Survival Sunday 250: Your First Solo Christmas

In Which I Give Festive Food Advice

So, you've decided to host Christmas this year.

Whether you've started out on your own and want to see if you can do this for yourself or you've simply decided to host your family for the holiday, you've come to the conclusion that you've got this and you're gonna make it a Christmas to remember! Congratulations!

Except you can't cook.

Well, you can, but not like on tv. Not like your parent or guardian growing up.

You don't have Aunt Ethel's buttermilk biscuit recipe. You have no idea how Nana made that pie you had over at her house in 98. All you have is the internet and a sneaking suspicion that you've bitten off more than you can chew.

Don't panic. You've got this.

The first thing you need to do is figure out how many people you're feeding and whether or not there are any dietary restrictions (rolling your eyes at Uncle Jim's Keto diet is one thing, but Cousin Rick's diabetes and your sister's nut allergy are no laughing matter!)

Next, figure out how many meals/snacks you're going to be expected to provide. If everyone's coming over in the morning, you're gonna want to make some breakfast or brunch, but that's pointless if they're showing up around 3PM or later. At that point it's snacks and supper!

Once you have your servings and timeframe figured out, you might begin to have an idea of what you want to feed everyone! But, oh no! All of these recipes on the internet are super confusing and/or complex!

Don't go for the twelve course Christmas Dinner on your first go, friend. It's just not going to do you any good to completely lose your mind before anyone shows up, hustling around, desperately trying to bake rolls and a turkey at the same time in your dinky apartment oven. Just don't. If they really expect that kind of masterwork from you they should have taught you how to cook everything before now.

Enter this venture with realistic (and merciful) expectations.

If you're doing breakfast, there's no shame in sneaking in those cinnamon rolls from a can. There's no law against serving a simple oatmeal for breakfast with slices of spiced apples (literally, just slice up some apples and toss the slices with cinnamon and sugar, maybe with a touch of nutmeg and/or ginger).

Some relatively simple recipes you might want to try for breakfast are:

• the clafoutis I made early on in this blog
• French Toast
• Pancakes (buy a mix - they'll have the instructions right on the package!)
• Muffins (you can make them from a mix, or if you're feeling ambitious, I also did muffins!)
• The aforementioned oatmeal (or grits, if you're southern, or cream of wheat if that's your thing)
• A box of festive donuts you picked up last night for just such an occasion

Once you've finished planning breakfast, you can think about snacks - everyone likes to nosh, right? Well, it's a good thing there's so many options out there!

• Ye Olde Vegetable Platter may be much-maligned in some circles, but I for one adore the simplicity and ease of baby carrots and chopped up broccoli on a plate with some cucumbers, celery, and if you've got some freaky people with you, fresh cherry tomatoes. Okay, so maybe I'm the freak for not liking tomatoes...
• Utz makes some insanely good white cheddar "Snoballs" this time of year. If you can track them down, they're an addictive little treat!
• For that matter, just grab some tasty chips and dips that you know everyone likes!
• If you've got some serious snack on, then I can suggest a simple chili dip that'll have everyone going back and forth:
• Take some bricks of cream cheese, let them get soft, then put them in the bottom of a baking dish (or one of the small, cheap foil brownie pans you can get at most Dollar Stores). Smooth everything out so you have a nice foundation layer of cream cheese. 
• Dump a can or two of chili on top of that cream cheese. If you have leftover chili in the freezer, you can thaw that out and use it for this, but canned is way more convenient. My dad hates beans in his chili so we usually do one pan with beans and one without.
• Dump a bunch of shredded cheese on top - we usually use a Mexican blend from the dairy case, but you can use anything you like.
• Pop that sucker in an oven at about 350℉ (175℃) until the cheese has melted and maaaaaybe developed a bit of browning. If you're using a foil pan, put a cookie sheet underneath it in case it warps!
• Take out and cool until you don't burn your mouth on it when you scoop it up with a corn or tortilla chip.
• Fresh fruits, pickles, and nuts are all also great ideas (just be mindful of any allergies!)

