Filmic Friday 205: Turbulence 3

Where to begin...

This movie has exactly one thing to do with the other two Turbulence movies:
They all take place on planes.

This movie makes 0 sense, kind of ties in to Supernatural in a weird-but-stupid way, and literally could never take place today. This movie is from before 9/11, so the airport scenes are completely insane.

Here's the story to this madhouse of a movie:

Marilyn Manson ripoff Slade Craven (whose name I already have major issues with as far as Metal names goes) is having a going-away-tour on a freakin jet, so a horde of Goths (who are apparently the same as Metalheads) go through airport security, who do not require them to take out their piercings, remove their spikes, check their wallets before going through the only scanner in a large airport, etc. Basically, the shitty security is just setting up for a stupid scene later.

This is not in LA. These are not Metalheads. This is not an airport.
This movie lies constantly.

Do I know why there's a scene that starts by focusing on people's mouths talking slowly?
No.
Is it important?
Also no.

So Slade's ridiculous and frankly stupid as heck concert is being played on a jet, and it's somehow being live-streamed over the internet. In 2000, which is when the movie was being made, despite being released in 2001. It came out in May, so they didn't know, but yikes.

Her skull keeps trying to bust through her fact the whole film.

 The movie follows several groups of people through several locations with pretty minimal overlap. Group 1 included the web-tv "station" who are live-streaming this ridiculous nonsense (presumably at 120p or something ridiculous). There's a camera guy and a reporter lady on the jet with a bunch of hidden cameras, and a creepy producer guy and his put-upon assistant in a big cinderblock building painted stupid colors.

See what I mean about Wannabe Manson?

This shot was so wobbly I can only assume it was a camera mounted on a rolling chair or luggage.

Group 2 is the Band & Craven, who are... dumb.

Group 3 is the bunch of fans on the jet, and they're... pretty interesting actually. We have a media major who wants to be a reporter, a ditzy girl who's super into the music, and a rocker guy who has more guts than everyone else in this movie.

Spoilers, these two are together by the finale.

Group 4 are the pilots. Don't worry about the main pilot. It's the copilot you want to follow. Because...

He's evil Rutger Hauer.

Group 5 is the FBI played by Joe Mantegna and Gabrielle Anwar. Anwar's character is after Nick Watts, a hacker played by Craig Sheffer.

Angry FBI Stereotype Joe

Perky Hacker Stereotype Anwar

Trying to be metal but hitting bad Country vibes instead.

Here's where things get dumber.

The plot isn't revealed until most of the way through the movie after several agonizing musical numbers, but here it is:

The plane is being hijacked by Satanists (Hauer and the skull-face reporter lady) aided by a guy who is a lookalike for Craven. They want to fly the plane over a church in Kansas (Supernatural connection, I guess) and crash it, killing everyone in front of 10 million people. Why? Because evil. It's stupid.

Fake Craven sucks.

Somehow he's even less creepy and terrifying than real Craven.

And Real Craven is locked in a Jiffy Pop Room.

The movie ends with the hacker dude almost hacking the plane kind of (using Real Craven as a proxy), and they safely land.

See what I mean about Real Craven being terrifying?!

Anywho, this movie is awesome and amazing and I hooted and hollered my whole way through!

Also, the band's stage kinda looks like an MST3K set, so I dig that.

If you've got a chance, go watch Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal for yourself. It's a riot!

Now Go Enjoy Something!
FC