Filmic Friday 228: Icebreaker (2000)

If ever there was a movie that deserved to be riffed, it's Icebreaker, a Die Hard-style movie set at an actual ski resort. Z and I watched the Rifftrax version, which is a riot, so if you have to watch this alone or just with one or two friends who like riffing but aren't riffers themselves, that's the way to go. If you're in a large crowd of people who like to make fun of movies, this is a prime candidate for getting yourself your own copy and just... hurling comedic abuse at it for 90 minutes.

Bask in its glory.

Have you ever wanted to watch Die Hard at a ski resort with Samwise Gamgee vs Ash from the Evil Dead fighting over Stacy Keach's daughter? No? Too bad. That's this movie. Sean Astin is a ski patrol guy whose girlfriend's dad hates him. Stacy Keach is that dad. But, oh no! While they're supposed to be having dinner and talking about how Astin wants to marry Keach's daughter, Bruce Campbell decides he's holding the whole mountain hostage. For reasons.

Reasons I can't tell you.

Because I couldn't pay attention.

Because I was laughing too hard.

I'll take that burden Mr. Frodo!
I'll take it out back and pump it full of lead!

Seriously, who looked at Sean Astin and thought "yeah, he'd make a great action hero"? He's a total creampuff. Even the "badass" stuff he tries to do in this movie has that kind of adorable edge to it. I mean, he's holding a freaking automatic rifle in this shot and I still think he's precious. I want to pinch his cheeks.

I buy him being a ski patrol guy. I buy him being a medic. I buy him having a difficult, sometimes bloody and/or dangerous job. I even buy him having a cute girlfriend whose daddy is annoyed that she won't date a banker.

I cannot buy him as a legit action hero. Sorry, Sean. You're a lover, not a fighter.

And no, there aren't really meany good pictures of the girlfriend on the internet.
She's a McGuffin. Keach, however, is an actor.

Stacy Keach plays a grumpy rich dad really well, here, even though he kind of looks like a tubby John Cleese and the actress playing his daughter looks nothing like him. He gives off the air of a man who's been to a thousand of these ski resorts and never set foot in the snow - he's there for the steak and whiskey, but you can hold the steak.

The actress playing the daughter is... pretty forgettable, to be honest. Yet another in a long line of short-haired blond babes from the 1990s-2000s. Still, she gets one of the most intentionally funny scenes in the movie, where she's listing Sean Astin's positive characteristics to her father over dinner while the movie cuts from what she says to what's happening to Astin and how he's doing the exact opposite of what she's saying.

But what's the big deal with this movie? It's not just some rom-com - it's an action flick! What's the action?

Well, some derpy bad guys are stealing... I think nuclear materials? And they've crashed the plane carrying said materials onto the mountain. I'm foggy on why Bruce Campbell's bad guy wants the nukes, but he says something about his parents selling their bodies to pharmaceutical companies at one point and never elaborates. There's a video tape, but I'm pretty sure that blows up, so we never find out. Like... this movie makes 0 sense. It's all about Bruce Campbell holding Stacy Keach and the girl hostage while Sean Astin tries to save the day. Badly.

Seriously, who looked at Bruce Campbell and said "bald bad guy with a black coat on a mountain"?
It's hilariously bad.

Bless him, Bruce is trying this whole movie. He's... kinnda mugging though. It's like he can't help but nibble that scenery and ham it up. I wouldn't be surprised if Astin was trying to salvage the movie but Bruce knew it was a stinker, so he just had fun.

There's one last character in this movie I have to tell you about, and that's the Park Ranger guy who finds the downed plane and its murdered pilot. He's... he's basically an Ernest P Worrell type of guy - bright as a black hole but kind and well-meaning. He's a single dad, and he really wants to help, but he's bumbling comic relief in a movie that's basically 100% bumbling comic relief.

via Gfycat


At only 90 minutes long, this ridiculous flick is perfect for a party or a fun night in. Bring the popcorn (and have your vacuum ready for the inevitably popcorn throwing that will occur) and hunker down for a bunch of morons on a mountain with a truly epic conclusion!

Now, Go Enjoy Something!
FC