Great work - you probably have your snacks all figured out by now! But what if it's lunch they're after?!

• If it's just you, why not buy some really nice cheese and meat (or your favorite substitutes) and make yourself the sandwich of your dreams?
• Buy some frozen meatballs, cook them in a slow cooker with some pasta sauce. Buy some provolone cheese and some sub rolls - make meatball subs!
• Make a festive Christmas pizza with ham and pineapple! *dodges haters* or if you're not into hot fruit, may I suggest using red and green bell peppers instead? An excellent source of veggies and festive to boot!
• ... That chili dip is really good as a meal, too...
• You could just make chili?

To be honest, we usually have a big breakfast at my house and then just graze on snacks until dinner/supper time. My mom usually cooks a ham or a lasagna (which, yeah, that's way easier than you might think!) or something like that, but sometimes she'll shock us with a brisket or something else intense and rich and crazy.

But, again, if this is your first time? No one has the right to expect you to cook them ham or brisket. They can't even demand a turkey if you've never roasted one before. It's your rules this year, my dude(tte).

So what do you make for your final meal?

• Again, pizza or chili are perfectly acceptable options, provided you aren't just reserving lunch.
• Spaghetti is a fantastic first Christmas dinner - it's simple, relatively inexpensive, and then you can have garlic bread, and who doesn't love garlic bread? Vampires. That's who.
• I'm planning on doing my own version on here eventually, but a shepherd's/cottage pie is always a hit! Layer some browned meat and onions on the bottom of a baking dish (one with nice, high sides!), then put some veggies like corn and/or peas in the middle, then top it off with some delicious mashed potatoes (and yeah, you can use instant, and if anyone complains, tell them they can peel the potatoes next year if they're so offended). Pop that puppy in the oven at 400℉ (200-205℃) until the top gets a bit browned et voila, you have a fantastic meal for the whole family. Pro-tip: when you're mixing up mashed potatoes, you can add a dollop of cream cheese to them to make them even richer!
• Chinese Food is great if all else fails and/or your oven dies. This has happened to many a first-time-Christmas-Host. Takeout is there to save you.

Wonderful! Now that everyone's all doped up from your feast, there's probably at least one greedyguts (usually me) who is looking for a dessert. Cue the record scratch.

Oh yes. I'm bringing up dessert, too.

• Guess what? Half the "home-made" cakes my classmates would bring to bake sales were made from boxed mixes. Follow the directions on the box, and let Betty Crocker save your bacon.
• Guess what else? Those frozen eclairs and cream puffs? Those are great. Bam. You didn't have to cook, but everyone got something amazing.
• Hot Chocolate Minibar: Get together a bunch of weird hot chocolates you bump into at the grocery store - you know the ones. They'll have weird flavors or they'll just jump out at you with packaging. Pick up a bunch of those (and some plain hot cocoa if you're worried about the less adventurous guests). If I'm coming over, grab some instant coffee, too. You'll also want
• mini marshmallows
• candy canes (you can go pretty wild with these too)
• small flavored creamers
• a ton of spray whipped cream
• Don't want the stress of measuring out cookie making materials? Don't fret - let the experts help you and either get some nice cookies while shopping or get premade cookie dough
• It's cold outside (maybe), but ice cream never goes out of fashion
• Love your child relatives but mad at their parents? Leave out huge bowls of candy - M&Ms, Kisses, Reese's Cups, etc.

So you see, there's nothing to be afraid of. Don't overstress yourself this holiday season if this is your first time having people over.

I have only one other piece of advice for you:

Actually invite the people you're planning to invite. Don't just say "yeah, I'm having Christmas at my place", actually call them (or if you're like me and hate phones, message them) or send them a card or something. Heck, messaging and/or cards both involve writing, so you can make darn sure they know what's up.

And that's where your secret weapon comes in.

If you are broke. If you are completely incapable of cooking. If you have no access to groceries or restaurants.

There's still hope.

Make it a potluck. Make them bring their own food!

Go Enjoy Something!

FC