knee exploded. During this show, there was a dark match starring a guy I'd never heard of called The Retrosexual Anthony Greene. This guy blew me away. I expected him to be all flash and no substance and he proved me amazingly wrong. Seriously. Watch out for RetroAG at a show near you - he's a genius.

And he's also one of the last guys speaking Carny in the Business, apparently. No, seriously, Carny was a big part of wrestling back in the day, but with the "death" of Kayfabe, fewer and fewer guys come up through the ranks knowing how to properly throw Carny into a sentence to confuse the Marks like you or I. I can't help but respect the heck out of anyone who is so dedicated to the history of wrestling, the history if its language, struggles, triumphs, and its climb into modern day. The fact that he's also a world class talent doesn't hurt matters any, either.

And the Platinum Hunnies are fantastico. Muy fantastico.

But I'm not just here to blither on about how I love RetroAG and cannot wait for him to take the scene by storm.

I'd also like to talk about the John Oliver thing.

If you're not aware, John Oliver used his show recently to discuss how Vince McMahon and the WWE are pretty well taking advantage of their wrestlers by refusing to make them employees. If any other business took their independent contractors and made them sign contracts that, while paying an insane amount on the surface, did not guarantee them health insurance or other general worker's protections while also monopolizing their likeness & presence by denying them the right to work in their own chosen field for a certain amount of time before, during, and often after their contracts fully come into effect and/or end, we'd consider that business to be pretty shady.

The fact that Oliver straight up considers these contracts to be an abdication of responsibility on McMahon's part, regarding the health and wellbeing of the wrestlers, is also pretty interesting. I have to agree with Oliver. Vince McMahon & his company may hurl money at the wellness program, but it's no different from any other business overworking and exhausting their employees and then throwing money at yoga classes, rather than giving them actual time to recover from the exhaustion caused by the job.

These are people who have to pay for nearly everything out of their own pockets. No one else buys their boots or trunks. No one else pays for their rental cars. No one else pays for their hotel rooms. If you're constantly having to pay for food, travel, housing, and gear, that adds up fast. Then you have the fact that they are, largely, uninsured and, like Jackie Chan's stunt men, some may even be uninsurable. This is outrageous when you consider how much healthcare costs here in the US.

It doesn't matter if you're being paid six figures when you have to pay six figures to have your neck repaired, your shoulder fixed, your body put back together after 300 days of constant travel and physical strain. The ridiculous performance schedules, the over-abundance of public events, and the endless hours on the road quickly build up. It's a breeding ground for addiction, because you don't have the time to recover. You have to get back on the road to pay for the divorce you just got because you're never home anymore. You have to go back to work to pay for the surgeries you just had because a poorly-trained moron dropped you on your neck, but they won't be punished because the boss is in love with them. You're in constant pain, so you try to treat it. You might use drugs. You might drink. You might exercise until your body is too exhausted to care about the pain any more.

Not everyone is Straight-Edge. Not everyone can survive the road life by sheer force of will. It's a business model that causes its own problems. Yes, there are sports where the athletes still suffer addiction or commit crimes or develop chronic injuries, but at least there is something of an off-season where they can try to rest up. Not so with WWE, which could absolutely afford to do two different seasons of wrestling for each show and still turn a heck of a profit. No, it's 300 days on (or more) and you pay for everything.

That six figure contract doesn't go very far if you're constantly in the hospital.

So yeah, I agree with most of the points John Oliver makes in his speech. I just don't think he grasps how little management cares about fan reaction. They have a deal with Saudi Arabia. Fans aren't happy. They don't care. Money is all they really care about, it seems.

And yeah, smooth of the WWE to be all "Oooh, John Oliver, please don't be mad! Come to Wrestlemania and let us show you what we're really all about!" but don't be fooled. What they really mean is "let us leach off of your fanbase by using your popularity to our advantage".

WWE makes me cynical. Most companies do.

I'm sure AEW will get there, eventually. That's just what companies do, because companies, by their very nature, are anti-person. They are anti-human. They exist to do one thing, and that is to turn a profit. Profit is not a human venture. Not really. Yeah, the money can be used for good things, but profit in and of itself is no noble goal.

But that's another thing.

Wrestling is not, by its own origins, noble. It's a business. It's a con. It's designed to separate people from their money. At its best, it becomes a lucrative art form. At its worst, it's a corporation built on the broken bodies of performers to feed money into the pockets of the owners. At its very worst, it's the Von Erich family. Yikes.

But that's depressing.

Let's talk about something nicer.

Let's talk about this whole Librarian thing in All Elite Wrestling.

Seriously, guys, let me know what you think about it, because I'm still not entirely convinced we're being worked and it's just a way to subtly hire Lanny Poffo. I'd pay for that. I really would. I mean, in my most fantastic moments, I think about making the video and presenting myself as a manager with a bunch of plays on "checking out" and "overdue" and keeping my stable as "Stacks" or something like that, but I've got serious stage fright issues, I can't travel, I can't wrestle, my pain tolerance is so bad that I have neither piercings nor tattoos and am terrified of frying things because the tiny pops of oil feel like being stabbed. I'm not cut out for the wrestling life. I'm just not.

But it'd be pretty cool.

And it'd be something to talk about.

But it's a terrible idea, on my part.

Is the Librarian a gimmick they're talking about for real? Is this exactly what they say it is - an opportunity? Or is this a work, and we're all marking out over nonsense? What do you guys think? Talk it over in the comments!

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