Filmic Friday 249: The Human Tornado

In Which I Discuss the Sequel to Rudy Ray Moore's Dolemite

So, for Thanksgiving, some friends of mine were running a Blaxploitation marathon, serving up "Jive Turkey", if you will. Not being one to turn down a good time, I rolled on down to their place and settled in to watch the end of the Isaac Hayes vehicle Truck Turner (and if you've ever wanted to hear Star Trek's Uhura toss N-bombs like they're grenades in Vietnam, then it's definitely a must-watch!). Once that movie was done, we checked in on what Whitey was up to with some random Anglo-centric shorts, then it was on to some more Rudy Ray!

We tossed The Human Tornado onto the tv.

We thought we were ready.

Nothing can prepare you for The Human Tornado

So, The Human Tornado tries to pick up where Dolomite left off, with Dolomite throwing a party in his new mansion in the Deep South. Our only indication that this is, in fact, the Deep South, is an incredibly racist sheriff who tries to kill Dolomite for sleeping with his wife (who may have been blackmailing Dolomite into sex?) It's also the origin of the infamous "b***h, are you for real?!" line.

So the sheriff basically chases Dolomite out of the Deep south and he and his friends flee to California and Queen B's club. They get picked up by one of the weirdest Gay Stereotypes (which... honestly, I can't tell what they're more annoyed by - the fact that he's gay or the fact that he's a white boy looking for dark meat?) I have ever seen in a movie. They basically carjack him (though he's a willing participant) and "drag" him with them to California.

Unbeknownst to Dolomite and co, B's club has been taken over by an evil club owner (sound familiar?) and two of her girls have been kidnapped.

But fear not, Dolomite is on the case!

After some searching, car chases, and incredibly funny sped-up fight scenes, Dolomite does what he does best - seduces the bad guy's "nymphomaniac" wife using a bad disguise and worse velvet paintings. What followed was one of the strangest things I've ever seen on film, and I'm a connoisseur of Neil Breen films.

This scene both makes more and less sense in context.
I have never been drunk or done drugs, but I think I know what it's like now...

As funny as that scene is, the culmination of it, with Dolomite and the "Nympho" having literal house-destroying sex, is even funnier, because "They're in the house on the hill in Pasadena!!!!!" is possibly the worst last lines I've ever heard for someone.

1) Which house on which hill?
2) She literally slithers out of bed screaming this and passes out
3) Somehow, it's even sillier in context!


So while Dolomite is having his bizarre pleasure cruise for information, Queen B and her people are planning to wreck the bad guy's party and have his guts for garters.

Because just like in Dolomite, they're the ones who get things done!
And BY THE WAY! The guy on the left with the black ski cap?
That's Ernie Hudson.
Yes, that Ernie Hudson.

And meanwhile, the kidnapped girls are dealing with some really really awful dudes doing bad things to them in a crazy witch's hovel.

Really bad things.
These are more effective bad guys than the bad guy who hired them.

But, of course, since it's a Dolomite movie, of course the bad guys are killed. There's a subplot involving the sheriff hunting down Dolomite with the grudging help of the local police, but he drops one too many N-bombs and they ditch him. Instead, he tries to take on Dolomite on his own. It goes about as well as you'd expect, but...

Not to spoil you or anything....






Dolomite gets shot in the back and apparently killed.

Yeah.

That was a shock to me, too...

But then he stands up and laughs just as the credits begin to roll?

Is Dolomite a demigod of some kind? I mean, it would fit with his badass Anansi archetype, and I'm pretty sure someone who was better at scholarship than me could write a very good paper on the subject!

Regardless, The Human Tornado is amazing. If you're looking for a good time, absolutely give it a watch!

Go Enjoy Something!
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